Depression Is For Life

I have been depressed since I was a teenager. It was really bad at 15 and then it went into the background for a while. We moved and I was homesick and got really depressed. Then I had my son and went into postpartum depression. I got to the point were I did not see a reason to live anymore and I realized that I needed help. At that time I had been on anti-depressant for 2 years and they did not help, they only made me function and dull to everything. My husband brought me to the hospital, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and I went for 3 weeks to day clinic, it was hard to change my thinking, I had to become selfish to learn to protect myself.
Today, 17 years later, I'm not "Depressed", but I have bad days and if you don't pay attention it will sneak back into your life.
You have to always stay a step ahead. Sometimes I'm going down that path for a couple of days until I realize what's happening, but as soon as I do I get back onto track and do what I have to to get back to normal.
stitch45 stitch45
41-45, F
5 Responses May 8, 2012

I am just recently coming out of of a 5 yr major depression episode. Do you feel like pople really don't understand depression? I mean if I had say lupus or MS or other such illnesses, I'm sure my friends & relatives would say, "Oh really? Well, no wonder you haven't been yourself." and other such sentiments. When I say I struggle with depression, they just say things like, "Oh, you'll be alright, you're just too sensitive.", "Why don't you ever call or come around? Do you think you're too good for us now?", and the one that takes the cake, "You've just let the Devil get the best of you." So I struggle through alone and now coming out of it I feel rather resentful towards them for not being more caring and sympathetic. In fact, 3 yrs ago, I told my best friend that the night before I had attempted suicide in my car (CO poisoning) but the thought of my kids dealing with the fall out stopped me. My Father killed himself (CO poisoning) and before I experienced depression myself, I always wondered why he didn't love me enough to stay. Anyway, I haven't heard from her since. I just don't think people understand how crippling it can be and that the brain is an organ just like the heart and other organs and just like them can make you physically ill.

St johns wort is only a problem if your on birth control pill,because it makes it less reliable and if you are out in the sun a lot it makes you more sensitive.
In Germany they use it more and more instead of anti depressants.
I was on anti depressants for two years they don,t make you better they just make you function. I walked through life like a Zombie no feelings neither good nor bad.
You need to work on your list you are on the right way,just start walking now and don't look back.

Stitch,
I've heard of St. John's Wort before....maybe I don't remember correctly, but I don't think you can take it with other medications? I am on antidepressants. Thanks for sharing your strategies though; I totally agree, exercise is sooo important. Very difficult to get myself to do it on my own though when I'm not feeling well. I've started writing out a "road map" to refer to anytime I feel the depression creeping in. Just things to make sure to incorporate in my day: exercise (even 15 mins), call a friend up to go for lunch/coffee or see a movie to keep myself social, don't isolate myself in my room, make sure I am showering, try to eat a certain amount of fruit and drink lots of water...etc. Those things for me are what ground me and keep me balanced. I haven't had the opportunity yet to really test this roadmap but hopefully it will help.

Hello Amanda
When I can't get out of that downward spiral I rely on help from nature.
I use Kava Kava , when it is really bad, for imidiate help -and St. Johns wort for when it sticks around- it puts your brain straight and you can start thinking in more positive ways.
I also find it helps to move-exercise-walking-yoga
I'm happy to talk to you and support, I had my share of people trying to explain to me that I have everything going for me, how can I be depressed.

Right now I'm really struggling with how to "get back on track" when I feel my depression and those old behaviours/thinking coming back. It's startling how dramatically my mood and outlook on life can nosedive within 48 hours. And I know when it's happening, but I can't get myself to go back to the basics of staying "normal". I'll eat crap food and too much which makes me feel disgusting and then I hate myself and criticize my body and then I'm "less than" other girls, etc etc... I have such a huge amount of trouble keeping that downward spiral from continuing once I see it. I have a feeling that it would make it easier to confide in someone during these times, someone to be strong and help set things right FOR me, but even opening up and being honest about my "situation" is difficult. How do you broach that subject?