My Mask

I pretend I'm ok by wearing 'my mask'. People around me have no idea how badly I am hurting inside, how broken my heart is and how much I wish I was dead. Sometimes little things set off great emotions in me, and I have to try my best to hold back the tears. I need time alone sometimes to just cry and si from the pain. Some people sort of know of the pain I experience but they so not understand, or they think it's silly or for a silly reason. They are ignorant and stupid.  I hate having to always be happy and smiley, it gets old, boring and very difficult at times. Sometimes I just want to remove my mask publically and let all my feelings out. I don't talk to anyone about my true feelings, oh how badly I wish I could. I have break down late at night, when no one is around to see or hear me, it's such a lonely and dark place to be. The sad thing is I don't think ANYONE will EVER see the REAL me. It's been so long, that I'll probably never be able to remove this mask.

Mediocre Mediocre
22-25, F
10 Responses Oct 24, 2009

I understand, I tried removing the mask and it just made things worse.... Never again

I see where you are coming from. i feel much the same as you. I prayed to God and found walking as a great release. I started telling my friends and family how i feel everyday. Until they finally got it and started to look up my depression. I hope you will find peace one day and learn to love ur self. Learning to love ur self is so important when you are in emotional pain. It will give u a reason to carry on and help u to understand how loved and special u r, Best of Luck Sweet Heart.

I keep my mask on around family.I try to talk with my siser-law.She only tell me i need to get over it.So i don't talk to her about my hurt.I lost my husband in Dec-11,Just don't need to have someone to tell me to get over it.We did not have any kids.When i was little my mom told me get over it know one wants to see or hear your pain.Know one don't care about you.MY david care about my hurt and now he is gone and i have no one.

This is something everyone does. Some people's mask cover their entire face, others only cover a little bit. The point is to fight to become a better you. Soon you can tear off what's left of that mask.

Im the same way kinda wear a mask but in a good way.. I dont usually bring my emotions to work ,cuz i hate crying in front of people at work.. plus its personal.. <br />
But i will talk to people that I trust ,friends online and my best friends..<br />
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Or if i need to I will cry alone at nite before I go to bed.. just to let it out..<br />
I had a lot of breakdown moments recently . Becuz of liking a guy who seems to have hard time commiting.. and my dad who is sick and far away from me.. <br />
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So . in my heart im not really fine but my brain tells me to.. suck it up.. U need to move on and be optimistic.. life is too short!!

Its only when we as individuals can begin to see the realities of this world of man full of deaths each moment. As you read these words there is a woman somewhere being violently raped and beaten. There are people dying of malnutrition, diseases, murder, war, torture and child abuse. When one begins to really look close towards the sadness of billions of others; what self has will not seem quite as bad. The only way to get around anything negative is by going directly to God with the elimination of man and all of his money sucking belly feeding lies as God describes the blind leading the blind to their own deaths. You say no one wants to hear you; but God does if you only speak to Him with your heart and not words as most religious people do. Matthew 15:8-9<br />
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We all need lifts in our hearts, minds and bodies, but head shirinks only collect money for nothing just like preachers. The government lies and the media is but controlled lies. So in truth no one else really does care other than the few who live for God and not for themselves. So I care about you, because if I did not, why would I be taking the time to write these words? <br />
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It's now up to you as all that I do is plant seeds of truth, and if your hearts accepts, God will water the seed so you can begain to grow some genuine roots to hold you in the coming storm.

I feel the same way. Pretending for the sake of others, trying not to make them unhappy, but dying inside. I have told some people about my feelings, about the hurt and melancholy, but I don't think they ever fully understand me, however hard they try (some of them).<br />
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Time alone to cry is good, I think. I sometimes (nowadays more often than not) need that too. The only sad thing is, when you're living with other people and you want some alone-time, you always have to explain yourself and reassure them that it has nothing to do with them. And I'm getting pretty tired of doing that. As I'm getting pretty tired of many other things as well...<br />
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There are people who understand you. I'm one of them.

I caught my husband of 19 years having a internet affair. He says he does not regret it and would still be there if he had not been caught. He broke my hear and has not once said he was sorry. I have never cheated on him. I found out by digging around in our home pc. I said i was sorry for invading his privacy. He still has not told me he is sorry for all the I love you's and sexual language he used with her. My heart is broken. Please give me some advice.

I feel the same way, I live in a village where I am not from. I always have to be friendly and happy no matter what I am truely feeling. I am bored, listening to everyone complaining who has help and I don't have anyone expect for me. I provide for everyone and always need to look happy, no one actually knows how I feel<br />

There are many of us here who share the same feelings as you do. This is the place to let them out. Feel free to write what you feel, it will make you feel better. We're all here to help each other!