Going Nowhere So What Is The Point Of It When You Are Always Halted By Fools

at the moment I am not getting any real head ways with work or volunteer work even... I sent out over 12 applications on wednesday last week about 5 have been rejected and the rest have not been responded to... it gets me down.

I will follow up on them.   Its just that I am sick of fighting to do anything. 

I fight to get a place at the checkout, fight for a table at lunch, fight for a place at the doctor or hospital.  I have to fight here there and everywhere

its wearing me out when nothing is working.

I m sick of my sister fighting with everyone at home.  sick of fighting the fleas and cockroches to get to bed for god sake.

I am sick of fighting this rash that seems to be spreading but its not all over just a bits here and there.

I am sick of bad health ... I literally feel like I am dying sometimes.

I wish I would just die in my sleep.  

everything is breaking me down.

I need a new life and a new scenary ... job, outlook, friends etc

I hate life now with this rash... my doctor says its a strange rash one he has never seen before... a little like chicken pox but not ... not measles, not herpes, not german measles and not small pox.... so what the bloody hell is it with all their science they should have an answer for FFFFFFFs sake.

and someway to get rid of it.... I am sick of it. I want to kill myself just over this rash.

over my cats health declining with age, over no work, over the fights at home, over the way my relatives have abused me.

they will never be forgiven ,,,, never!

I just wish ... I know something has got to change soon... something with my health, work or getting away from here.

this is no life.   its like there is some hidden handshake a secret handshake I am supposed to know and I don't know it.  call me dumb or whatever but I do not know what the secret is!!!!!   I am not the one causing others trouble ...! they are to themselves.   I just the vehicle for others pain and I fight for others more than myself.

I am just sick of it.
czaristacrystals czaristacrystals
36-40, F
May 14, 2012