I've Oft Wondered...

If I died tonight, who would realize. I live alone in this apartment, and hardly anyone visits or anything. I just often wonder how long it would take before they realized I was dead. My family has stated they no longer want anything to do with me... Who else would miss me if my own family wouldn't?
drcynic drcynic
26-30, M
9 Responses Dec 13, 2007

I know you have. It's very nice that you're one of my good friends. No, but since they've said it for years, maybe now they can just do what they wanted and cut all ties to me.<br />
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I can't help being down. Being positive is awful hard with my life. Yeah, everyone keeps telling me I'm so young. I'll be 20 in two months. I work, I'm going to graduate school, I have bills to pay, and still I wonder sometimes when my next meal will come from. How does that make me any different from the average 30 year old? The fact that I still attend school, maybe? But I know many people that age who go to college too.<br />
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My cynicisim is the result of life expirience. I'm afraid I cannot be at peace until I'm dead. Even with my last breath, I will fear that it will be weeks before I'm found. If I own a home down the line, it could be longer, like that guy in the article.

Oh honey, I talked to you alot on here and I think you're a great person. I wish you weren't so down on yourself. You have no idea what set off your parents? god, you are so young to be so alone. I feel bad that you are so cynical. May you find your peace soon.

Honestly, I do believe that. They told me never to contact them again, and they wouldn't come to me either. So far since just after Thanksgiving, they've stayed true. Since they told me they were heading out west for the holiday. I dunno what they are mad about? They just don't want me. They told me so as a kid, but I never bought it.<br />
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That was nice of you to say, but it's not gonna happen. I dunno how nice I am. I'm sure you'd get many opinions telling you the opposite, patch.

You really don't think someone would come looking for you? Not even your family, even if they were mad? I wish you had better people in your life, you are a nice guy.

Maybe, but I'd like to think that someone would care enough to actually come looking for me, and that someone would care. But no one would care. Hell with them.

That's so sad. I know it feels like nobody cares sometimes. Stay strong;people do care. As for me, my son would miss me when he was older, my boyfriend would but would move on, anda my mom I know she would. In the end though, does it matter? We all die alone...our loved ones can't come whether they would miss us or not.<br />
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Yes,I am depressed today!!!

I have friends... Few, but I have them. That being said, most live out of the area. Others are just aquaintences I work with or go to school with.<br />
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There's not much I can control. I have often felt that if I died, no one would even notice until my rent was due or the smell of my carrion wafted into another room. I read a story about a man who had died in his home and for seven years, he was left there. He was only discovered when the house was sold for taxes and the couple moving in discovered him.<br />
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I fear that is what will happen to me.

Well said Warmth. I agree it is sad that you don't feel anyone cares or would miss you. Maybe it is time to go outside the 4 apartment walls and make some friends. As for long term, I dont want my family to go into a "failure to thrive" mose when I am gone.<br />
I am sure the holidays are harder because those around and the media tell us we are to celebrate with family and be happy. Truth is it doesn't happen for many. I hope you find someone or something to care for you and celebrate with.

It's a very long story, Tate. Mainly, the fact that they have simply stated as such. They went to California for Christmas and said I couldn't come. They didn't want me. They won't come to see me anymore, and they don't want me to call. They want to erase me from memory. I dunno what I did so wrong, but they have basically kept it that way.<br />
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Warmth, who do I have that is left besides on here?