I Only Find Peace When Im Asleep(social Anxiety,bdd,lonliness)i Sometimes Want To Die

Every situation im in i have social anxiety of ppl judging me for how i look..And the fact of the matter is ppl do judge me they look at me in the eye and either look at me with their eyes open like WTF..Or look away in disgust...Ive worked as a Casheir for 4yrs and some interactions ive had have been akward to say the least..Im not outgoing..Im not smiley..And i have Dark Circles and Wrinkles under my eye and im black..Coworkers have told me i look mean without my glasses and that i look better with them on!..Ive been told by customers i looked tired..I have to go the extra mile when i smile..so i have to change my expressions..Raise my eyebrows so i dont look mad..squint because my wrinkles fold and they creep ppl out..alot of ppl i smile at look at me funny like their disgusted with me.. I remember ringing up these girls one day a group of them..And them smiling at me me smiling back..but then them seeing my eyes and looking at me in disgust..i didnt look at them in the eye the rest of the transaction...I looked up and one of them was staring at me like i was ugly..I couldnt believe what was happening..I rang up so fast and put them on their way..Im not crazy am i can ppl be that shallow..

Ask yourslef this if elephant man rang you up and he didnt talk but was very nice and tried to smile would you look at him funny...
Do you know what that does to someones pyschi..Coworkes dont even look me in the eye..I feel so damn ugly i dont want to live ive contimplated suicide so much..I only find peace when im sleeping..I dont even go out of the house anymore in fear of ppl looking at me funny...And it has happenend i remember a cashier smiling at me and me smiling back and her face turning into a ewwww face...Same with the CS rep she stared at a customer who had a normal face he actually looked mad..but when it came to me and my nice guy hello smile face she looked at the counter and didnt look at me the rest of them time...

PPL who are 30 yrs older than me or 20 yrs even look at me like that...
When you interact with ppl you look into their eyes..I see no body that has eyes like mines..i feel inferior i want to die..Everyone can have this world..ive tried all the creams to get rid of them..and me being a guy doesnt help i got ridiculed today for carrying around a eye mask..everyone laughed at me at my work..
Every sitiuation is ackward nowadays..No situation is normal..Im to damn worried about what ppl think of me..If i could read minds and i could here what ppl thought of me and they said i was ugly or eeeeew look at his eyes..I would go to jail..I dont know what effect this will have on me in the future im scared..
I dont like ppl to get the best of me..

MY Dark circles and wrinkles are severe they wont go away...

How do i get tough skin
What do i tell ppl who look down to me or what can i say to let them know that what their doing is wrong or that im a human just tryna live
I want to fight everyone that looks at me in the eye and is shocked by my appearance..Im angered..

How i look isnt who i am..but ppl treat me like im the most ugliest thing to ever walk the earth and im tired of it..IM A ******* SOUL INSIDE THIS BODY..IM TIRED..

What can i do to make this STOP!
I wont but i do have suicidal thoughts...My life also sucks i dropped outta college..My peers have graduated and moved on..
Beautiful and Normal ppl do get it so easy dont they..Everything sorta handed to them..I cant even have a convo without ppl looking at me like im a piece of ****!!!

What can i do to not let ppl get to me
What can i do to retaliate someone who looks at me funny at my place of work..or on the street
What can i do to someone who calls me ugly or worthless
What can i or say to someone who says You still work here? And its been 4 yrs
I want revenge and i want to be treated like a GOD DAMN HUMAN!

May 11, 2012