I Like to Keep Things Pretty...

It gets a little messy if I decide to say "I'm not okay, what do you think? I'm so ******* fed up with everything. I don't want to go home today. I feel invisible, but I didn't want to burst your bubble today, b/c you're so happy today." Can you imagine the awkward moments, the false sentiments?

My friends are great for having fun and a hug, but they're a little light hearted and a bit *hug* and "Awww, it'll be okay sweetie, don't worry. They're very mean, it's not your fault." I don't feel that I could actually "discuss" my feelings with them. For goodness sakes, they don't know much about my family and my crazy-moody-mum. Even my closest friend doesn't know half the story. I could never tell them, even though I'm tempted on the days when I walk through the school doors and feel like I'm about to collapse. "Stress, it's the stress of schoolwork, I'll be fine once it's over." *waves them away*

How much can I even say I know about my friends? What if they're pretending too?

BowsAndBones BowsAndBones
18-21, F
8 Responses Aug 5, 2007

I know what you mean by feeling like you can't tell your friends what's really going on and get a sincere reaction. My so call friends could tell me anything and I'd honestly try to help them let it be me though that needs the consoling it's not happening. My boyfriend has become my best friend I can tell him anything and he will honestly and sincerely try to help me but if it's him that's getting on my nerves I have nobody to talk to so I find myself crying and dealing with it on my own. in a sense though I believe it makes me a stronger person. Not to mention that this site alone has really helped thats what we're all here for anyway right, to share our stories and receive help as well as give it. I hope you find someone you can really talk to that will be more helpful then the friends you have now til then stay strong and keep your head up.

ha, that's hardly an essay! maybe a short answer question...hrm...don't worry, I love hearing from you any time! I'm glad you found the right ppl. =>

as far as family is concerned its nothing but crazy...but your friends...i have to say that i never used to feel like i could tell my friends anything that i really felt because of a fear of bringing them down or becasue they would only pretend to care and secretly think i was just being a silly little girl but then it got to the point where everything built up and i laid in my room for hours ona night just weeping .. it was then that i realised i had to change my friends..find someone else to talk to who cared or just break down infront of them and let them see the real me.<br />
I used a combo of all these 3 and now i have some old friends and new fiends that truly care about me and are there for me to talk to anytime and they will not judge me....i guess im just lucky that i found these wonderful people...anyway.. i hope i was of some help...hang in there girl..<br />
p.s sorry about the essay lol

do what ya gotta do... just get through it and move on....

thanks. *smiles* my mum says the same thing - i usually tell her i'd hire another old maid. another fave response is that i'd be happier. =>

Families can suck... no matter what your age... crazy is crazy. My mother would get mad and her fav saying was "I'm just going to kill myself... then what would you do"... after a while the crazy becomes normal and my reply became "hold on, do you want me to get you a gun or pills..." I'd love to tell you it gets better but I can't. Just be you and make the world yours. Don't let ANYONE get you down...

oh believe me, i've tried - a couple of times back i said "hell, home is hell. i can't get my family to understand". well, they did the whole "it'll get better when you're older" thing. plus, a few paid out my family in a not helpful way - not mean, just not helpful. and it's a little hard to say "my family sucks a little more than you know". =>

If I asked you how are you feelimg and you told me you were fine, then why would I think any different, if you are feeling crap and you are saying you are fine, then you will get a false reaction from people because you wasnt being honest, next time someone ask you about how you are, tell them the truth,you maybe surprised how many people are willing to stop and hear about your pain. give real answers and you get real things back, give false answers will make you feel like ****, but thats down to you for telling people you are fine when your not. xx