Going On Four Years..

I'm currently a senior in high school and probably made one of the biggest mistakes of my life, 4 years ago. When i was in 9th grade i made a fake Facebook account with my friends as a joke to talk to the boy I liked. It was all a joke at first. But then we started talking everyday. I just couldn't stop, I was finally talking to my crush. But then it got even worse when I met a random person;Spencer we started talking and soon we became bestfriends. Now I was being fake to two different people. As I got "smarter with being fake" I made another Facebook to be "friends" with. And on the second facebook i met an amazing person;jimmy who I am in love with. As I went on to 10th grade I didn't really talk to my crush anymore I moved On. Spencer thought I was two conpletely different people. And I'll never forget the day spencer found out it was all fake. I was in the mall Christmas shopping and i got a text saying "I need to talk to you" I didn't really think much about it until he said "who's Jenna" my heart dropped& I got a knot in my stomach. I ignored him. 2 minutes later he calls. I ignore it. He calls again. And again and again till I finally answer and I was jus so embarrassed. That was 2 years ago. I haven't talked to him in months. It still breaks my heart to know I did that to him, he tol me things he never told anyone. It makes me sick. I don't know what wrong with me.; after i lost him I knew I had to stop. I deactivated the facebooks, but then a few months later i was at it again. Me and jimmy started talking again and became so close. We talked everyday and night, soon we began saying I love you. We would fight like a couple, I was constantly making excuses to why I couldn't see him. This has been going on for four years now. He had no idea, we talk about our future. He tells me he wants to marry me, we talk about what our kids would look like, and i just get caught up in how amazing everything is, and I'm absolutely terrified to tell him the truth I know he would ruin my life, he's not the forgiving type and I conmpletely get it. But I'm so lost I don't know what to do someone please give me some type of advice. This is th first time in actually opening up about this. I can't take it any longer-- btw I'm completely rambling I hope this all made sense :/
Italianbellax3 Italianbellax3
Nov 26, 2012