I Need Help Fighting My Addiction Of Pretending To Be Others Online.I am a male and I'm addicted to pretending to be very attractive women online. This addiction started off just over three years ago, when I was 16 and has gotten worse ever since.
This addiction started off as harmless fun with myself fooling around on chatrooms but now has developed into multiple facebook accounts, skype accounts, MSN accounts and even giving out my caller ID (I ofcourse never answer the phone) anything to convince these guys that the person I am pretending to be is real.
Why do I do it you may ask? The only major issue I ever had was when I struggled to make friends when I went to a different school from the age of 12-13, I remember the feelings of wanting to fit in and low-self esteem. However after this age I've had friends ever since and I managed to find new friends when I first started University quite easily. But still I have this feeling that I just don't fit in, this slight paranoia that maybe they're just being nice to me. (I tend to overthink social situations.) The only thing I can really narrow it down to is the fact that I've never really been that appreciated by the opposite sex, I've had 'flings' with women but never a relationship whilst the majority of my friends have. This is perhaps why I pretend to be the opposite sex, because I know guys are more likely to rush and talk to a girl and pay a lot more attention to her than the opposite and it helps fill that hole in my life that I have never had.
It does not help I'm over-exposed to the internet and can spend a lot of time on it, and to pass the time I fuel this addiction. I do have other hobbies such as playing a musical instrument but instead of developing my skills any further I prioritise my addiction. When I go out with my friends I don't think about it that much but it's generally the first thing I do once I am alone.
I have no idea how to stop this, I need to stop it, it's making me feel insane (I've even started to fall for these personas I've made for these women I pretend to be). I could never ask someone I know because the thought of forever being labelled a 'creep' or a 'weirdo' would really hurt me. I find it difficult to ask for help anyway, but I see this as no other option, hence why I am asking for advice here. I'm tired of creating lives for other people online and living those lives. I want to start living mine and I want to be proud of who I am.
This is probably the most honest thing I have ever said in a long time.