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Pretending To Be A Girl...and Fell In Love. I've Learned My Lesson

First of I'm so glad to have seen this page and knowing that others have gone through what I am going through right now. It gives me some comfort knowing I'm not alone.

So a few years ago I started to pretend to be a girl online. Normally just for fun and just to flirt with some guys. And I stopped for a long time, until a few months ago when i met this incredible guy and we started chatting. We had so much in common that it was really uncanny and we were very alike personality and humour wise. Over the past few weeks we've gotten very close and I truly feel that I'm in love with him. We've even started "dating" and making plans for the future. He's even talked about my online persona to his parents.

But lately as I got to know him better ive slipped into some sort of deep depression. Knowing that I've met this amazing guy who is honest and very genuine...and here I am lying to him and basically just leading him on. The feeling that i can never be truely with him is gutwrenching that i question myself why i ever put myself into this position. That feeling of loving someone and knowing you can never be with them is probably one of the worst feelings an individual can feel. And maybe it is an addiction or a sickness...because what im doing to this man is cruel and just evil.

At first it was just a physical attraction but now it's much more. I've gotten myself emotionally attached to him so much so that he's the only thing I think about during my day. And today I've come to the realization that what I'm doing to him is not fair and can never be justified by my need to feel desired or whatever. And that I have to ween myself of him and not talk to him as much anymore. Because I feel like I'm wasting his time, and robbing him of that opportunity to find that right and real girl for him. Somebody to make him happy.

He makes me feel amazing when we talk and our connection is truely very deep that I think it's love. And I think I love him enough to know that what I'm doing to him is wrong and that I must stop it before we get any deeper. I don't think I can ever tell him the truth, he's been hurt so many times that I can't bear the idea of me hurting him. so I'm just going to come
Up with reasons not to talk to him until he gets over me.

I just feel so horrible that I did this to someone like him. Im fine with the pain that I'm experiencing, I feel like its my punishment and I deserve it. I just wish that he doesn't get hurt...or at least any pain that he goes through will just be my burden and not his.

I've learned my lesson the hard way, and I don't mean to preach but I hope others realize that even though the Internet seems's a real person on that other side. A person with feelings who deserve not to be toyed with and taken advantage of. I hope someday I can muster up the courage to apologize to him. And find out that he's happy, with kids and a family like he's always wanted. I've learned my lesson and I pray to god for the strength to never do it again to another person. I know in my heart that I won't. Feeling good for a few days or weeks is just not worth it for the pain and suffering we inflict on those we deceive, not only to them but to us as well. I think we all deserve more than that.
Lee0512 Lee0512 26-30, M 19 Responses Jul 3, 2011

Your Response


Is anyone still reading this thread? I could share some thoughts but not if its a dead thread

I'm currently having this issue right now and I want it to stop immediately. i've been too unfair to him for so long. What would you guys recommend?

Me too

can anyone with the same problem talk to me, it's really depressing. I need some guide or advice, you can reach me on my kik: xdhampx

I've been thinking the same thing. It just hurts so much knowing the love is true but will never be. I'm mad at myself for doing it, it's been really hard. we still talk, I don't know when to stop and how, everyday he's everything I ever thought of, I can't find or get a grip of myself to just disappear. I don't wanna hurt him, but I know from the day I said I had feelings for him, the day I started pretending, both of us will hurt in the end. But it's more difficult in my part, 'cause yes as you said it's a burden I must carry, I just don't know how to deal with it right now, I've got a lot of things to say but I just really don't know where to start. Thanks for talking to me, it helped me a bit.

Add a response...

I feel like I'm walking into this right now, I am guy and I have plenty of friends and people to talk to, it's just that I don't see them often and am constantly wanting to talk to people, so I made a fake Facebook recently, pretending to be a girl just to have people to talk to and get to know, my friends list is rising pretty fast, and people always respond to my comments because I'm not considered that one kid that your social status will drop for talking to, I'm still in high school currently, and I'm starting to comment more and more on this one guys posts, he always replies happily, and is really nice, I have not messaged anyone yet, but feel like this might escalate pretty soon, most of the guys have girlfriends already already, even he does, but his friends are starting to add me, and I'm worried it might get much worse. I am straight, so I naturally dot want it to go any further than making friends and having people to chat with and listen to my problems.

I'm currently doing a language investigation for my A Levels on the concept of men creating and utilising a female persona online. I'm mostly interested in your manipulation of language to convincingly appear as a female, and I'm wondering if you'd be willing to share some of the messages you've sent, as a female persona, to the men you've interacted with. You don't have to include anything too personal, and everything will remain completely anonymous. If this is something you'd be up for, please don't hesitate to contact me, thank you :)

I have the exact same experience, but I'm pretending to be a girl, with a girl :/ And she's bisexual... I really don't know what to do, if I should tell her who I really am. This has been going on for a year now, you can see a more detailed version of my story on my profile (it's featured) and I really need help :( I feel like the worst person in the world, I don't deserve her kindness, or her love. It really sucks..

