I Know.

When something particularly bad happens my body turns cold and I shiver. It's the most unpleasant feeling because then I start feeling sick in the stomach, and that's when the dread starts and I start to sink into the black hole. I know when it happens, I usually remark, "It's cold today...", maybe as a way of distraction, but definitely as a lie. Right now the sun is shining but I am freezing from the cold. I also hate being cold because I know then that no one will be able to help me - that's when I start to cry and want to end it all.

Today I thought about doing things differently though. I thought that perhaps death is too drastic, and if there are alternative ways, I would like to find the best ones for me.