The Truth Finally Set Me FreeSo I shared my story on here a couple months ago. I'm a 23 year old bisexual girl who was pretending be a guy online and ended up falling in love with this girl I was lying to. I never did it to be mean or spiteful, but it was very selfish of me. I was at a very lonely point in my life and created my fake persona to try and take the loneliness away. At the end of the day though, it doesn't take it away. It makes it worse. The guilt was awful. Day after day it only got worse. I can actually write this with a clear conscience. For the longest time I was in a deep pit of lies. I was hopeless. I had enjoyed being my fake male character but I hated lying to her because I grew to love and care for her so much. I never wanted to tell her the truth because I couldn't bear to hurt her. My plan was gonna be to just one day disappear and cut off all contact.Things were complicated though because I was dealing with a very vulnerable and fragile person. A person who grew to love and need me to the point where it worried me. In doing this you get so lost in the lies that you lose sight of the damage you are doing to the person/people that you're deceiving. I cared for her far too much to just abandon her. After 8 months of lying to her, I couldn't take it anymore. I fell for her so hard. So hard, that I just couldn't keep doing it to her. 3 weeks ago I broke completely down and told her the truth. She was crushed, hurt, and completely shocked. I must've apologized a million times and I told her the truth about everything. I expected her to hate me. To not want anything to do with me. In a strange twist though she actually wanted to get to know the real me. It has been a very awkward process but she's getting to know the real me pretty well. It's still difficult for her to differentiate between the real me and my male persona but overall she has handled it well. I consider myself extremely lucky. This girl is the most forgiving person I think I've ever met in my entire life. I've read a lot of stories and not everyone is as fortunate as me though. The outcome could have easily been disastrous. I never expected a positive outcome from telling the truth. I ran from the truth for so long and even if the outcome would have been negative, I would have still been content at being able to tell the truth. It set me free. I don't have to spend my days crying and being miserable anymore. I don't have to hurt her or anyone else anymore. I'm 100% sure that I will NEVER do this again. It isn't worth it. Playing with the minds and emotions of others just isn't cool. If you haven't done it, good. If you're reading this because you have done/are doing it then stop. It's easier said than done but my whole point in sharing my story is to maybe reach out and help whoever might be reading this. You gotta tell the truth and be real with yourself or you'll be facing a lifetime of misery. Plus if you really care about these people, you owe it to them to tell them the truth. I missed out on months of happiness due to this behavior that I'll never get back again. The best person to be is yourself, trust me.
LonelyGal23 22-25, F 7 Responses 1 Jan 23, 2013