Never Again....My story ends a little different.... but let me start from the beginning.
One night I was bored and logged in to a chat website. I'd been pretending to be different people since I got my first computer at the age of 18. That night when I met *Jason*, I'd been pretending for over 5 years on and off whenever I was bored.
He messaged me and of course "I" responded. I told him that I wasnt looking for cybering or seeing his 'stuff' on cam, and as it turns out, this guy wasn't looking for that. His wife was working late...again and he just wanted to kill some time.
This was a Friday night and we chatted until 4 in the morning. We exchanged pictures...mine was a fake of course...and emails.
I thought about him the entire weekend. I was in a relationship at the time, and he was married. (it was supposed to be safe) but immediately, I felt a connection to him.
On the following Monday, I got an email from him. This is the day that he confessed that he was married. (I'd already figured this out as his picture had a photo of him and his wife in the background on the wall).
We decided to be friends and chat every now and then. He lived in another country. No risk there, right?
Well, every now and then turned into chatting all day every day while we were at our respective offices and talking on the phone as often as we could. After 3 weeks, he told me he was falling for me, and he was conflicted as to what to do.
He invited me to go and see him. I made up an excuse of course and we continued talking.
We started exchanging I love yous. He sent me flowers. We exchanged more 'pictures'. We began having an online affair. I neglected my entire life, friends...even work so I could chat all day while in the office.
Another month or so into our 'relationship', he leaves his wife. I felt horrible. I felt like I wanted to slit my wrists to guarantee I go straight to hell. This wasn't what I expected at all. But I still didnt stop the lies; I continued our relationship.
After he moved out, things got intense. I wanted more and so did he, but he didn't understand why I wouldnt come and see him. My relationship was suffering from being online at all hours of the night. He asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.
It wasn't 'cheating' because we weren't touching...that is what I told myself to avoid the guilt. But whenever I had a problem, it was *Jason* I'd go to...not my boyfriend. Whenever I told someone I love you, it was *Jason*, not my boyfriend. I strung him along and he hng on my every word.
He told me evey day how beautiful I was...how sexy...things he wanted to do to 'me', after a few months, it started to take its toll. I left my boyfriend and dedicated all of my time to this fake relationship. We dated 4 months before I decided to tell him the truth.
He was devastated..................
He cried...I cried...... but we talked for 24 hours straight.,..we fought and cried some more.
By the end of the conversation, I'd sent him pictures of the real me and plans were made to meet that up coming weekend. He dropped everything and flew 2 days later to see THE REAL ME....
I went to the airport to greet him. I sat and waited for him to come down the escalators and I recognized him straight away. He started to walk past me and immediately grabbed me and kissed me.
It was like a dream come true...this man that I loved and adored was kissing ME...he was here in my arms...finally.
From that day on, we spent a lot of time together. He flew me to see him on several occassions and he would come to see me during the holidays. We were together a year from the day we met.
Well, it would seem that I got my 'happy ending' I was elated and overjoyed that I found this guy...I was making plans to move to Canada to be with him....When I found out I was pregnant.
This ended it all. His words were 'get rid of it or get rid of me'
I was then devastated. I even contemplated it. I told him I couldn't, that if it meant us breaking up, then so be it. He tried bullying me into getting an abortion...throwing my lies in my face. He told me that I tried to trap him. That I was just like every other 'Female dog' he'd seen in his day.
His words tore me apart. He'd never spoeken to me like this before. He became angry, hateful, violent. I feared for my life. All because I wouldn't have an abortion.
We broke up and I will spare you the details of the ugliness that he turned into.
I had a beautiful baby girl who is now 3 years old.
The guy I was with when I met *Jason*, called me 4 days after my daughter was born wanting to talk. He came by and never left. We are still together now and married and we are a family. I haven't seen or spoken to *Jason* since 3 months into my pregnancy when he threatened to kill himself if I didn't get an abortion. I know he's alive and well via a mutual friend. He wants nothing to do with me or his daughter. He refuses to pay any type of child support, and I'm fine with that. We are better off.
The day our daughter was born, I sent him a picture of her so he could at least know her face.
His response was to leave him alone forever.
Every 6 months, I send pictures to an old email to keep him updated on her growth and how much she looks like him.
I never get a response. I do this because it's my job as her mother to say...I tried. I never kept you from your biological father. But the family that I have now....I love more than life itself and I do struggle with being myself...simply because it's easier to become another person. To hide behind a computer screen.
I will never jeopardize my family for a fake life ever again....