My Baby Got Off Methadone Y Cant I?

i'm 24, just had my 3rd child. I'm at a methadone clinic now. I started off w/ oxycontin when one of my twin duaghters died at 1 mo. old. I did't grieve, just got high. My baby's father abused me and used w/ me. I bought all his drugs and he went to jail alot. He's never been here during my pregnencys or seen the births. he told me i killed our baby, he didn't even go to her funeral when he had a chance. She died the day before my 21st birthday! I have way to much going on right now. I travel to the clinic 3 x's wk now it was1 x but ive been told ive been there a yr and i may be a terminel patient. I'm sussposed to get off for good in 6 - 10 months, i have dhs pushing on my back. i'm on 110 mg and hav been for the last yr. I have huge anxiety, im soo incredibly scared of w/drawl that ill have meds at home as "backup" in case of bad weather or they cut meoff. please some one reach out to me and help me ive been kicked out of a clinic and denied from one. ive never been to rehab iv managd to dodge it. i should b enjoyin being a new mom but all i can think about is being sick for months.weaning down and after im off being sick for months and i havnt even started. My 2 mo. old w/drew off morphine, i did that to her, what kind of person am i if my bb can do it and i cant? i really need encouragement w/ all the people out there telling us we r stuck forever.

harlowsmom harlowsmom
22-25, F
5 Responses Mar 2, 2010

In recovery it's very important that we be selfish. Yes, many ppl have a negative view of methadone. But frankly I feel it's a lot better than the alternative. Which is a birds eye view of you on a bathroom floor with a needle in ur arm. So what if you r a terminal patient. It may be difficult and stressful to think about coming off, but if the ten months are up n ur not ready to come off then don't. Don't risk using again n jeopardizing ur child's welfare. In so many ways. Or ur own. I've been on my program for a year and my daughter will b one in October. U cannot compare ur daughter coming off to u coming off there a r so many differences it's not even a comparison!!

Hi Harlow,<br />
I dabbled with Methadone for a couple of years but I never took over 10 mgs. I will not lie, just getting of 5 mgs is hard. I got into it because my mom is/was taking it. She takes sooooo much. She can probably take 200 mgs (pill form). She falls asleep everywhere and is full of anxiety. It is hard to be a child from a mom who is like that. She is tuned out to the world and her kids. I feel very sorry for her, and you. I do know how hard it is from watching my mom withdrawl after she has taken her whole sc<x>ript. This is the only times she tries. So as long as you keep trying you are doing the right thing and hoipefully your children can accept that. I do notice that my mom gets into this bad habit of negative thinking, which is hard to exccape. We call it the "black cloud syndrome" because it feels like one is just following you around. If you can try and keep some happy thoughts the road may not feel so bumpy

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. You are obviously a strong person, I can tell by the way you talk and the fact that you are still trying and actively looking for help.I've been on MMT for over five years, I don't understand what your clinic is doing to you. Sounds like they are punishing you because you are "too much" of an addict. Is that right???? They took away your take homes because they consider you "hopeless"? That doesn't sound right at all.<br />
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Oh, and Blackmagic said, "by no means are you stuck. wean yourself off of the drugs SLOWLY to prevent withdrawal. i was on some moderately addictive pk's a few years ago, and thats what i did:<br />
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Stick with what you know, pal. Your little percs are childs play compared to what this woman is facing.

I have xanax for the withdrawls, I know its really hard but just ween yourself down, if you need somebody to talk to, I went throught the same thing, email me k?

I'm so sorry harlow. Just remember there is a future out there no matter how much crap you have been through. People make mistakes, it doesn't make them evil, its the drug thats evil. Withdrawing is going to be really hard but you are taking a step in the right direction and you should be proud of yourself, alot of people don't make it and those that do, go on to live good lives and are alive to tell the tale. I hope things work out for you (((Hugs)))