I Posted My Ex On Womansavers and Many Other Sites To Warn Women

My story of abuse is long so I will try to keep it as brief as possible. In 2004, I met a man from an online dating site - a Christian online dating site. He seemed sincere, was nice looking and seemed very interested in me. A little about me. I have been divorced once and have grown children who I adore but I am lonely and was actively searching to meet someone to share my life with. I am active in my church so I thought that a Christian dating site would be a good place to meet a nice man who shares the same core beliefs that I do. John contacted me and looking back I know now that I had been profiled as his next victim. We corresponded by email and phone and he seemed to love what I had to say and asked many questions. We also had a lot in common but what I found out later is that he used something called a "mirroring" technique where you just agree with everything a person says and tell them you like exactly what they like in order to gain their trust. Johnn moved quickly and waisted no time telling me how beautiful and wonderful I was and that I was the dream woman he had always been looking for. We spent long nights talking and I feel hard and fast for him.

A few months into the relationship John started to ask if he could borrow some things - my ipod, some money (not large amounts yet) and various other miscellaneous items. I didn't think twice about this because I thought he was a great guy. I actually did do a background check on him and his criminal record was clean so I moved forward with confidence. John told me he had dated other Christian women but it had never worked out. Our relationship continued to get deeper and during this time, John asked me to buy him a very expensive suit for his job interviews, asked me for help in paying for his lasic eye surgery to help him feel more confident and started "borrowing" my credit card to buy groceries and various other items for us, all of which I had no problem with. I have a good paying secure job and had no problem helping him find a permanent job as when I met him, he supposedly had just quit his job because he didn't like it and wanted to find something he loved. It was about this time that I started noticing things were off. One time John asked me if I had a will and if I didn't, he knew someone who could help me write one "becaue everyone should have one." It gets more strange. Ironically, at the same time, I was working on a will but I had crumpled it up and thrown it in my kitchen trash and taken the trash outside. There was no other evience in my home about this will and he did not have access to my computer. John was digging through my trash outside to find out more about me. I told him I thought about it and I was already working on it and left it at that. John propossed marriage shortly after and even though we had been dating for 8 months, I felt he was moving too fast but I was scared of being lonely again so I said "yes."  John had only had a few odd jobs during this time and I paid for almost everything. We went to pick out a ring and I ended up paying for it and he promised he would pay me back as soon as he got a job. Then the large purchases began. He bought a new stereo system for his car on my credit card which I gave to him to buy groceries, bought more clothes for himself, went tanning and bought himself a Rolex watch. In one day, he spent nearly $10,000 purchasing items for himself with my credit card. I exploded and told him I can't afford purchases like that and he became violently angry and I saw a side of him I had never seen. He said since we were engaged to be married we are a team now and I should support his wanting to look professional so he could get a high paying job for our future together. Believe it or not, he actually made me feel guilty.

I got my credit card back from him and a week later he was gone with all his new stuff that he bought with my credit card. He also took with him many items that he purchased while he was with me like CD's, DVD's, and other miscellaneous items.  All in all, within 8 months he conned over $16,000 out of me. I called my VISA card company and they said since I gave him the card, I gave him permission to use the card on the items. I also called the police to see if anything could be done but they said he didn't really do anything "illegal." A few weeks later I saw a new photo of him in the new suit that I bought him on the same Christian dating site were we met. As I shared my story with some of my church members I met two other women who he had done the exact same thing to but they didn't lose as much money as me. He had proposed quickly to all of them and then left them after cleaning them out financially. I learned a hard lesson about trust and felt very stupid for allowing someone to use my credit card...but he wasn't just someone...he was someone who I gave my heart trust to who I was engaged to married to.

My heart was broken and I cried for months. Not only did I share my story with members of my church, I told my story to anyone who would listen. I scoured the internet for sites like womansavers, datingpsychos and other review sites to share my experience. It was therapeutic and writing it still helps me heal. Besides that, I never contacted him or heard from him again. Ladies be careful who you give your heart out to and even more careful who you trust with your hard-earned money. Sometimes even people who claim to have values turn out to be abusive or con artists. My ex was slick and I am sure there are many others out there just like him. Be safe everyone.

