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My Dark Companion

Yes I have, but that doesn't mean my troubles are over. But for once I'm okay with that.

Will it come back? Am I slipping into again now without realising? I don't know. I don't think I'm going down again. If you've been to the very bottom surely anything slightly better than that looks great. So could I still be in it but don't know because it just looks better than before? Again I don't think so, but these questions do float around my head. I try not to dwell on them though.

Do you want to know what saved me? My guinea pigs. Perhaps that's surprising to some people. I don't know where I'd be without them, and even though I only have one of them left now they still push me on. Animals are so innocent and beautiful. How could I think of leaving a world filled with such fantastic creatures? My guinea pigs needed me to take care of them. I knew all about guinea pigs; I knew if something was wrong or if everything was great and wonderful with them. Nobody else I lived with knew that stuff. They relied on me, and I on them. They'd been abandoned in the past and I had rescued them. They too had been hurt but there they were living their lives. They didn't give up so neither could I.

Was it really as simple as that? I'm I remembering it correctly? The depressed me seems like a completely different person now. I think so differently now it's hard for me to remember how I used to be even though it wasn't that long ago. It's like I have amnesia; my brain doesn't want me to remember how I used to think and feel because that could lead me from simply reminiscing to returning. It's odd. And quite frustrating sometimes. I feel as if I'm not allowed to think about it or talk to people with it. I'm that person that will say "It will get better. Trust me."; that phrase that never helped me.

In a way I sort of miss it. I had it for so long, so many years, that it became my companion instead of my enemy. My soul is free from it now but it is still healing from the wounds inflicted upon it. I'm learning how to live without that dark companion.

I will never be one of those really cheery, bubbly, upbeat and constantly happy people. That's just not who I am, but I'm also not depressed, and that makes me smile.
UnseenBlossom UnseenBlossom 18-21, F 2 Responses Dec 23, 2010

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depression sucks i am so happy to be back with my life. i was on Xanax and a bunch of drugs for a while and then i sttoped taking it. i started to hit the gym and i can tell you exercise totally ended my anxiety and fears. I would encourage you to exercise as well, it helped me out. <br />
There is something in your life that will enable you to overcome anxiety you just have to find it. <br />
Good luck:)

I dont know if you check this much, or if you keep up with this. I'm 21 years old, I'm married hve a wonerfull husband, nice home, vehicles.. The works.. But I'm not happy. I was diagnosed and noticed th depression and anxiety at 15-16. I was pt on medication and still am on medication. At one point in my life, the medication worked.. and as you described in your story.. you somewhat 'forgot that feeling' The alone, depessed, scared, gloomy, dark and frightenin feeling. I had that. I then went off my medication and for a few months was fine and then, BAM! It was back. Since then and most recently I have been bouncing from medication to medication. Theres just a mear bit f something inside of me to keep going. Its so exhausting, mentally and emotionally. Im tired. I fed up. I'm mad! I want to feel that feeling of 'forgetting what it was like'. I'm detaching myself from everything. To wake up in the morning is awull. Im so truly happy for you, Im happy that you froget the severety of the depession. You may not like it sometimes.. But I wouldnt wish this poblem on my own worst enimy. I so happy you've overcome it. Congrats and I hope you continue on that path, I truley do. Storys like yours give me that little bit of hope. Where you on medication? are you now?