I pretend I'm ok by wearing 'my mask'. People around me have no idea how badly I am hurting inside, how broken my heart is and how much I wish I was dead. Sometimes little things set off great emotions in me, and I have to try my best to hold back the tears. I need time alone sometimes to just cry and si from the pain. Some people sort of know of the pain I experience but they so not understand, or they think it's silly or for a silly reason. They are ignorant and stupid. I hate having to always be happy and smiley, it gets old, boring and very difficult at times. Sometimes I just want to remove my mask publically and let all my feelings out. I don't talk to anyone about my true feelings, oh how badly I wish I could. I have break down late at night, when no one is around to see or hear me, it's such a lonely and dark place to be. The sad thing is I don't think ANYONE will EVER see the REAL me. It's been so long, that I'll probably never be able to remove this mask.