Fighting To Live

everyone thinks im ok. my family my friends , my coworkers. im sick of living my life the way i do. i feel like im a waste of space on this planet, worthless. i am 21 still living at home with my parents. my closet friend i have at the moment is my mother because my life was uprooted a few years back to move across the country. other times though i hate her, because she is an alcoholic. i am also in school. my dream used to be becoming an elementary teacher, now im not so sure. i have never been smart in school. in fact i bearly made it through highschool. now my gpa is so low i got a letter saying i am not able to re attend next semester unless i appeal my gpa score in front of the bored. what am i supposed to say to them? im sorry that im stupid? along with that letter i also recived on saying i am on probation for my VA school benifits that help me pay for school. unless i pull my gpa up at the end of next semester ill will not recive that. so if i dont receive that ill will have to pay out of pocket. that means working more and less time for studing. even more stress. i am so sad all the time i never want to do anything. alls i want to do is sleep. i even sometimes wish i was not living.but i feel so much guilt leaving my family like that, that i cannot. i also feel it is my resopsibility to take care of my mother. i feel if i would move back home where im from in order to be happy, she might do something stupid, or she would be sad ( for she is suffering from major depression), i would feel so much guilt leaving her. know matter what i do there is no way for me to be happy. i hate the way i look, and feel. im worthless with nothing to live for. i feel like i have to fight every single second of the day to get through. and im scared to get help
lyn24 lyn24
18-21, F
May 19, 2012