I am going through the exact same thing right now. I've been with this guy, the most incredible and amazing guy for close to a year now. We met online (obviously) and live in different countries. It's just heartbreaking to know that you can never be with the guy you live, even though he's right there...*sigh* I realized what I am doing is so wrong to him, he even told his family about his "girlfriend", I don't know how I am going to get out of this without breaking his heart. I even thought about suicide just to get it over with. I'm somewhat glad to know that I am not the only one going through this. I wish I could talk to someone about this.

I am in a similar position right now. I started seeing this guy online in June last year and very quickly he had all of attention. We exchanged phone numbers. I am vey good at faking voice so I had no problem talking to him like a woman. It went very good. Things started to develop between us but I didn't realise it until it was too late. We exchanged "I love you" and he even told his parents about me. In February this year I told him that all of this was fake and he was " you did what you have to do" but I feel terrible about it because I couldn't stop thinking about him. I wanted him and I told him a few weeks later it was just a lie and I am indeed a girl but I told him that my family problems are causing me to not date him. He can't give up on us. Though he has started to come in terms with the fact that we cannot be together. He called me yesterday after 2 months of no interaction. I feel ashamed. I feel guilty of hurting someone. I feel that I have violated someone's emotions and I feel I have damaged myself too in the whole process. How can I get over it? How can I heal?

I have a similar experience too. Except I'm a guy. It all begun a year ago when I started to make a twitter account to talk to other people about TV shows & animes who has the same interest & hobbies. As a guy, no one really talked to me, so I pretended to be a girl. It didn't take long for lots of people to start talking to me. Being alone & suffering depression my whole life, I quite enjoyed the new found attention. I'm socially awkward, & find it hard to talk to people in real life let alone making friends. I feel that being online is the only escape for me, & to feel accepted even though I'm pretending to be a girl. It's the only way I can freely express myself without being judged. :/

Not long after I met these two girls. One is from German & the other is from Switzerland. All three of us met via twitter & started talking a lot, due to the same interest & hobbies we've shared. I even made a facebook account to join them to talk more via facebook inbox. I told them that I was a hairdresser, I used a random picture of a really attractive girl with purple hair I found on the net, & use that picture as the identity of my online girl persona. It's been one year already, & I have grown really closed to them. They have always been there for, listening to my stories and making me laugh, smile, & bring me a joy of friendship that I haven't experienced in a really long time. I really care & love them as friends. But at the same time I feel very guilty & awful lying to them about my identity. It's eating me up deeply in the inside, but I cannot bring myself to tell them the truth. They have trusted me so much to open up about their personal life. As a guy, they would never tell me such things or open up. It's gotten to the point where I can't even function normal without them. I truly care for them & don't want to hurt their feelings in any way. i don't want to leave them. I wish I could be the friend the great girl they think I am. >_<

I don't know what to do anymore :/

I did something terrible to a guy online. I pretened to be a girl online and I wasn't doing it to flirt but to just be friendly with everyone. At first it was great I made a lot of friends but soon I a guy and I became friends as time went on he told me loved at first I was surprised and thought he was joking maybe he would get over it but I was wrong. He said he loved me and I could tell he was being serious I felt so bad because I'm a guy and I feel guilt for lieing to him I don't think I. can ever tell him the truth but I know what I did was wrong and now I must burden his pain and my guilt onto my heart. I'm a terrible person to do this to him, this wasn't my plan but now that I know how he really feels I must bear this pain. Everyone out their please don't do this to anyone be truthful because you really are hurting a human soul out their. I'm not sure if I like him or not but he likes me and for that I must take this burden for the rest of my life I just hopes he find the person he loves and I am truthfully sorry for what I have done

I never thought i'd share this story anywhere especially on a website..I just need to let this off my chest and it makes me feel a bit better that i'm not the only one who pretends to be a girl..I pretend to be a girl because I feel more..Like myself when doing so..I know it's wrong to get guys to love you pretending to be a girl and as much as it will always hurt i can't seem to stop because the good feeling that come from it are addicting like a drug...You may see me as a terrible person for this but it won't change how i am whether i'm hated for it or not..I've been doing this for years on many different MMORPG's...I'm not exactly proud of doing it but i really don't see another alternative. I have stopped for a while now but i just recently started today recently..andof course i'm already making a move on this very nice polite guy...he's only a year older than me..but of course like all of them it's going to have to eventually end..I just wish that i was born the opposite sex..I don't do this for some sick pleasure..i just do this to get the love i want in the relation as a woman...andi guess this is as real as it's ever going to get..I guess this is will always just simply be a dream..If only i wasn't born a least i wasn't born a masculine one nor a weak nimble all my relations it seems i enjoyed the ones as me being the woman to be the one that feels more..comfortable..I'm just glad i'm not the only one out there..and even though i don't really want to i really must stop this pretending stuff..because i have to..since it is hurting everyone i get with and live my little fantasy with..