Sillysarah Sillysarah
31-35, F
19 Responses Feb 27, 2010

POSTED: 07/30/13, 5:06 PM PDT | 0 COMMENTS
Two Washington women and an Orange County man have been arrested on suspicion of duping a 67-year-old woman out of $34,000 in cash and jewelry in Torrance, police said Tuesday.

Police identified the suspects as Arthur Howard, 59, of Westminster; Antionette Armstrong, 53, of Seattle; and Cassaundra Green, 49, of Burien, Wash. All three were arrested Thursday in Hawthorne, Torrance police Sgt. Robert Watt said.

“The detectives believe they are responsible for several incidents in Torrance, the South Bay, the county and along the coast,” Watt said.

The trio is suspected of committing what are commonly referred to as “pigeon drops,” crimes that bilk victims out of considerable money — sometimes their entire life savings.

The group typically befriended a stranger in a public place and told the person they had received a lucrative inheritance, offering to give them a portion, Watt said.

In Torrance’s July 19 crime, Howard allegedly approached the victim outside a 99 Cents Only Store on 182nd Street near Western Avenue. He struck up a conversation and told the woman he had received an inheritance, but in order to receive it, he had to donate money to two strangers. Armstrong then approached, playing the role of the second stranger, Watt said.

The suspects asked the victim to provide “good faith” money up front, so the victim withdrew cash and collected jewelry and gave it to them. She never saw them again, Watt said.

Officers developed information that led them to the suspects, who were arrested at a Hawthorne motel. Police recovered a significant amount of money and props the people used to validate their story, Watt said.

The three were booked on suspicion of elder abuse, grand theft and conspiracy. Howard and Armstrong have been charged but Green was released pending further investigation.

“There are good people out there, but if strangers are coming up to you with schemes to acquire free money, then it seems very suspicious and your local law enforcement agency needs to be notified,” Watt said. “These people commonly target the elderly and who they believe are the most vulnerable.” Be aware of Arthur Lee Howard Aka Yusuf AbdulHakim go by the name of Frenshie he target basically Asians and elderly , he is very dangerous man he can con you of your earning, he is an expert in coming people google the article you will see his picture. He is a violent and abuser too.

This is so sad.. But the same thing just happened to me. I've been single for a lot of years and very lonely. I met a guy on Plenty of Fish named Mark Palumbo - his profile says he is from West Deptford, NJ but he really lives in Gloucester City, NJ. He came on very strong - was telling me he loved me and wanted to get married within a month of dating him. He was on unemployment when I met him. So of course, I paid for everything. I actually did a resume for him, and within 2 days of sending the resume out, he had two job offers. He took the one and was fired in one week. Before he got the job he told me his license was suspended, so I loaned him $400 to get it back. Shortly after that, I found him on a dating site, and ended it... So now he is ignoring me and no plans to pay me back. He was also very abusive to me. Remember this name - Mark Palumbo - Lives in Gloucester City , NJ but on dating sites he says he lives in West Deptford, NJ.. This man is a loser - he uses women then treats them so badly

I'm so sorry to hear about your horrid experience! Too many bad men hurt good women. My ex, Ian Marcus Corfield is one of them. He is 46, british, goes by uk-to-usa on OKCupid, works for Wilkinson and Associates as a realtor in Charlotte,NC. Watch out ladies, he starts out as a total charmer, flowers, picnics, compliments, the works. Very quickly he will start emotionally abusing you, cruelty in private that becomes cruelty in public, using sex against you, lying about you to others to isolate you. As soon as this happens, he will expect you to grovel and praise him, whether you do or not, he will get colder, more manipulative and meaner. He is not satisfied until your selfconfidence is totally broken. Please don't be fooled like I was into thinking that you're different or special enough to bring out the best in him. His 'best' is only a sales pitch, not the real him.

