The First Day

I had my first session with what i call, my head doctor today. It went great. After telling her how i caught my "true love" in many lies and got rid of her, she was actually proud. She mentioned most people with this disorder can't let go of things we think are dear to us. After finding out she was lying to me, it was real easy. Mind you, i still have feelings for her. I know its stupid, but they will too fade with time as this depression will. Only getting an hour of this womans time we didn't get into a lot about me. Not yet. I have an appointment once a week with her. Then it will be every two weeks. Just knowing i have this help is quite a relief. I am still a little troubles about facing this alone. No family here. Not really anyone i can call a "best friend" either to talk to. Eve she said she was worried about that. So I've decided to get my fishing license. After all, i do have close to $500 in fishing gear.
My biggest worry now, is this "true love" contacting me. I still have feelings for her. I'm also a very forgiving person. But i know i can't do that. Unless he gets help for her lies and depression i believe she also has. We can never mix. 

Grizzly007 Grizzly007
46-50, M
3 Responses Aug 29, 2012

I'm so glad you're doing better and your story is such an inspiration. Really helps to read it over and over.
I am in a similar situation. My fiance left me about three and a half months ago 'cause (at the risk of getting too personal) I wanted to wait till we got married to consummate the relationship and he couldn't. (we were to be married in another 3 months)
It's been over 3 months now and I'm still struggling with the breakup and trying to come to terms with what happened, while he's out there living his life and moving on like nothing ever happened and we didn't matter. But I guess that's just what guys do.

Anyway, I haven't made much progress in these past few months and I'm afraid I'm slipping into a deep depression. It frightens me 'cause I'm really worried about the quality of life I will have if I turn out to be clinically depressed. I live in constant fear of everything around me. Sometimes I just want to end it all, but I know I will never do that 'cause I have a lovely family and I could never hurt them the way I'm hurting. The loneliness is what's toughest to deal with. My self esteem and confidence are completely crushed and I feel so worthless and a good for nothing human being. I'm 28 by the way.
Thanks for sharing your story and I wish you the best in life and only happiness. You deserve it!

Great, proud of u too dear friend.<br />
Love hurts and it will take as long as it takes to get over this so don't be hard on yourself but also protect your heart and u made your decision ba<x>sed on facts that you have seen for yourself.<br />
Going back on your decision will only bring more pain and you can forgive without gong back to her. With your personality and ability to love so deeply, I do believe there is a perfect heart and soul fit for you dear friend.

thank you. i found out today i wasnt the only one shes done this to. breaking hearts i mean. feel a lot better today knowing shes just a player.

good for you, now stay can do it!!!!

Thank you. Letting someone you love go was the first step i was told today. not easy when you still have feelings for them though.

oh I how well I know, time doesn't heal all wounds, but time makes things not so bad, so give yourself time and heal.

that i am. one thing we talked about was "tasks". my first one is going

there you go, nothing like a good fishing trip, been a while since i just went fishing

its just not easy when someone is on your mind alot...kind of a let down. know what i mean?

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