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The Lies Behind My Pretty Little Face.

I started faking right when I got my first computer 5 years ago. I was a little girl, only in elementary school. I signed up for a chatting website by the name of "Meez." At first, I created a real account of myself. Of course I was underage, so I got the idea..... It would be easier if I was someone else. Who would know, right? So I made my first account. Then a couple more. None of them were really who I was and I started being a guy, and I dated over 30 girls, maybe even more.. About 10 were serious. Only 2 made a big, big impact on my life. We'll get to that in a second. I was only 9 or 10 years old when I created the first account, but I met this girl named Gabby. I went by the name Alex, and she believed every word I said. We started talking on the phone, I used the deepest voice I could use, and boy did she love it. We got serious. She told me she as 15, but truely she was only 10. Same exact age as I was. Same grade. Everything. It was crazy because I didnt tell her the truth. So we met about a year before we started talking again. She was like "Hey dont I know you??(:" and from that day.... we started dating. We were 11. She was going by 13, and I was going by the age of 15. We both lied, but the difference was... she was real. I was a guy.... Which I'm really just an ordinary girl. No one knew I was doing this online, I was a popular, pretty girl at school. I kept talking to her until I was 12, At that point I knew EVERYTHING about her, and she knew me pretty well. The fake me. I told her who I really was when she found out I was fake. I was faking a guy on youtube, taking his pictures. I told her who I really was and she was ok with it. We were friends for a month or two, then she started hating me. Who could blame her? She turned lesbian and is now dating a girl in her state. (she lives in oregon, i live in chicago.) I wasnt depressed, I didnt hate myself. The reason I did this was because I wanted to be an emo cute guy. (I hate emo things now, it was a phase.) I started getting fat, (lost all the weight now though.) and I realized, I hated my body and it would be easier to be someone else, again. So right at this moment, 2013, i am faking a 16 year old boy with a different girl. She loves me. She's in love with me. It's been a year and every day she tells me how much she wants to be with me. I text her and call her all day, everyday. I'm planning to tell her who i really am soon because this is not only taking over her life, but its making a bad bad impact on my life. I don't think i'll really tell her i'm a girl, i'll just dump her and make an excuse and change my number and never talk to her again. It's so hard to let go... I'm so in love with her. I want to be this gorgeous guy she thinks shes dating. I really, really do. I want to go to Massachusetts and kiss her and make love to her. If only I was really who I was faking to be. She thinks im this beautiful guy, but in reality im just a blonde haired, blue eyed girl whos life is perfect. I love who I am in real life, I dont know why i'm faking. This experience has made me much more "grown up" than I should be. I always crave love and want to make love to boys, although I'm bi. This experience has turned me bi because of the amount of girls I have dated. Now that it's been a year, I can't let go. I wasted 5 precious years faking and faking and I ruined my childhood. I wish I could go back and tell my 9 year old self, Don't do it. No one do it. It's a waste of time, you'll wish you could go back. But you will never be able to.
liesbehindeverysmile liesbehindeverysmile 13-15 4 Responses Jan 1, 2013

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i told the girl everything when she found out the truth. you cant just leave her hanging like that. she deserves the truth..

One of the main things that made me wanna comment on this story is the part where you said that "I don't think i'll really tell her i'm a girl, i'll just dump her and make an excuse and change my number and never talk to her again." First off, she deserves way better. You love her don't you? or at least care? If you go that route it will make her feel like you never gave a fxuck. True enough, the truth might make her feel that way too but at least she'll know that at least you cared enough to be honest with her. One of the main hard hitters if you tell the truth is probably gonna be the length of time you've spent duping her. The longer you wait, the worse it gets. I lied for 8 long months and when I finally decided to tell the truth, thats what hurt my girl the most. She told me I should have told her much sooner and she was right. I picked a real hot guy to pretend to be. Tall, muscular, handsome, and just overall perfect. The complete opposite of who I really am. At the end of the day, even though I ruined her "fantasy" she ended up admitting that she was bisexual as well and wanted to get to know the real me and be with me. I feel very fortunate to have kept such a forgiving person in my life. You may not get the same outcome, but I strongly urge you to tell the truth. Don't just abandon her like a coward. She deserves to know. Maybe in the end she can forgive you and you can keep her in your life. Even if she doesnt, at least you can be at ease knowing you set yourself free. If I wouldve abandoned my girl instead of telling the truth, Id still be feeling pretty sxhitty right now. The best person to be is yourself. Best of luck to you.

Zoo I'm going through the exact same thing and it would be great if we could talk I really need to get over this as well it's ruining my life too!:/

I don't think you realize how much you are hurting the person on the other end, while you are on this journey finding yourself.
I know what you mean. The part where you felt like you loved the person on the other end. I once made stupid chooce, in hope to help out my friend, I ended up living a fake life for a brief moment.
In this case, it didn't have any impact on my life, but I ruined somebody elses...
So I want you to carefully think about what you are doing.

I think you have to tell her the truth. Honestly, when you do these things and I am speaking from experience, you cause alot of damage in the other person's life but mostly you hurt yourself the most. If you need to talk to someone message me. I lied to someone for six years and came clean a year ago and i have not forgiven myself nor been able to put it behind me, so please you have to stop and tell her the truth, the whole truth, because you are hurting and lying to yourself and you will really destroy the other person's life.