My Almost-12-year-old Son, Part 3

I had the Talk with him.
I told him that ************ was normal, feeling pleasure from it was okay, being interested in sex was all right.
I also told him that I knew about his cybersex activities, that I had found his **** stash, and that I had deliberately ruined it. I apologized for that, especially for lying about it before.
I told him why I objected to the cybersex thing, especially with adult males. I also told him that **** might be fascinating, real people are better and he should find someone he can love.
He said he understood. We had a talk about the gay thing, and he admitted he had been having sexual feelings for a long while now, but only toward boys. I told him he was my son no matter what and we hugged.
Then he asked for permission to get his computer hookup back. He said he wouldn't have cybersex with any adult males ever again. I eventually caved in on that. He also took out his emergency **** stash. He had recorded everything and a lot more onto 24 CDs. I told him that while it was natural to be interested in sex, that was way too much. He promised to get rid of it. I think he'll probably keep some, but I have to trust him on something.
I am emotionally exhausted. I feel like I've been through a blender. I don't think he's going through a phase, or it's one I don't recognize. But how the hell did it get to this point and I not notice?? Am I that terrible a father?

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2 Responses Aug 1, 2008

I think you need to stop taking his words at face value, at least at this point in time. He's going to make promises he can't keep because he wants to get you off his back and get back to business with his **** addiction. He has a secret stash of ****? Who's to say he doesn't have more? Is it of other boys or men? If it's boys, while he is a boy, if the police find it in YOUR home, you could get arrested for child ***********.<br />
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From what you described, it sounds like your son has quite an addiction and it's probably all he can think about! Think back to when you were 12 and discovering all that yourself.<br />
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If your son was a crack addict, would you expect him to willingly give you ALL of his crack and drugs? He couldn't because it's an addiction. He needs that fix. I suggest you talk to your pediatrician and get a recommendation of a therapist who can help you and him with his sex addiction, because it's a problem that is going to grow and not go away.<br />
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The last thing you want is for one of his online "friends " to visit your home or to find him dead.<br />
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Just a thought, my prayers are with you for helping him move from the darkness of addiction to healing.

ummmmm I would be very concerned with the people he is talking about sex on line...........he is only 12 and these internet predetors are probably grooming him. I would suggest that you install filter software onto yur computor and check out who he is talking online with.....if he will not cooperate then take his computor off him..alternatly I would be calling the Australia it is a crime to have a cyber sexual relationship with a minor..its as bad as if it were the real thing.....