Smile For The Camera

Pretending. I'm good at it. theres been so many times that i felt like i just couldnt keep it together. Having to do my daily routine: being a single parent, goint to work, etc. i put on a smile. Its my 1st defense against the overwhelming emotions that im feeling most of the time. i dont want anyone to know that im not ok. especially my kids. I dont want to scare or upset them. I dont cry in front of them. So I always put on the biggest smile. especially at work. That is when I'm feeling the most vulnerable and emotional. and I hate it cause i can feel the tears welling up in my eyes, my heart feels like its goint to burst. But all i can do is take a couple of deep breaths and Smile... 

jshirlnita jshirlnita
46-50, F
2 Responses Aug 6, 2010

Ive always struggled with asking anyone for help. I feel like im showing my weakness. I know I shouldnt think that way because everyone can need to talk it out sometime. I'll try it. Thanks.

I don't like letting others see me cry. I'm always in a good mood and smiling to everyone. Tho if you look closely into my eyes sometimes the smile doesn't reach them. Alot of people are like this and I have been finding out you shouldn't hide it all the time. Find one person or something to talk to about it. She them how you really feel and over all you will feel better.