I'm A Female Pretending To Be A Man Online

I know where you're coming from. I have almost the EXACT same story as you, which is really scary. It's creepy and disturbing. My life sucks I'll admit it, my friends lie to me...use me....exclude me from things. It ****** me off so much. So I'll start.
I just joined a site (not a dating site, more of a role-play gaming one) where you could talk to people, have a character, all that stuff. Flirting, and "marrying" was very common in the game and friends did it to other friends even. It wasn't a big deal. I decided to sign up as a guy (this was before I knew all this stuff), just for fun and kicks. I made friends and everything was really cool. Then some girl started flirting with me...I responded back. Like you I am completely straight girl, and I don't find interest in girls whatsoever. Over time I met more people...and they fell in love with my character. It was insane. They asked for pictures & stuff before, but I never gave in and I guess maybe some got a lil suspicious but most people believed me and just thought I was a "privacy freak" or something. They loved me. And like you part of me fell in love with them, so much. I wished I was that guy.
At first, he was just about the "perfect guy" but then I wanted to be myself after a while and...I added my own feelings to it and I was like every other person. They liked me even more. Now. I knew a lot of people on there, and I was real chatty...so over 20 girls all had some kind of "crush" on me at least some point in the game. Ages range. I was young but I claimed to be 15 when I joined. It's a really long story, but I know where you're coming from. I'm disturbed and completely hate myself for it. I still don't know what to do because I almost quit for a whole year but left my account there...People quit and etc. But just recently someone started talking to me again (an old friend -that is a girl). And it all seems to happen again. I have no idea what I'm doing or how to stop. :(

I can totally relate to the comments here, and infact it's really refreshing to find that I am not the only one caught up in this experience. I too have been masquerading as male in online chatrooms for the past 10 years. I believe it is an addiction because I cannot seem to stop, even though I hate myself for doing it and for lying to other people who seem so genuine and decent and are nice to me. This activity almost ruined my life though, and maybe still could if I don't find a way to manage it, or to even stop it (although that notion terrifies me). I got 'found out' a couple of years ago and went from being one of the most popular members of a chat room to being hated and vilified. However, some people did reach out to me and seemed to want to genuinely be my friend and help me. As it turns out they too were faking who they were ... just to get money out of me. I sent the money of course, and perhaps I was trying to 'buy' love. Anyway, after that happened I did quit for a while. However, 3 months ago my mum died. I miss her terribly ... she was my best friend and I think maybe my only one true friend. I have been feeling very lonely and lost and unloved and found that I NEEDED the attention, the 'love' that I get from women online so I've found myself repeating my past mistakes but unable to stop. It's compounding my loneliness and depression is setting in because I wish more than anything that my life was different and that I was the man I wish to be, that they wish me to be. I don't know if I'm gay, or if it's something more like gender dysfunction but either way I believe it's too late to do anything about that now as I'm 40yrs old. I've always considered myself a very honest person and yet I lie every day to these people, and to myself. I feel as though it's a vicious, never ending cycle and I don't know how to break it.

same here but i made my "cousin" up just as a joke as liking her but (im straight 2) but things got all crazy & she just needs friends & was sad & stuff so i couldnt do that to her so had an online relationship for a year then stopped talking until a week or 2 ago but now she just needs friends & has a bf so its good cuz i have my own life but still talking as ME & my COUSIN i jus was curious & jk around when i was younger i guess? dont have any feelings as a girl toward her like i said im straight... like her as a friend tho. so now she plans on meeting up with me in my state in a couple months as MY friend but plans on wanting to see my "cousin" & i talk to her as both.. so i dont know if i should have her come all the way here then tell her or tell her before? i dont know just still wanna be friends & not make her hate me cuz shes a good person & i only did it to help her cuz i knew wat it was like (wat she was going through) i just hope she dont think im crazy or w/e i didnt mean no harm by it. dono wat 2 do? anybody wanna help?

Wow, it's a good feeling to know that you are never alone. I too have pretended to be male. I started back in late 2002 and continued all the way up to about 2007. The love and acceptance I got was refreshing and made me feel good. I really connected and vibed with these women I talked to.

I will say I noticed one thing, the women who "fall" so fast for men online are emotionally broken. They have issues.

And I think we are not weird or mean. I think that we are simply filling the void online that was created offline. I know I don't have too many friends or a social life, I didn't have a lot of boyfriends, so I enjoyed time spent online.

I've been struggling with my sexuality for some time now and I have reached somewhat of a conclusion. I am definitely interested in women. I just don't know how to go about approaching one offline. In late 2008, I met a lesbian and it was the first time that I actually showed my actual pictures and real web cam. We actually spoke on the phone and mailed each other stuff. It felt good to be REAL online for once. We didn't fall in love or anything but it was cool to not lie.

Since then, I have unfortunately fell right back into pretending with another female. I had stopped for so long but relapsed because I seen her online in a you tube video. I was able to track her down and messaged her. We been talking ever since. I have feelings for her and I know we will never be. So.... I guess I just need to take it one day at a time.

This is the first time I've ever considered looking this up. I'm rather astounded by these posts.
I almost thought it was unrational to truly believe that there were other individuals out there in the same position.

I started a game, when I was probably about thirteen, Pertaining to the same qualities: Chat, virtual world, profile pages, even activities and accessories for online avatars. I am now two years away from turning eighteen.

A cousin of mine and I started this game as a meer joke. We both made male and female accounts. We figured we would go online and test people, screw with their mind, might you say. We both chose to make our male accounts the ones we'd mess with people on, then a seperate account, depicting our true selves. My cousin decided to stay on her real account, for she had made friends on there.

