Lies Were My Teachers

I was a reclusive, socially inept child. I didn't understand society, I didn't understand people, I didn't understand social interaction... Actually my whole young childhood can be summarized as "I didn't understand."

But I observed. And as time went by and I observed more and more... I learned. I learned way is behind people's actions, I learned to read body language and facial expressions, I learned to see what thrives people even when they don't know it themselves. Knowledge of the human condition became somewhat of an obsession to me in those years.

There comes a point though where knowledge alone isn't enough anymore. I wanted to be a part of it. I wanted to play along, join in on the game of humanity. I was tired of the sideline. That was when I discovered I have an uncanny talent for lying. My gathered knowledge helped me, and lies became my teachers.
I pretended to be someone else to unknown people. People on the bus to whom I would start chatting, random meet-ups, people online... and I would learn. I would monitor their reactions. And the more I practiced, the more different versions of things I created for myself, the better I got. After a while it didn't take me any effort any more to lie, and I started finding pleasure in making people believe me.

These days, I have learned so much that social interaction, true social interaction based on who I believe myself to be in truth, forms no problem anymore. I'm a social, outgoing person with a wide circle of acquaintances, a small but close circle of real friends, and a lovely partner.

I'm not saying my life is perfect, not at all, I have a lot of issues... but I think without lying my life would have been a lot worse. Lies were my teachers, and I like to think of them as my friends now. I am forever grateful that it comes so naturally to me to lie.
Quantumphysica Quantumphysica
18-21, F
3 Responses Dec 20, 2012

I admire your strength and consistency, if I could carry on the lies, pretend as well as you, I may not be so destructive, I could actually forget the past, and move into the future. And be a sucess not falling and crashing, then having a false sense of confidence which then creates more mess I can't deal with.
If your happy in yourself and not hurting others .... Then it's definitely sucess!
Xx ( I'm brilliant at turning around to myself lol)

A well-written account of honest self-assessment that in some ways belies the core premise. Liars often make good writers.

It is difficult for children to find out who they are in a world that tells them over and over again. Eventually you believe them, and you no longer can distinguish the lies from the real you.