I know it's an old post but I guess I need to share this.
I live a similar experience, except that I don't have "serious feeling" for him, just a very strong physical attraction. I think I would easily fall for him if I got to know him better though. The thing is... I'm totally aware that it's not real and completely wrong. I really find it sickening and wonder how I can be so ****** up to do things like that. It's just plain wrong.
I can't really be free with my sexuality because of family etc and my life is a mess so it might partially explain it but it's not a good reason, you can't find a good reason when it comes to manipulating people and making them believe that they talk to a person that in fact doesn't exist. Really I hope people reading this won't do the same mistake.

it's happening to me... I hate myself for it, because it hurts so much. well, crap I'm not even bisexual. I don't want to leave him but I have to. how can I do this without hurting him? :(

Get a sex change, problem solved.

Well, my situation is slightly more complicated, but equally frustrating. I'm a teenage girl who usually pretends to be of anonymous gender in the web, but one day I decided to experiment a little and joined a chat as "a guy." So everything was going fairly well and I met some pretty cool people, especially this guy, who we'll call "Z." He is only a year older than me, but he's much more mature than those sophomores in my high school. He is cynical, sarcastic, and outspoken. His excellent spelling and poetic choice of words were just perfect. We became friends eventually, seeing as how we shared a passion for video games and reading, but most of the times our conversation was joined by another guy, R. R is the opposite of Z, but he can be serious when the situation calls for it. Thing is, as time went on, I began liking Z much more than a friend, and everyday in school I would doodle our names in random pieces of paper and even reject hanging out with my friends in order to spend more time chatting with Z; but it doesn't end there. A year since I joined the chat, R suddenly confessed that I turned him gay and asked me to go out with me. Z was completely apathetic about it. At least, he was until a few days later, when he told a mutual friend, M, that he was beginning to become attracted to guys, more importantly, R, who, despite being rejected, still tried to court me. I feel so guilty every time the three of us chat, because it was my fault for pretending to be a guy. I still really like Z, and according to M, Z still likes R and R still likes me, but I rarely go there anymore. I'm too ashamed to go back and tell them the truth. I just hope they forget about me and move on soon.

im so glad im not the onley one first it seemed funny when i all-ways pretended to be a girl but when i met the the nicest guy i ever all changed...he was so sure about us and that we would be together and stuff and i allways kept wishing it could happen and that it would work out...but it just couldent...we started dating and planning to meet...but we obviously couldent...Now i wish god made me a girl...being a guy really sucks and you will allways feel heart broken after a good internet relationship...i still dont know how to end it advice guys dont pretend to be a girl...cause at the end of the day youl feel heart broken and horrible in every way....its really cruel to other guys who like you...especially cause as a guy you know how to impress other guys....therefore the boys on the net allways fall in love with a perfect girl...also my internet relationship is on Xbox live...ive been dating this amazing guy since 2009 and its now 2012...its time to end it...somehow=(:::::

WWHAT THE **** COMMENTS. freaks.

The same happens to me. I was just pretending to be a girl on the web just for fun. But when I know him on facebook, I fall in love by the 1st sight. He's good looking, but then I fall in love with his personality. We changing phone numbers, keep connected by texts, facebook, twitter and even planned our future date (though it seems impossible to happen). One week before our planned "date" that's on his birthday, he smells something wrong. He said why I never try to calls him. Of course I can't coz he's gonna be hurt if he knows I'm a man. Now he's avoiding me. It let me down and I can't even focus on my study. It might be awkward to love someone by this, but he's a nice bright guy to be honest. at least I know he's seeing some else soon. Wish the best of him. Hope I will be with you on our next life. I love him, with all my heart. god's is unfair :"( I'm so glad I'm not the only one facing off this problem :")

Same happen to me...I finally got enough courage to tell him the truth, were still working out but now I feel guilty for all the lying. I thought the whole pretending be a girl thing online would be cool but I feel like a freak! I hate myself for being so selfish and playing with others emotions, it's a horrible thing to do and I learned my lesson. I'll never do it again in my life. It may seem hard but you did the right thing. It'll get easier. I'm glad I'm not alone with this problem, it's comforting people have the same problem with internet pretending. :(