Relationship

I always avoided relationships because although i am not shallow i am picky in other ways and never felt a real emotional connection until i met my ex fiance. I was definitely vulnerable at the time. I was 19 and jumping in and out of rehabs for my addiction to pills, booze, and any other mind altering substance i could get my hands on. At my last rehab things seemed to click and i was ready to get sober june 21, 2010. at this rehab i met my ex. In rehab they tell you not to date other addicts and no major changes so of course i did the exact opposite. 2 and a half years later i am unengaged on and off with him. we went through a lot together. he helped me get sober, i got him through a year of jail time and parole where i moved a state away just to live with him for a year and moved back home to new york when we needed space from each other. he was there when i went through the process of being diagnosed with celiac disease. last year on christmas we had our first real break up and have been on and off ever since. for some reason we cant let each other go. im so comfortable with him and truly do love him i always will but we are at the point where we are not good to each other or good for each other. the jealousy is terrible and the trust issues are worse. i have been asked out on lots of dates by other guys and a girl but havent been ready to date other people yet. i know i need to just grow a pair and block his number but somethings holding me back. if i wanted a new bf i could have one so its not that im afriad of being alone. i guess im afraid i will never find love again. i almsot wish i never experienced it. its such an amazing thing and im not sure i believe we have more than one true love in our lives. i keep telling myself to go with the flow and eventually whatever is meant to happen will happen. im not sure yet.
sunshine207 sunshine207
22-25, F
Dec 13, 2012