Why Can't I Just Be Happy?

 I'm tired of trying to hide it, I'm tired of trying to find peace in my heart when there's no sign of it coming and I'm tired of not being able to talk to anyone about it out of fear of sounding dumb. But I can't fight it, it hurts too much. Why can't I just be happy with what I have like everyone else seems to be. Why can't I wear my real face instead of this mask. Now don't get me wrong I have truely happy days but when that changes it changes dramatically. I can't take this emptiness anymore. I hate being alone, I hate being the odd man out, the fifth wheel, alone. I hate feeling so ******* under appreciated no matter what I do, no matter how much I help. I hate the feeling of being taken advantage of. I just realy wish someone out there was thankful for what i've done for them. I wish my bosses would appreciate all the hard work I do I wish some girl out there would see what I have to offer and take me up on it. I just want to hear "Thank you" or "I love you" or "I'm proud of you." Sure my motivation for helping people isn't to be rewarded but absolutely nothing!? After everything I did and put up with my ex, treating her far better then she deserved I get left with nothing. After bailing out a friend and about 500 dollars later not even a single ****** thank you, I haven't even heard from that person in about 2 weeks now. Everything I've done for my roommate, all the times he came home to an clean apartment, nothing. After busting my *** off at work, putting up with 2 years of bullshit with my team we don't get a single ounce of respect or praise. Hell we haven't even been able to participate in any of our departments celebrations cuz we don't count as a team. 


And then on top of that I have to pretend to be ok, I can't act out or people will just shrug me off and ignore me like i'm some stupid kid. I can't appear weak because my family thinks so highly of me, even if I wanted to break down and talk to someone I know about all this I can't because while I am here for everyone I know there is no one there for me. I can't turn to God because who knows when she is going to get around to helping me out.  I can rant on here because no one knows who I am, no one will ever know and that gives me comfort. I love EP for that, for the fact that I have no reason to keep things to myself because even if I appear weak on this site it doesn't matter, no way real way to trace it back to me personally cuz again, no one knows me and  no one will. No one here will actually take the time to get to know me, I'm just another whiney ***** on EP looking for a small glimmer of compassion which is ok cuz the comfort and peace of mind comes from angrily typing all this out. 

IWishIUnderstood IWishIUnderstood
22-25, M
12 Responses Sep 16, 2009

Thank-you for writing this I know how you feel and now I don't feel so silly.

hit it right on the head.

I stumbled upon this when looking for solutions to the same feeling. The truth is, there none. I've learned to try, try, to surround myself with people that love me. Fact is, thats not many. For those who don't, well, who cares about them anyways. I too can't turn to religion because I feel it never did me any good anyways. Religion is just not my thing. No I'm not athiest, in fact I work at a church part-time. I just prefer a "realistic" approach. Not to say God isn't real. Just to me their are a lot of more real things out there. Things I can see, touch, talk to, and hopefully they care enough to do the same back. We just need a hobby, or person who makes us happy. Who/what makes our life worth living and makes you smile when you wake up in the morning. I havn't quite found that yet, but reading things like this and seeing all the supportive people out there that do not even know us really makes me feel funny, in a good way. There really are some good people out there and i like to consider myself one of them. Life is about experiences. Noone is truly happy all of the time. It's just not possible. I used to cover my depression up with drugs. That really isn't the answer. You just got to learn to be OK with yourself and who you are. I have had a lot of drama and death in my life and that is hard to deal with. But I just realize i have to take it one day at a time, and eventually I'll make it past these feelings. Sure it takes time, but we'll get it. :):):):):):):):) <br />
- a guy who truly gives a ****

Why can't I be happy 2 (sadface

I really hope that that is the truth. You said that you pretend to be ok, and when people tell you that they will help you, you go on again about how you are fine and better. I found this sight by typing in "Why cant I just be happy" on google, and this is the first search that came up. I truly hope everything is better. My dad has issues with being accepted at work, too, and my mom is thinking about moving out and threatening to kill herself. My grades are in the 90s and I'm in all the extended/'honors classes, I'm even planning to take a college course in AP world next year in 10th grade. My parents still aren't proud of me, or at least they don't show it. I'm in a relationship that keeps falling apart because of how I act. I can't stop worrying about being hurt by an end to that on top of everything else, so I only push that guy away, even though he helps me the most. We're not being stupid, we just talk and now I feel like I can't tell him everything about me. My best friend is selfish and doesn't care about my problems, always asking me to help her with her perfect life just because she can't get a guy that has already turned her down. I feel terrible, and I stay up very late trying to help, but she doesn't give me time to organize my own life and fix that first. My boyfriend's parents are so kind and nice, and they always tell me how beautiful I am, which makes me happy. I don't always agree, but i guess I don't look terrible. I've been hurt by my father before when he thinks I should deserve punishment. It's nothing too bad, but it still hurts and really scares me. My friends are all gone for the summer and my 'friend' is leaving for a month. Another guy keeps trying to text me and asking me out, but I don't like him. Actually, several guys, but I don't want any of them. I don't know what to do except go through the next three years and then go to a college far away, preferably on another continent. I can speak german, so maybe I'll go to Germany :). If you are ever sad and lonely, but you have a good job and a nice place to stay, read this and I hope it makes you grateful for what you have. You can always try to get a girl to help you, just make sure that you don't hurt them if they are in a condition like me, or if you are in the same condition as me, try your best to let them in so that they will help you and allow you to get your life back together.

:) good stuff

oh yeah, definitely. That was so long ago...

aw that's sad, I wonder if thing s have picked up now...?

yeah... not anymore :)

You got me.. I'm here I talk to you you don't have to feel any other that :)

Its not that I don't want people to get to know me, its that no one wants to. I feel like I'm all alone with my problems and have felt that way for a long time. But whatever, it weighs me down a lot but it doesn't stop me from moving.

Thank you for posting it. I do recognize things in what you're telling. Great for 'tossing' it out of your system.<br />
Maybe now you feel like not wanting someone to know you a little better, it might change. <br />
<br />
Right now you even put yourself further down by claiming you're a whiney *****. Perhaps to some people you are, I don't see it that way. You did good things and weren't appreciated. Sadly society is heading more and more that way, I have the impression. (Darn I *sound* old). If we keep on trying to change it with helping and doing good, maybe we can make the world a better place.<br />
<br />
The least you can do, is reward yourself for all the things you've done for others. Treat yourself for a change.<br />
<br />
Love & Peace