When Words Are Said

Sometimes life throws you curve balls that you are unable to grasp. Sometimes you accidentally get diarrhea of the mouth and spew everything you are thinking and feeling with such an adrenaline rush that it feels great coming out BUT...less than 30 seconds you wish you could take it all back.

Those words you said...just altered the world you knew.  Typically, not for the better.  At least not for me.  No matter how many times you apologize, no matter how many times you hear the apology, no matter how many times you say everything is good, the words that were said have carved a scar into your universe.  The one that you thought was so perfect.  Yeah...that one.

I feel like I need to wear a muzzle and keep my mouth shut.  I feel that I need to place my fingers in my ears and stop listening.  Everything I touch, everything I say, everything I do...it burns, it hurts, it bleeds, it's toxic for anyone involved.

I am learning that the words that I think will be kept in my head.  I will not share them any longer.  I will keep my words to myself to protect the ones that I love the most.  My chaos is my chaos.  My love is my love.  I will keep both to myself without hurting anybody else.