Always Have And I Suppose I Always WillI started out like most anybody, without any conscious intention on picking up a habit or relegating myself to a stigmatized group. Neither concept was well formed in my view of the world, seeing as I was so young I do not recall when I started. It's just something I've always done.
But I remember the first time I was told to stop. I was in the car with my mom, in the front passenger seat, and I began picking my nose naturally as can be. My mom told me to stop that, and made it pretty clear that what I was doing was not okay to her or most people. Somehow this idea was pretty clear. And I recall, almost clear as day, how I said not a word, turned my head, as if to look out my window, and continued to surreptitiously carry on my merry way, finger in nose.
To this day, my response to that experience stands out as one example among many of how I have always had a strong sense of self and feel justified in being who I am and not kowtowing to arbitrary expectations of others that they would impose upon me, more out of habit, culture, or indoctrination, than out of anything substantial I can find myself capable of being swayed by.
To many it is gross, and I generally keep it to myself. However, anyone who ends up in a long-term relationship with me finds out about it, since I can't feel completely whole with another as long as I reserve aspects of my being. Perhaps I should be more truthful in advertising beforehand. Do I feel gross about it? No. Do I actually enjoy that this is part of my life? Yes. Do I find them tasty? Such a funny question, but yes, in fact I do. And apparently I am not alone. They have conducted surveys of nose pickers and results show that the majority of these consider their acquisitions as such.
So call it gross, call it funny, call it whatever you want. But of one thing I am certain: it's been part of me for this long, I doubt it's going anywhere, and yeah, you know (as I honestly get tear-jerky about this), it kinda makes me feel better to make my declaration to the world: this is part of who I am.
chajadan 31-35, M 2 Responses 2 Sep 24, 2010