Me, Myself And My Brain

Where do you start with a story like this?  Well, I am one of those people who just prefers to be left alone a good majority of the time.  It doesn't matter where I go or what I do, people aggravate me.  I am not depressed or hateful.  I have a family, 3 kids and a husband.  He is working most the time, I am a student, 2 of my kids are home and 1 in school.  I love them all to the ends of the Earth, but really I can't wait until I can leave and go to a coffee shop early in the morning and just read or do a crossword without packing them up to go with me.  Don't get me wrong, we do lots of things together... but I prefer being by myself.  I love to read and love to try to figure things out.  I am also a college student.  I do online studies because I am just not into the group study thing and do much better on my own.  I dive into my projects and other things around the house (with the exception of laundry which I HATE doing).  I see myself working as a mad scientist lol, all alone in my lab or behind a museum front, studying various ancient remnants and artifacts.  I don't go to church because quite frankly, fake people **** me off.  Not sure what else to say at this point.  Am I wrong for wanting to be by myself all the time?  I starve for alone time, even though considering I have 3 small kids, I get a lot of.  I jump head first into other worlds of fiction or scientific studies.  Does this mean there is something wrong with me?  I don't feel depressed.  I eat right and I sleep fine, not too much or too little and I don't really have mood swings unless I it's that time of the month.  Teaching people aggravates me.  I expect people to know everything as most act like they do anyway.  My husband and I don't spend too much time together, but enough for me and him both.  We get along fine with it and are both content.  

I never did jump on the click bandwagon at school.  All those preppy girls sickened me.  Fake.  I have my select circle of friends and they know and respect that I like my space.  I did the party thing when I was in my early twenties and it was fun, but they were not my real friends.  It was too impersonal to me.  Sleeping with strangers and drinking with associates who I could have cared less about really.  I don't drink or do drugs.  My IQ is slightly higher than average, but nothing to brag about.  My husband thinks I think too much and can't let my brain relax.  Why is that? Do I need a script for Xanax?  I don't want to slow down and I don't care to be more social either.  What do you make of this?

Arayex Arayex
26-30, F
2 Responses Mar 5, 2010

I am quite a bit older than you. And I can assure you there is nothing wrong with you. Do not spend most your life apologizing for your preference to be alone. I have come to see it as a positive thing. I do not need the approval of others. I too have an analytical and 'scientific' mind. According to tests I'm 61% left brained and 39% right brained. (So much for anlaysis. lol) I have actually downloaded financial data from the U.S. Government websites and analyzed the financial and economic trends in the U.S. just because I want to know bullsh*t when I hear it from the mouths of politicians. You do not need Zanax or anything. There is nothing wrong with you. Love yourself. Enjoy your life. You are blessed with a strong mind. Enjoy it.

I think you are fine for the most part. Everyone is different, its okay to not be social. But I would really do some soul searching about whether or not you are judgemental of others... Because it sounds like you really don't give others the benefit of the doubt. I used to be like that too, "preppy girls" sickened me too... BUT, you have to realize that they are people with souls, and baggage, and feelings. I know it seems like that is impossible, but it is true. Just remember, always be honest with yourself, give people the benefit of the doubt, and give yourself a break, if you and yours are happy- you're fine. :)