I'm Ok....life Isn't Though

My heart feels so sad right now.

I know that my dad hates me. He always seems to wish that I weren’t around; that I didn’t exist.

It’s hard to understand the hatred that he has.

I’m not perfect, but I don’t think I deserve to be hated this badly either.

He gets so mad sometimes he breaks things, and sabotages people. I hate how sadistic he is sometimes.

As a girl I was so afraid of rats. He knew that I was. So one time he threw a dead rat at me, and laughed about it.

It’s hard to live with the knowledge that someone who should love you, actually hates you. I try to keep the pain inside, and not show how I feel…but I cry when I’m alone at night.

For awhile, I felt so bad that I quit eating. I only ate tiny bit of dinner each day. If I had fruit, I felt like it was too much.

One time someone was talking with my dad about me. They were telling him how lucky he was to have me help him with the business. He said “Yeah well, the good thing is at least she doesn’t eat anything.”

 

 

There is a reason for everything, I know.

I wish that sometimes though, you didn’t have to go through everything to get a reason.

 

Life an be so sad sometimes, but I do try to turn the bad into good. Whenever I see someone sad, I try to help them. Whenever I’m around children, I like to be nice and let them know their value. I don’t want to see anyone else grow up felling as if they didn’t matter. I try to show everyone that they are can count for something. Even when my heart is sad, I still smile at others. Everyone has struggles, and other people are going through worse things then I am.

 

I feel like I shouldn’t be here though.

I wonder if I’ll ever find love.

stormynightsky stormynightsky
22-25, F
2 Responses Feb 24, 2009

Honestly I am young to talk but the truth is I know much about pain now as I have so much of it and that says alot as I am only 18!! <br />
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I feel pain for what happened to my sisters. I feel pain for knowing that it could have been me and wishing it was or even wishing I was there to help them through it. <br />
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I wasn't though. <br />
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I feel more pain knowing who it was that did it to them and that he was my father and that I am like him in looks and temper. <br />
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I feel more pain than that but that is enough for now probably.

Thank you guys for your comments....it makes me feel a little bit less alone. :)<br />
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I hate to hear that other people have gone though the same things I have. <br />
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There is a reason for everything though.