Pretending Online: My Story
I am currently fourtee years old soon to turn fifteen. I am a freshman in highschool. I started faking around a year and a half ago. I started just as a game. I wanted to talk to people on a chatting website called chatango but for safety reasons i was scared to use my real name or picture. So i created a "fake person" at first it as nothing serious just for fun. I would log on every few days talk to a few people, i made this girl older than me 19 in college. So the guys i would talk to were all older. This is where i got addicted. I loved that i could talk and relate to people up to 10 years youger than me it made me realize my maturity it a negative way. I would stay up at all hours and stay home from places in the summer just to talk to these people. It was addicting. I was living another life inside of my head. I developed a alternate person inside my head. Soon i got bored of this website and made a fake "text plus" account of the same girl. I did the same thing talk to older guys loving the attention because in real life i wasn't as outgoing or as pretty or as talented as this girl. She was everything i ever dreames of being, my vision of a "perfect girl". Eventually I started seriously talking to this one guy. We developed feelings for eachother well the fake me. And he eventually confessed he was in love with me. This kind of sent me into a major spiral of depression. I knew all along what I was doing was wrong. But yet i couldnt stop. I felt horrible. And it made me hate who I was as a person. I missed a lot of school and lost desire to see my friends. I lied to my parents that I had an eating disorder because i was so embarassed and thought i was the only person whoever took faking this far. Evntually i broke down and told the truth. And for a few months i was getting back on track, but then the pain of not talking to this guy over took my head. I made two other girls to talk to him but he was obviously way more careful and seemed suspicious. Also those other girls didn't give me the same "High" as the initial girl i created. I moved on from that guy and what did I do? Continue to fake the other girl. I met and new people, i have a instagram for this girl that has close to 2000 followers which makes me even more upet because i know i will never be as pretty or popular as her in real life. Im currently talking to a guy and i can tell making him fall for me we have "plans to meet" over Christmas break which obviously is not going to happen. It's like im in denial that I cant be this girl. I wish i was her. Its horrible. I feel like a monster, manipulating peoples emotions for my own selfish games. I dont know what im doing with my life. Im smart. I have friends. I'm talented. And easy on the eyes, but it tears my self esteem down every day knowing I'll never be this girl. And im dying to stop it for good, but i dont think i can without support. If you can relate please add me or message me I'd love to hear your story... If you read all of this I'm guessing youve suffered something similar and you are not alone.