Im Not Ashamed...

I am proud to say that I am a methadone client. I go to a very great clinic in AL. I would love to go to one in my home state of MS but since there isnt one I hafta travel an hour one way. If thats not dedication I dont know what is. I have been going for 2yrs and Ive never failed a urine test and I meet my groups and my counsler monthly. I live a very structured life and I love it. I recently have gone into my last phase and I now only hafta go once a week. I am so proud to have my take homes. So yes I am glad to say Im a survivor thank God for Methadone...Thank You for your time.

blckshpMS blckshpMS
36-40, F
6 Responses Jun 17, 2009

I agree with you completely I have been on it for 8 years now I live in Tennessee but I have to go to clinic in North Carolina because I don't have one in my state near me i drive an hour too when i started i had to drive 3 then found one 2 away now finally found one an hour away i go every two week or twice a month and get take homes for two weeks I've never.failed a drug screen either not since i first started the only one i failed was the very first day i started the program and u r expected to fail it if not why wuld u b there anyways I'm doing great very thankful for it it saved my life great to read ur story. and no I'm not alone

Thank you for your story and for sharing it with us. I find it extremely important to hear others stories of struggle and success over those struggles. I am glad I read this. Be safe be sane and live well my friend.

man thats good, ive had my phase 4 for a few years, so has my girl, she has allways had clean screens too, me not so it just good to hear som 1 really working towards a better life, dont let any1 talk down to u cuz ur in the mmt program, it works great, as long as ur willing to devote the time to letting go of the past and the people of the past to focus on living clean...

hi, im 24 and justhad my third chil. i dont want to sound harsh but i'll tell u a lil about commitment. I started last march and had to travel and hour and a half one way so 3 hrs a day for 3 months then i for take homes so by the summer i was getting 3 a week and by winter i was getting 6 a week so it didnt take long. I never failed a u.a and never abused any drugs, although i was taking prescribed xanax on a wean and the pregnancy helped staying clean. I too was in training to be a patient advocate. I actually sat w/ our dosing nurse for an hour a day and read over chemical dependency material to help him get his liscence. I got lost in my drama and caught up in my messed up life so ive backed tracked and have to go 3 times a week. Im told they given me all the tools there is no more for me to learn all i have to do is take it. but at our clinic they just check off that u hav seen ur councelor and have gone to groups twice a month and i havent gone to group in a year almost! and i sure as hell shouldnt havent gotten take homes that earlywell yeah i should b/c it was winter and we had to plan ahead because of the blizards and after i had my baby iwas deep in iowa wheremy clinics in illinios i had to travel 6 hours every other day for the moth of january to obtain my drug! now that is crazy. I dunno wat its gonna take for me to get off thisshit.

I agree with you 100%! I too travel an hour round trip a day to receive my dose and it doesn't bother me. I used to spend many hours a day trying to score my drugs, so an hour a day to save my life is nothing. I agree with evrything you saiid. It was like I was reading my story. I love my clinic. I go to a clinic in Massachusetts and I have the best repore with them. My counselor is awesome and I love my mens group. I am in training to become a "Patient Advocate" for my clinic, which is an honor to be selected by the counselors to become one. I am on my 3rd take home dose, and working hard to be able to have the max of 6 a week. It's actually not hard at all. When I decided to get on the clinic, I made a promise to myself that no matter what, that day was the last day of my drug use! I have given all clean swabs( we use swabs instead of having to provide urine), I have never tested positive for anything except for methadone. I go to all of my counseling sessions and attend all of my groups. I hate going on this site and reading about how people who are complaining about being on methadone and how it is a pain in the a** to go there every morning and get their dose, and how they are constantly monitored and scrutinized at the clinic. If you are doing what you are supposed to be doing and working the program to your advantage, these peolpe wouldn't feel this way. It's so refreshing to hear a story like yours and to know that I am not alone in feeling grateful that we have a program to go to like the clinic. Some people think they are not clean because they are on methadone. I on the other hand say I am clean, because I am taking a dose of methadone that is prescribed by a doctor for a disease I have called addiction. I am not abusing it in any way, shape, or form. I know that there are many different ways of seeking recovery, but a Methadone Clinic has been my way of getting the recovery that I needed and it continues to help me keep the recovery that I have worked so hard to achieve. Congratulations on your recovery!

I just today registered and your post made me feel ashamed and I am glad I read it. I have been on methadone five years, have gone down from 200 mg to 120 and I just lost my best friend, my Mom. She died in my arms. I have been blaming everything on methadone lately, all my problems, etc. I don't feel my clinic cares much about me, they care about rules and I understand they have strict rules but I had to watch my Mother die one day at a time for a year, so I was taking xanax, the minimum amount, not everyday but on the days that I just could not take it when my Mom would ask me things like when am I going to get better. I see I should be ashamed of myself because it is because of methadone that I could take care of my Mom before she died. I would have been dead or in jail if I had not gotten into MMT. For one year I drove 90 miles to and from the clinic and now I live forty miles from the clinic and get two week take homes. I am so scared that now that I am getting older, what will happen if I have to have surgery or something?? can they do t hat with MMT people?? I am close to Mayo Clinic, the best clinic in the world and would hope they would be able to but I think I might be ready to get serious about slowly getting off methadone. My counselor does not think I am emotionally ready. I will do what she asks - but I have truly never got the feeling that anyone at this clinic cares about me. never. I have never had a bad urine, oh yes I had a benzo in my urine but then I got a script for it and I am very careful with it. I know they can be dangerous but now that my Mom is gone I am cutting back on them so that in a few weeks I should be off of those completely. The problem is I wake up in the morning before I take my methadone and cry, cry, cry...when it wears off I cry, cry, cry and don't know if its the methadone or me. I guess I am rambling on and on, have not had anyone to talk to as I just moved here shortly b4 my mom died (thinking I would take care of her and she would live alot longer). I am trying NOT to be on the poor me, poor me train but I seem to be going there and I know that is dangerous. I was addicted to oxycontin and had a job where I had a continuous supply of them. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, if I should have weaned off of the oxy but of course that would not work. I could not go to treatment could not afford to give up my job and methadone seemed to be an easy way out. Now, five years later its not so easy, I am sorry to sound so darn ungrateful, I know methadone saved my life and I have to keep telling myself this. My dose does not last much longer than eight hours, and I do not want to go UP I want to go down and am wondering, how will I EVER get off of this? anyway thanks for listening and thanks for bringing to my attention about us whiners. guess I needed to hear that and when it comes right down to it I am grateful to be clean, sober today. just wish sometimes I could and wonder will I ever be able to get off of methadone successfully. Thank you, I am new to this and this is my first post, so go easy on me (ha)

Thank you for your story! <br />
It's inspiring how committed you are. :~)<br />
It took me a while on MMT before I was clean. Now I haven't done heroin in years, either (unbelievably!). <br />
Congratulations on getting your life back!!