Masking Everything

i've been pretending i'm okay for a long time now. i have have been useing so many masks over the years that they are getting blured and cracked. I'm trying to be strong - i should be strong, i am the protector and the one to lean on but i just can't seem to do it as well any more. One of my friends has noticed the cracks and she seens determined to wriggle her way in, how can i keep showing them that i'm fine if she seems to be determined to drive a wedge between my masks?
Corlath Corlath
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 17, 2010

Forgat, i've fotten. Unfortunatly right now i'm not completely sure of who i am because i mask different things for different poeople and along the way i've lost pieces and it all got tangled up together so i'm a bit worried as to what she and myself will find. I also worry that if i let her i wont be able to pull the mask back up if i need it.<br />
I am trying to though, in my head and most of my heart i know i can trust her it's just there is that small pert of me who is convinced she will completly reject me or tell everyone the things i tell her ect. irational i know but still very real fears to me...

I do the same thing, sometimes I do it so much I forget who I really am. I understand that feeling, years of walls and masks and you find someone that is getting to you.... it's a scary feeling and unfortunately I have not found the answer to that myself. As the oldest child and the only member of the family to go beyond high school it can definitely get to you knowing that you have people that look up to you as if you're some super being. I know it's MUCH easier said than done but let her in if she seems to find an interest in the real you, it's the only way you'll know for sure who your friends are. Hope this helps!