Heading To The Border..line

Since 4 yrs I have been like so alone and yet I had dreams of living a great life,my home was a lonely dark place where I had no voice. at 55 I feel the loneliness that is my constant companion. I raised 4 great college ed. kids. But I feel more scared because they are grown and gone and I am left to be seen for the ill mom. They expect me to just join in but fear of my mind setting me up to be judged by them has left to use drugs to take me away from myself. I thought I was ok finally 10 months I did pretty good, but now family is wanting me to be normal. I have 2 new grand babies but I will never be the person they want. My family needs to get glimpse of what pain I feel. But they don't seem to believe how sick I am or except the tragic mental illness. I want them to understand but its not likely.
freefallin57 freefallin57
51-55, F
Dec 10, 2012