Going Crazy On The Inside...

I try to stay calm and not say anything when jerks are just being jerks or when silly (silly as in ignorant) people I have to see everyday are being ignorant and I just roll my eyes, and yes it is starting to turn me into a jerk because I'm tired of it. I'm tired of going to school and being invisible and picked on and I'm very shy so I never talk and so my anger is bottling up inside me and I can't go home and get mad or my parents will give me some ****** thing to say to me like, "*sigh* What happened this time." and you know what that means, "What sad story do you got for me today because I'm tired of listening." Oh! and I have O.C.D. and my dad is an *** so he will be a jerk and touch things I tell him NOT to touch and I just flip because I know he does it on purpose to bug me and hurt me. I cry I got nuts!  

Theno1 Theno1
18-21
6 Responses Feb 17, 2010

Yes I know what you mean.

Yeah, I wish I knew more about things. It all just makes me feel extremely confused when it happens. I'd like to fix it for good, but it's sometimes hard to see any solution

THAT'S HOW IT IS FOR ME! I'm trying to find a answer for my sadness (or was) but I gave up. I just let my life go by and somehow I get threw. I'm not as bad as I was when my depression first started but I can still feel my sadness and sometimes it comes out but not as much as it used to.

I know exactly how it is. And when it's built up so much inside that you feel it could explode out your ears and eyes, but you just have to hold it in like a violent sneeze you cant release. Things got a little better for me, but I can't really remember or understand exactly why. Maybe I just got used to it, or something changed that helped but I just don't know specifically which change it was that worked. I kept thinking to myself "it just takes time, I just have to wait," and somehow you do survive it even if it seems like you'll have to wait forever for a chance to release it. <br />
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Sometimes it's still a bit like that for me, but not nearly as often or as bad. Maybe it's the same for everyone. I try to talk to people when that happens, and it helps but then it can make other stresses, like worrying how they perceive me. Talking online seems to help most because there are people like you who are genuinely caring and willing to listen and try to help. For some reason it seems harder to trust people in person in the same way.<br />
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There might be a better way to fix it, though. Better than just waiting. I'm not sure that keeping it in is ever very good for anyone, and I know I suffered because of it. But, when you can't identify any place or way to release it, it's like you don't really have a choice but to hold it in even when you'd rather not. Maybe someone out there knows a trick that we haven't found

Thank you, and I'm glad I have someone that feels the same that I know (well online that is). I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I've been there, and I know the feeling of having all this inner tension and emotion but not having anywhere safe to really let it out. It's terrible, and I'm so sorry you're stuck in a place like that right now.