In Too Deep

My expierence is hitting close to home.. Awhile back I made a friend, a real live one. We were sooo close and loved eachother. I was married and not a cheater. Everyone told me he was "in love" with me but I denied it. My cousin started talking to him and they exchanged pictures. She was sure he was into me as well.. I had to know. I just had to.. so I made up a fake friend and set him up with her in the hopes of getting the inside scoop or at least set my mind at ease about the fact that it really is not greener on the other side. In our tradition growing up we can't date and he lived in another state so it was easy to just talk on the phone and email. However now he is in love with my fake person and I feel so strongly for him I can't give it up. I love being the person I was meant to be but now can't break free cuz it feels like an addiction. I hate it but love it! I want to tell him it's really me but I know he will hate me. I love him and he will hate me.. I can't believe I got in so deep. I love to escape my life for awhile and be young and free again.

NOW he is head over heels.. my personality is the only thing that is 100% real and I have told him in not so many words. To the point of telling him he is being tricked and that he just dosen't know who I am. I have told him there is something huge I have to tell him that he dosen't know yet and that he is going to hate me. He said " I don't care if you use to be a man" lol!!! At one point he was like "ok then let me be tricked cuz I love you".. I have tried to break up with him so many times because I truly care for him as crazy as I know that sounds after reading all of this. My personality is what he is in love with. I have decided to tell him at the right moment. Not for awhile yet because I need to get myself together but eventually. Like I said I did tell him that something was comming and that he would hate me for it so I'm praying he prepares a little. Any thoughts on how he may react????
lexieobrian lexieobrian
26-30, F
May 21, 2012