I Don't Know Who I Am

I've started pretending I'm someone else ever since I was 13.. I've always been fascinated by being someone else and not be me. This is the first site(except for Facebook) where I'm truly being myself.. I had MXit a social mobile Network and that's where it all started.

I started meeting older guys on this MXit, and they will ask me my age then my mind will go completely blank. I would start asking myself things like, should I tell the truth? Must he really know my age? Then I would easily run my fingers over my keypad and I would lie. At out shamelessly lie. I've gone from being a blond blue eyed 13 year old to a 19 year old green eyed mysterious black haired vixen. Or a hothead red head.. I've even gone brown wavy haired hazel eyed beauty. And all of them have names.. Tasha Grimm, Haily Tom, Aer Johnson.. My most recent is Kara Wells.. I hate myself for my multiple personalities online. I've met awesome people online and then I would heartlessly make up deaths for my characters.. Tasha Grimm died in a drunk driving accident.. Aer Johnson died in a robbery.. I'm currently thinking of how to kill Haily..

But strangely Kara Wells is a character who I hold close to me.. She has had my true personality all these years and my nickname is Kara.. My mothers maiden name is Wells and I'm thinking of changing my name to Kara Wells. But she's still different, she might have blond hair and blue eyes like me but she's "22" and I'm just 16 going on 17. How do I explain this to my friends? And worse.. My family? Should I tell them?

I've scared myself quite a few times recently.. When I do my make up and I'm staring at myself in the mirror I would have mini arguments with myself.. Or should I say Kara and I have had some fights.. Is this even normal? I feel like I'm losing my sanity bit by bit.. Lie by lie.. And I can't stop! No matter how badly I want to I can't!
I've been seeing a therapist but it's not helping me much, I just want this to end.. And as soon as possible but it seems like it will never happen.
GothicChild GothicChild
18-21, F
May 18, 2012