I Pretend To Be A Guy, one that went really far in fakingHi guys, I'm a 19 year old female who's pretending to be a guy online.
It started out when i was about 13, i was playing this game where you can make your own character and play games and chat with other people. I decided to sign up as a guy just for fun at first..but then everything escalated. People really seemed to like me so I created a fake email adress where i could add people to MSN to chat with. I pretended to be this really cool handsome, almost perfect guy. At this young age all the girls I talked to seem to have a crush on me and i really liked and enjoyed all the attention. I picked one guy whos pictures i was gonna use, but ofcourse i needed more and more and new pictures everytime..then all the sudden all his profiles were set to private. That's when i started hacking them (yes i went really far i couldnt stop) and so i did..i had unlimited access to all his pictures anytime, anywhere so that wasnt a problem anymore.
However after a while i began to notice i was doing nothing else more then thinking about this people and about my character like it was my real life, at that point i knew i was addicted.
I had several online relationships where I also kinda fell in love with the girls i had relationships with, however in Real life im not gay.
They just made me happy and some of them were really amazing. There was this one girl in particular where i have been with for a very long time..she's really beautiful and i was always wondering why such a gorgeous girl would have an online relationship with a guy she has never even seen before for such a long time (almost 4 years), while she could have any guy in real life. She was very dedicate to our relationship but at one point she became suspicious, she wanted to talk to me on the phone. Ofcourse ive never done that before eventhough several girls had already asked me before but i kept making up excuses not to because i didnt wanna get caught..however when she became upset and the relationship was about to end, I called her up lowered my voice and everything was fine again. From then on we had 4 hour phone calls everyday and we even fell asleep together on the phone, we watched movies together over the phone and what not. Then i realized i was addicted as never before and i couldnt stop it anymore..i felt really out of control and it was bothering me like hell. I just wished all of this was real so my online friends could be REALLY part of my life, but the thought of stopping terified me and even if i tried i wouldnt even know how to do it. I tried to stop several times but everytime again i couldnt leave it alone..it was all too tempting.
Ofcourse years have past now and everybody is getting older and less naive. People began to wonder why i never wanted to see them..and got sick of the excuses i made up. Some of them didnt wanna be friends anymore..which made me really sad. Everytime someone i had a relationship or friendship with left i got really upset. Especially when the girl i had the long relationship with dissapeared all the sudden i even became really depressed, because i was so used filling in my life talking to her.
Today, as i'm writing this i'm still doing it..and it drives me crazy and i wanna stop. It stresses me out and i dont know where to turn to because i dont wanna be seen like a freak. I dont get why im doing this, I dont wanna be cocky but i have to tell this because its part of my problem, in real life im a really pretty girl and i always have everybody's attention when im somewhere. I have lots of guys who wanna be with me..lots of ppl who wanna be friends with me. Only i dont show any interest because im so busy being this made up character...so bad i forget all about my real life. The fact that i'm neglecting myself so bad hurts me..i could have a wonderful life. Only i cant stop...i just dont know how.
Sometimes i even wish i was locked up somewhere so i cant get to my computer or phone anymore.
I'm sorry if i didnt write this story properly and changed back an forth from subjects in the wrong order.
I just started writing and didn't really know in which order and how to express what i've been through, so sorry if it was hard to read.
soconfusedandlost 18-21, F 65 Responses 5 Jul 21, 2010