"When you're a person who's been insecure about themself physically, compliments feel like rockets to the moon."

I have this friend at school. He's really cute. He'd be this geek who acts like he's the handsomest jock at school. He'd even act like it, all jerky and suave. All in all, he's very lively and confident about himself. Like his rudeness and cynicality just comes off as funny. You wouldn't notice his imperfections like his tourette's syndrome, his repulsiveness or his tolerance to being an *******.

Okay, long story short he is ironically attractive.

Anyway, he has a girlfriend already. But I don't know why he gives me exclusive attention.

It sort of just started off with him calling me a "feminist." By the way, I am not. He just called me that when he found out I own a Tumblr account. You know how the stereotype goes. He's a self-proclaimed patriarch and predictably, that's just because he goes to 4chan contradictory to my Tumblr-ing and starts accusing me of feminism and chat-rape. It's just mindless name-calling, nothing to be taken seriously.

He uses this method everytime to talk to me. All this child's play has gotten us close. To the point that I'm starting to wonder if it's still just a harmless joke. He doesn't do this with anyone else. Plus, he has a girlfriend which he acts incredibly serious with despite his "dog in heat" strategies. And to prove that, he is actually willing to remain a virgin for his girlfriend.

That made me think, think so much about him. I am not inlove with him. But he gets me so sexually frustrated. This exceptional attention that he gives me, I do believe, I am just being dellusional about it.

If this joke goes too far, I might actually just kiss him somewhere in point of time. You know just to get it over with. I don't plan to destroy their relationship. I respect them as a couple and don't mean no harm. I just want to sleep with him, that's all. If there was a way I could actually do that without being misunderstood about it.

At the end of the day, I just tell myself... Well, maybe it's just comic relief. Something to laugh about today.

All this, just for the attention he is giving me.

And this is just one guy. I chose him, because this is the first time I've felt this way about a committed guy.

I feel this with any guy.
dustyoldclock dustyoldclock
22-25, F
Aug 18, 2014