I'm becoming a licensed professional counselor. I question this role because I do not enjoy my life. I dread my life. Each day. Waking up to see the sun is like torching my eyes. Tons of steel lay atop my chest as I contemplate the courage to get out of bed to use the restroom. My thoughts would be considered negative by most. I experience them as mere matter of fact. I do not enjoy life. I am angry that I didn't have a choice in my existence. As I look out into the world, my mind and soul hold themselves in contempt due to our worlds current state of madness. I fight for purpose as it eludes me. This has been a ten year long struggle. I take antidepressants. I've done rounds of therapy with different clinicians. Underneath it all is this pervasive nihilist thought that there is no point to anything. I would love to find a cabin in the woods to spend out the rest of my days. I could write and looks at nature and just be. I feel confined and suffocated by the trappings of ordinariness.
rainty98 rainty98
36-40, M
4 Responses Aug 29, 2014

I feel a lot like you.

Hi. There is hope yet.

I sent you a private message. Read it if you can.

What do I say. I feel you. Start building new relationships. Some might be a chore. But with the right company, I believe you will be able to have a positive attitude, and be happier overall. :-) Just don't give up... Cuz I wonder just the same. On why I haven't killed myself.

Being a psychologist will have that affect on you. It's very very common.. Maybe you should stop talking your meds & get more exercise into your life. Start jucing, go out join a gym, so MMA, karate. I'm a nurse & psych meds are bullshit & should only be used temporarily!! Unless you're schizophrenic..

All of that sounds good. It seems like a chore. Juicing? Ugh. I'd actually have to enter a grocery store and purchase things and talk to people. Dreadful.

You have to overcome certain psychological obstacles if you want to concur your most dreadful pains. You don't actually have to talk just but your own groceries & go about your day..