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Dieing Inside

I try really hard to push the thoughts out of my mind but it just doesn't work sometimes. I know it's silly to be so protective over things that don't matter. So what if he has friends that are girls. That shouldn't matter. I guess it's the things he says that make me so uncomfortable. He doesn't have enough time to ask how his son is but he has plenty of time to comment on one of his stupid friend's pictures of her in a bra. That just makes no sense to me. How does that seem alright? Is there maybe just something I'm missing? What about the other girl, the one that said "I don't care about your wife, your my soldier" - what about her? What am I suppose to say to that?
I can't even think straight anymore. I just cry on the inside to hide it so no one knows how much this is all killing me. I feel like bleeding again just to know I'm not dreaming, but I don't need to pick that bad habit back up. So I sit on the computer, just to have something to stare at. Something to distract me from the fact that he just doesn't care. Have I thought about leaving? Of course I have. I just don't even know where I would start or where I would go. I feel like my lungs are going to burst as I try to hold back my screams. What am I suppose to do? What am I suppose to think?
ImEndangeredGimmeYourCola ImEndangeredGimmeYourCola 22-25, F 2 Responses Apr 20, 2011

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I see im quite late, havent been active since my first post and I hope your situation is better<br />
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If not basy is right, when im mad or upset if im alone I just scream, or in the car, it helps so much, seriously take a drive and just scream and screw anyone that looks at you funny, or if youre ever home alone.. It sucks how he treats you guys can be real douchebags. Also about the bleeding, im guessing youve cut in the past, all I can say is dont, I recently almost lost my cousin to that, its not worth it.. Believe me<br />
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Im probably not much help seeing as its almost 3 am and I cant sleep but my offer is still up you can always come to me and vent and let it out if you need to

YOu just try to scream,do not hold thoughts in yours mind,say them loudly when you are alone.<br />
I am not kidding, i am so serious,<br />
Try loudly put things thoughts out, in words, you shall feel better.<br />
its only way to take out yours poison,<br />
Try it today .<br />
When you are angry take out yours load of mind loudly when alone, imagine that person is out there upfront of you who cause you pain.