My Process...

Hello...I don't yet practice Tantra, but I do have an interest in it...for I am said by some to carry a certain Kundalini energy within me. I'm a Year of the Snake baby who was born with a bit of an S-shaped spine, I've had a long fascination with Medusa, and two snake tattoos, as well as a screen name I thought I created years ago (Medusafern) only to later learn there is actually such a plant as the Medusa Fern (nice synchronicity)...I've also independently experienced past-life regressions, and received shamanic healings, and my understanding of Mary Magdalene is that she was a sexual healer from the Cult of Isis whose teachings helped prepare Jesus for the agony of the cross...and somewhere in there I heard a word called Ka...and ever since I was little I've carried within me a sense of empathy so intense that I can literally be inside the body of another suffering thing and feel its pain...and during the two or three times in the last 5 years I've been in any way intimate I hear a woman's voice inside me who is speaking a language I do not know, but she speaks in song, sensually, gently, with greatest Love and wisdom, and psychics have said to me it is Real...like my dreams of human angels intermeshed in one long undulating chain of intimacy, I feel things and see things and sense things that I believe make me a perfect candidate for Tantra and other forms of spiritual evolution and enlightenment...The problem being, and this appears to me to be of serious detriment to any hope I might have of practicing Tantra, is that I have unfortunately experienced a great deal of sexual trauma in my life, in my forms, at various times throughout my adulthood, such that I can never predict how I will react to sex, or even to intimate touch. Perhaps like a true Gemini, I am either exquisitely present or buried in ice. I am either open and welcoming, or suspicious, edgy, repulsed and succumbed to the Feral. Also, quite unfortunately, my luck with partners has been atrocious...and when I was 19 I contracted genital herpes, which all on its own has been sufficient to render me sexually isolated and off-limits... so I am not sure if there is hope for me in this respect...however my understanding is that I am here to trust and to open and to evolve in this way, so perhaps at some point in time, Tantra, or some path similar, will become a possibility for me...in any case, thank you for listening. I just found this lovely site today and I am very happy that I'm here. ~ Hillary
Faersylphaelsea Faersylphaelsea
41-45, F
2 Responses Aug 9, 2010

i am tantric master :)

I decided to leave this group because, wouldn't you guess, I got flooded with messages from men who are simply perverts. Nothing about Tantra, sacred sex, just about sex as degradation, manipulation, cheap, shallow, soulless lust. I won't tolerate that! It sickens me! Idiots like that should be screened and disallowed to participate in any Tantra group. I think I go back there and say that. Yes I will. ~ Hillary