Far Away Pain

Pure as snow or black as coal?
Does he hate me
or secretly like me?
Which one?
I need to know
or I'll be confused
Tell me please...
I need to know
I love you too much.
That it hurts.

It's an echoing pain in my heart.
This emotion wants to be expressed
yet I don't know how to express it.
Your cold stare
freezes my heart.

It burns my heart, creating a bigger hole
only you can fill.
Your hugs linger and I always feel them
but the warmth I want isn't your body's.
I want the warmth that comes from your heart,
the warmth that makes me feel like I'm flying.
I want you to genuinaly smile at me.
To laugh with me and to love me
but it may not be possible.
Because of my dark fear.

My fear has cuased me to lose you
along with any hope I have of getting you back
but I still long for you to come back.
For my fear to disappear.

My fear is that you will leave me all alone.
Alone for me to wallow in my guilt and despair.
Despair is all I can feel for what I have done to you.
Hurting one of the most precious people that I love.
I understand your hatred but wish that would change.

For now, watching you from afar
is all I can do.
Watching you gain happiness with others.
Being happy that your happy is all I can do.
But that's ok for me.
Your happiness is my happiness.
cvercimak cvercimak
13-15, F
May 18, 2012