One Morning...you Are A Different You

It is sad how many times I thought of this but one thing that sadly kept me going & dragged me out of a depressed rut & even from suicide is the idea of one morning I get up & I don't see my ugly dude mug in the mirror. It would make me feel better about my Outer -self. Inside I'm okay with it, & I know I can work on that part, but outside I am ugly, look like crap, & I physically suck. Can't do crap, my body just hurts for no reason and worst of all my voice sounds like out-of-tune violin.
I really feel I am female. And unlike those other people who want it to date men, to be sexy, etc. I wouldn't mind being normal & just continue my life just in a better body & life. Nothing amazing & different, not go off & become like a ***** or something, simply my life as a man is a shameful sad one. No one likes a guy like me, the few who "do" actually just pity me. But few people just treat me as another human being so that I guess gives me something. But furthermore, I feel I should have been female, & I wish one day it could just be that. Like God or an angel or something just came by & just say "oh, Duh sorry about that....*poof* there, enjoy your new life."
Make me a sure lot happier, even with the gender discrimination, gender-roles, & chauvinism, my life shouldn't be This.
But then again using the Reality of my thought process, I might just be crazy. Maybe I just have a bad self-image & horribly low self esteem, or my strange hatred of men. Maybe I think of women to much, maybe I should just get on with life & stop dreaming.
Nothing will change, unless I want to go spend the time & money to become one of those scientific monsters of transgenderism. That would make me more a freak than I am now. I am a freak already but, it doesn't show up physically....sorta.
(Also please don't take what I say to any offense I am simply talking negative to illustrate a point.)
deleted deleted
26-30
1 Response Jul 30, 2010

Dear, <br />
<br />
I don't think most transsexuals want to go and be ****** and freaks. The vast majority of post op transsexuals go off and be normal average women. <br />
<br />
You might enjoy "Transgeneration" it's a documentary series on 4 transsexuals and takes you down their journey. It's available instantly on Netflix. (and Netflix has a free trial...sooooo even if you aren't a member...)