AggravationI know I'm still "healing" and its early, but, getting positive thoughts in your head while living alone isn't easy. One thing I've noticed is my patience. I don't have any. Oddly enough i had them before i knew about this disorder. Is repressing and patience the same thing? Is this something I'm going to lose when i "heal"? I'm amazed at the time it takes me now to get upset over something. Sometimes minutes, sometimes not at all. It what i choose to get me upset thats confusing. Little things use to just pass my mind on by. Now its a different story. The things that upset me now are a but aggravating. I mean getting mad over something as small as finding a pencil. I couldn't stop myself from tearing apart my place looking for one. Yet, I've done some cleaning for the management here and haven't got paid yet. Do i get upset over that? NO. I use to get quite upset when people owed me money. Why aren't i mad about that? Words seem to set me off too. That combined with action. Tell me one thing and do another REALLY gets to me right now. I'm about ready to say "Screw this place. I'm becoming a damn Hermit." Being told one thing and not seeing it happen is my hardest time to deal with depression. I'm doing my best to control this and having that happen isn't helping on damn bit! Is it easier to live as a hermit then with society? I'm doing my damnedest to be a better person inside. When you have people filling you with bullshit, it makes just that much tougher.
Grizzly007 46-50, M 2 Responses 0 Sep 10, 2012