Beware of a guy named James Robert Devine - Alias Peter Moss. Will use you , marry you, promise big plans for himself. He is 31 years old and currently in NC, but may go to Fl. He is a convicted felon con artist that preys on Christian woman. Beware! Do your research

Wow.....it's amazing at how low some people will go when it comes to how they handle their relationships these days. I personally think that it all boils down to how one respects themselves at their inner core. <br />
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People are more and more cruel to the person they are in a relationship. It's no wonder that sites like www.reportyourex.com and www.exwarnings.com are so popular.<br />
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People should wise up and treat their partner better. If you don't want to treat your partner properly, then why would you be with them in the first place?

Im so sorry for what happened to you. Its better to talk about it. Dont give up on love. There are good men out there. God bless.

Im so sorry for what happened to you. Its better to talk about it. Dont give up on love. There are good men out there. God bless.

Oh honey I am so sorry you had to go through that :(Thank you for caring enough to use this to try to teach others....

There are lots of men you find in online dateing site that are honest and trustable. I met one, and I am very lucky to have meet some one as him. I have hear lots of stories like yours. It is a shame that men act this way, taking advantage on how lonely we can feel. They make us be more precaucios, beacuse of this type of men. It's nt fair for the GOOD MEN out there. I met several nice guys, before I was lucky to find the very special" person that is now filling my heart and life.<br />
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But I always knew that a man that asked for money was not worth it at all!

unfortunately there have to be jerksout there that make a bad name for all men.. I am so sorry you had to go through that. But thank you for having the strength and the courage to expose the fact that women need to be careful no matter where they meet the guy

What a sad story. As told, you sound very gullible, but I have no doubt that things seemed very different at the time. I hope the law catches up with him before he does much more harm. People like him cause far more harm than a burglar would, since they play havoc with people's emotional lives. You may have had a lucky escape. There are numerous accounts of conmen who end up murdering their victims. His interest in wills was chilling.

It must feel very empowering to be able to spread the word about him like this. Imagine how disgusting it must feel to be him! To be inside his skin! What a creep! Yuck!

thank you so much for thinking about your sisters in your own trauma. when your story touches us it gives us pause and in this world we need to pause often. i feel so sorry that happened to you. i think you are very bright and courageous. thank-you sister.

Sarah, I am so sorry that you were betrayed by this so called man..I think the truely frightening part is him asking you about a will...I don't even think about what he might have been planning..I'm glad you got away from him..Your a good person so don't be so hard on yourself...

Oh i feel for you . there are so many sites on here that you would think are good safe<br />
dating sites but the con game of using women and men, still have survived . i feel for you. my mother in law was on a '' christan dating site'' too and they emailed her the first email ,she started sharing with us, we noticed the emails seemed to have 3 diffrent people writitng the love emails the 3 one he was talking so trashie he wanted marry her by the 4th email . then he was saying how they would share thier life together and do all kinds of things. well the 5th email he needed 2200 dollars he was in africa some one attacked him and he had no money . and on and on. dont be so hard on your self<br />
so many like you want love and get conned , my hsuand got conned by a women friend he met on line she got him to write her a small check and then she used his check wrouting number she payed all her bills , then he got to paying his bills and the bank called him and said sir your over drawn. well this couldnt be he told her he just depostied over a thoundand dollars and handen spent any of it so he went to the bank to see what was going on, so he befriended this nurse <br />
and he called her on it in a chat room and boy she made donald out to be a real jerk. but all donald wanted to do was be kind to his friend . so many cons out there . huggs to you hun.<br />
karla

I guess I am lucky because I have only dated one man that would warrant posting his pix on the net with a warning to others. My heart goes out to each of you.

It's so heartbreaking to be betrayed by someone you trust. I haven't posted on womansavers but I have seriously thought about it. I don't know if it would do any good. My story is so crazy probably nobody would believe me anyway.

My heart goes out to you Sarah. I had heard about dontdatehimgirl but never womansavers or datingpsychos. I have a few guys I need to warn women about. Why does it seem like every woman has experienced some type of abuse or knows a woman who is has been abused? It's so sad. What type of a world do we live in where abused women have become so common?

Sarah you are being too hard on yourself. It's not like you only knew the guy for a couple of months. You spent a lot of time together and were in love and engaged. You didn't do anything wrong except trust the wrong guy.