I'm the worst. I'm amost 40 and I live with my parents. I can't seem to find a good job. I'm a good worker but no one will hire a black older guy with marijuana in his system. Yeah I smoke herbals to ease my thoughts of depression. But I don't buy any cause I never have money. And I have 4 kids. They love me but see's my loser status. I can't do nothing for them and I don't even call them like I want to. I procrastinate like I invented the action. I am a christian too but a worthless one. I failed at college, failed in the military, failed at my marriage, failing as a father, son, brother, uncle, boyfriend, and a friend. I'm overwieght. I appreciate my parents for taking me in but I don't show it. Its hard for me to keep up with my things. Every job I had I don't get paid enough cause of the child support that gets deducted so I can't keep a place to keep my kids. I have "more talents" then my siblings but they have more determination to be successful. I refuse the thought of suicide. But I feel like I'm a waist of body & breath. Life is too hard for me. I feel like God wants me to go in one direction but I keep going in the other so I'm paying for it by failing at everything.