Ita An Act The Way You Really Look On The Outside Compare To On The Inside

Its all an act how can someone pull all of this off its hard and I don't know if I can really do it anymore I don't pretend that I am someone else I am the person that i us to be but the more depressed version of who I was compare to back them in elementry and the beggening og middle school around my sixth grade year and th first part of my seventh grade year I was happy and I never had to put on an act and pretend that I was happy and ok like I do know let me tel this is the hardest thing that I have to do.

 People look at me and they give nicknames like miss smiles but only if they ever knew what I am really like then maybe that will be different and the funny thing is that was my name al the elementry and half of middle school and even my teachers would call me that it was fun I can't walk around letting people know how depressed and everything its hard on me to let people see me this way and sometimes I even feel like thiis is what I have to do honestly is it true is that what I have to do I have act like I AM HAPPY ALL THE TIME OR IS IT OK TO SHOW THAT i AM A LITTLE HURT i MEAN I mean I get hurt because my parents sit back and talk down on me when thety think I can't hear them when I am sitting there and listening to the whole thing is this the person that I have to be.

Don't let it get you down you don't always have to pretend that you are happy it is ok to be upset people get depressed people get suicidal people may need more help then others with there depression and no matter what don't listen to anyone if you know that its not true then don't let it hurt you cuz in the end they win thats what they want but they have been doing to this to me tis my whole life ever since I was younger is that why it affects me more then it should I mean I walk around and half the time people don't even think anything is wrong I have gotton better at doing that after all Ii have been doing this ever since I was 13 maybe 14 but half of my life revolves around that time period because I never really was a kid I always hung out with adults and I was sexual assulted around that time period too so thats why I feel like I never had a child hood I don't remeber anything past that time so can that be. honestly I hate feeling like this so does it have to be o constant and all the time I thought I was getting better I was actually getting worse everything is just falling appart on me and I know how mostly everyone feels cuz I have been through alot since I was 13 so ya

Why me? Why does this keep happening to me i AM NO STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE THIS?  
Tinker100 Tinker100
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 26, 2010

Be careful, pretending everything is ok when it's not is the way to madness. and remember, everything is temporary. life will always rise and fall.

I keep asking myself the same thing. I read "The Secret" and I am trying to think more positive thoughts. It might help you to read it. You can check it out at the library.