I Need a New Life!

I have a business I bought 2 years ago and pretty much trashed it. I can not save it or change it and I have employees counting on me and a huge family. I work outside the home and do not even get a pay check. I'm not sure how to fix my life. I am thousands of dollars in debt and my children will never get anything but bills from me. Everyone offers you help but no one really helps they just look at youre situation and say ya you need to fix that. FUNNY HOW? I would love to meet someone who would actaully help you save your business. I went through the bank to redo the loan but they backed out on me at the last minute, when they figuresd out we weren't making enough money. I feel useless and washed up at 41. Yet I'm in college finishing an online degree and trying to pull it together for my children. My husband is..........................well ya. I should of left years ago but could never bring myself to be mean. Now I regret it and I'm old. Where do I go from here and how do I get there?

elastagirl elastagirl
41-45, F
6 Responses Feb 22, 2009

Elastagirl - I am 43 - feeling some of your same feelings - and I was feeling this sense of urgency due to my "old" age. One day I saw this group on here called the Death Clock - look it up sometime - I went and did it (you would think it would be depressing) - well, it tells you approximately your date for death (and as Christians we know this is not a true possibility) but it was a good exercise for me - and probably would be for you too. I too feel young and look young (not 28 but maybe mid-30's) - I did the Death Clock estimation 4 times - every time it put me in my low-to-mid 90's - well, that means that I have more than 1/2 of my life left!! That really cheered me up! The death clock cheered me - it makes me laugh to think that!!<br />
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I, too, am not in a happy marriage, yet I am a Christian, so I struggle with the right thing to do constantly. I had about come to the decision to leave after 15 years of feeling beat down, depressed and frustrated beyond reason when my husband, just last Friday, came to me with a huge request for a last chance. He has been reading a book/series called "The Man of Her Dreams - The Woman of His!" for about 2 years now. The premise behind the book (which is based on scripture and my husband has put a lot of time into making sure that the authors use the scripture as intended and meant) is that is the husband treats the wife like a queen, she is already genetically made to want to foster and nurture relationships, therefore she will automatically react positively when treated well - like she deserves to be treated per God's instruction (love her as Christ loved the Church). They have a different take on the submission thing too. They have a website - I haven't found it too easy to get much from without a lot of investigation but it is full of positive testimonials -http://joelandkathy.com/ - God save my marriage.<br />
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I am telling you that this is THE answer - I am struggling with this change in direction that my husband has requested of me. I had already decided to move on - now I am having to reevaluate this decision - and it has been rough emotionally this last week!!<br />
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My heart aches for you - I feel like at our age that life's moments become more and more precious, so I hate to see us waste it one more moment than we have to with unhappiness and unfulfilment. I hate to admit it, but I have been angry with God - I still cling to my faith but I have been frustrated and sad and at a loss as to the right thing to do. I had a wonderful friend tell me that God doesn't necessarily, he believes, want us to stay in an unhappy marriage if it is rendering us ineffective for furthering His kingdom - and I find that to be in line with what I have learned in the past about our purpose in life. I don't have the answers - I hope I am looking to the right places for them. I have had to seek counseling to help me with my self-image because I am so beaten down - guess who the main culprit in that is? ME!! I am willing to give everyone a break, including a husband that has fought me at every turn for so long and is now saying you were right all the time, BUT MYSELF! <br />
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I just wanted to share where I am with my issues that feel so similar to yours. I feel like as a believer I need to reach out to other believers when I can and let them know that I am praying for them - that they aren't alone.<br />
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I am doing that for you - praying for you - and letting you know I am open to listening and talking and whatever with you - for you - whatever you need!! Us oldies need to stick together - btw - I've decided I am young and that 43 ain't nothing!! Take care and God bless you - please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you need help or whatever!

Hello elastgirl,let me know how you're doing now. I have been in a very simalar situation. I got the same glib comments that you have. I would like to know more.

I have made a mess of my life since last november when I turned 18. <br />
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I wish I could turn back time but that would be pointless as I would be still with the same adoptive family and in the same situation.

Thanks! I'm going to be 42 in a few and I still feel 19. Wish I looked 19! Although my kids tell me I look 28. I love life I just made a huge mess of it and I don't have time for that. I put the place up for sale but we live in a small town. So everyone nows everyone! When you fail everyone knows, we call it high schoolville. Its quite interesting and stressful. Wish I could get my husband to move. Of course moving without him is an option to.........LOL.

I'm 41! And I refuse to feel old. I'm sorry for all your troubles. I wish I could offer some sound advice, but not sure I have any. What if you sell? Do something that makes more sense for you and your family. Or maybe you need a business partner who can help you turn things around. Not sure where to find one of those, tho. The best advice I have to give is this: Think Positive. There's a world of things that can happen when you do just this. I wish you much luck and all the best. :)

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