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Hi, How Are You? Fine Thanks, and You?

Isn't it funny how a person can have so many acquaintances and be surrounded by people but still experience such profound disconnection? We pass each other on the street and say a quick reflexive Hi How are you? Fine, thanks, and you? I'm fine. See you later. It kinda saps the meaning out of relationships and also life. But isn't human connection what we all want? Then why do we still find ourselves lacking friends who we can be totally honest and vulnerable with?

CharlieAfrica CharlieAfrica 22-25, F 20 Responses Jun 13, 2009

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Well I don't know anyone who says they're not fine everyone just says it

What you said makes so much sense
You have alot of perspective

You know what? that is soo true, if i saw someone in the street i knew, but didn't know that well, then i would always say i was fine even if i wasn't cos i would not want to let them know! i only ever tell my true friends how i am really feeling and i often say that if they were a good friend then they should be able to sense something was wrong!!<br />
<br />
I really enjoyed reading your piece of writing.

I'd love to connect more with people, but my partner is so hyper-jealous that she would think something was up, so I'm stuck in an island with no one but her and her emotional issues. I think that people are more insecure in their relationships, and that leads to the other half being incapable of connecting more (that is, when you see that person that doesn't seem to want to connect, just be aware- it may not be their choice).

Instead of people actually meaning this phrase, it's become a 'polite thing to do.' We know that people don't really want to know how we are; just like when we ask that very question we don't want to know either.

u r right..n there r so many reasons ppl choose to pretend that they r ok,just smile but i wish nobody had to pretend to b ok...n everythin b ok..

ur right people should have friends they can be honest with not just say im fine or im ok even if their not, every1 should just say wot they want to dont be scared to say it.

Soooo True....I've tired and failed to really connect with people in all types of settings and I've just come to realize that since I'm not playing the game no one really cares to stick around, I'm too honest for most to handle and I really care too dam much and end up really hurt so in the end I really don't feel like trying anymore.

ya it seems so much simpiler while your younger i suppose though... because it appears as you grow older and mature your priorities shift around... you change from faily being so important. to friends. to school. to work. then your alone but appear happy simply from short conversations and high life style...<br />
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life gets too predictable....

It's easier to pretend you're okay because if someone asks and you tell them you're not it makes things complicated. Especially when it comes to work. The people you work with aren't you're friends. It's a weird relationship. It's civil, but does anyone really care.

I think it's b/c some of us are afraid of letting people in, and things have changed so much over time, that people just aren't even sure how to properly communicate anymore. I've friends who come to me to to talk to, and people I hardly know b/c their other "friends" don't care. Well I'd rather have no friends or a very minimal amount than for people not to care. I don't get it either, really honestly. I've friends who say they miss me, but then they never want to do anything. Those people aggravate me.

That's quite true, what you say about solitude Meollyo.<br />
And i relate to your dislike of polite indifference or superficial bonding. It seems i've come to accept people's slight cowardice.<br />
I'm not sure whether people are less caring than before, though. What may have changed is the perception of time, everything should go fast, even relationships should click into place or fall apart. <br />
But life is not a yes-no question, we need time to apprehend others and ourselves.

One of the people I know had told me that I was the "least emo" person she knows.<br />
And she knows quite a number of people. <br />
And she doesn't know I'm contemplating suicide. <br />
Sometimes that "I'm fine/alright. You?" comes out of our mouths without us even having to think about it, because we're just so used to lying about ourselves. I personally don't want fake pity from people in my work environment. I don't want any snide comments on my back. <br />
I may seem crude, but its really hard to find people to connect with these days. Even more harder to maintain it. <br />
Whenever there are people who surround me in my work environment, and they call me a "friend", I just can't feel like I actually belong. <br />
It may not seem fair, but I can't help but just feel alone and unwanted. Their actions speak louder than words.<br />
Accepting the fact that you're alone, and might be alone for a while, is really hard to swallow - let alone digest. But I think that it would get easier. <br />
With solitude comes perspective.

I tend to run across two main types of people. #1 I meet a lot of people that are interested in putting on a show so that everyone likes them. .Acting like kids even though they are adults with their own kids. #2. People that won't take time for themselves. I know so many people that are too busy taking care of their kids, spouses, etc. that they don't take any time for themselves. While they may be good people, it's hard for me to form a connection with someone that doesn't have any time to spare. <br />
<br />
For the longest time, I didn't refer to people as "friends" unless I truly had a close friendship with them. But...I've learned over the years that it is very hard to find people that meet my expectations.

We all live in a rich society where everybody is to busy to take the time to listen or care . Were all young go getter trying to find success . Success is easy to find here so everybody feel the need to be there .<br />
That is why young people need to travel to see other cultures and the pace that other countries have . Many counties in this world have different social norms that favor social skill to financial prowess .

Thanks for sharing this story. It's very good. In the past 5 days, I've been the most honest about how I'm feeling with my family, but I've been lying to everyone else. <br />
"I'm fine, How are you?" It comes out of my mouth without even thinking.

i know exactly how you feel. its like an automatic reaction to not start a meaningful conversation. even with my girlfriend it seems.

The street might not be the best place to indulge in meaningful conversations.<br />
People will open up in a more relaxed atmosphere. <br />
Also we need some observation time before revealing ourselves, because telling everything about you to someone that might not have the best intentions is a social hazard.

We r so disconet, because we just lie and lie, when somebody say hi how r u, we smile and say fine, even we fell like die but if we say in bad and want 2 die, we r scare that then ask why we said that, or maybe they tell dont say that life is good and god love u, even they feel like sh@t 2, but they keep smiling with that fake smile and pity. But we learn that from ours dearest parent, like when they were fighting and somebody ask how r then u both look great, the kid say they were fight last nite, they take the child and say dont say our business 2 others, or maybe u say a bad word and dad told u dont say that is wrong and u say but u say it, then he told no dont be liar i dont said that, yeap right parents teach u how 2 be fake and lie, then what about couple how many time u want 2 tell 2 many things and just keep saying ok honey! Yeap that why maybe our life its empty but full of lies.

I know that feeling so well. Relationships haven't gone well with me. Either I ruin them somehow or they ruin them. <br />
I don't know why it is I can only find friends online anymore.