However, I took on the alias as a male named "Jack", a nineteen year old, from the UK. What began as a joke, because more and more serious as I acquired more "friends". It came to the point where I was the one every girl confided in. I gave them advice with other guys, helped them with real life situations, kept them from hurting themselves, I've even done their homework and essays for some. But, I don't regret it. Being on this game gave me a chance to escape from my real life, which was rather daunting at the time. You see, I was sexually abused as a child, and I think that's what allowed me to connect with women more than it allowed men. Aside from that, because I was more comfortable talking to women, I was more comfortable in confiding in them as well. I didn't pretend to be much of a different person, just a different Name, gender, and age, and some details about my family so thinks were kept more private.

Time went on, people began to question what I looked like and what I sounded like. I chose specific pictures which I knew I had limitlessly. When these were presented, I was asked to make "signs" for these people, to prove I was real. I began to edit the pictures on photoshop. Later, I had been asked by many of these girls to talk on the phone or get a microphone for Skype. Eventually, after enough practicing, I was able to form a deep voice along with a perfect British accent. At the age of fourteen, I had two cell phones. One for speaking to the gamers I knew, and one for my real life. It was hard keeping up with all of the virtual world. I almost had a schedule with these girls. Called them at designated times, and was ALWAYS texting. Sometimes I began keeping notes of everyone I talked to, and even saved all of my Instant Messaging conversations.

There were a few girls I really became connected to, but there was one in particular. I hate myself for ever hurting her, too. Emma. She was a wonderful, beautiful, had the most compelling mind, she was so smart for her age (15, at the time I was sixteen). She taught me a lot, not only about academics, but, about expression, feelings, being connected with yourself and others on a deep level. She allowed me to completely be myself. She was also the most fun person I've ever held a conversation with. We talked for quite a long time until it presumed to the "I love you" stage. I am straight in real life, no question about it, but, when saying it to her, it didn't feel wrong, because I knew I truly held that feeling for her. She was a huge part of my life in such a short matter of time, and I trusted her more than anyone in my life.

She was dating another boy in the game. Their relationship was trouble since I've known her. The first words I've ever spoken to her was "are you okay?"... Her reply, "no". And that's where it started. I let her tell me everything and anything, venting to me, explaining her day, EVERYTHING. Along with this, I'd tell her about my real life interests and days, troubles, feelings(just twisted a bit so it fit the life of a guy). I would mostly help her with her relationship with this other boy, who, unintentionally, hurt her A LOT. I told her everything and anything I thought about her, eventually, like every other girl in this game, she fell inlove with me. To this day she still loves me. But, whilst she was in a relationship with another boy, we would talk like we were in a relationship. Nothing sexual, just on an emotional level. There were times we expressed that we wanted to be with eachother or hold one another, kiss, but that's it. Nothing further.

After such a long time of knowing her the way I did, and acting like the male she knew me to be, I began to really take on the role of "Jack". Even thinking like I was him. Nothing ever happened between us more than just talking, because I always wanted what was best for her, and I had to respect her relationship with this other boy, who I had also befriended and helped when asked to. So there it was, I was known as the sweet, not innocent due to my real past, polite, nonjudgemental, always forgiving and accepting, person. Almost like a therapist. It was all me. But, covered by the false picture of an attractive 19 year old man.


Last year, I told every single one of these people the truth. They deserved to know, and after some intense depression, a mistake with alcohol and medication, and the ride home from a mental hospital, I called each and every one explaining what I had done, and who I really am. There were some I had lost, but a lot, actually, most of them, still talk to and care about me to this day. I felt so much better after I told them the truth. I was so consumed in the lies that I was beginning to fifer who I really was. I still don't know who I am, and that's okay, I'm only 18 yeears old now, anyway.

But, maybe, I really do have feelings for this girl, Emma. We talk about things the saame way we used to, and I still get the same feeling I used to as "Jack". I even get upset when people hurt her or she's feeling pain. There will never be a day that I'm not there for her though, I promise the world that.

Don't be afraid to tell the truth of it all, the gratification is worth it. Don't worry about the people you lose. Worry about the ones who stay through it all. They're the ones who matter.

It's not an addiction it's a disease.

well I'm glad you all seem to have a club going on here.But what about US? The women who fall in love with men who don't exist? Do you realize some of us get suicidal over these men? Wondering what is wrong with us that they won't move to the next level even though they claim to have the same feelings.what else can we assume but that it's a flaw in us? You all need serious help.It's not like you are doing this in a vacuum. We are real,our feelings are real.You have no right to "Play" with us this way.

It feels so good to know that I'm in the same situation as some other people. I honestly thought it was just me. I started about 2 years ago, and I did it as a joke with my friend, I guess I carried on because I loved the attention. It felt so good. I had some problems at home, and I was getting a bit depressed, so becoming a male and chattin' to other girls was helping me escape from the reality. I found it much more easier as a guy to talk to people. In real life, I'm shy, and I don't know how to carry on a conversation. And when I click online, it feels that I'm so confident. Something that I wish for in myself to be in real life. Though It feels good. I feel its wrong, and I feel that its just ruining my life a bit. And I'm maybe hurting others? If I could stop I would, but I don't know how to. I would have no where to escape. All this is starting to question my sexuality? Sometimes I think its a phase. But when I have a boyfriend, it all stops, and I feel completely straight. Weird.

surfer2 and februarydays that was rude! Can't you tell people are having a hard time???? It must be so hard for them 2 share these experiences.....and ur putting them down! I have never had an experience like this, but I admire that eveyrone here has shared their experiences not afraid of what people will say! It gave me the courage to share my own experience! Thanks a ton, and though it is wrong to do this, I think you are on the step to recovery, as admitting is the first step.

I am researching all of this because I have known a man for going on three years! I fell deeply in love with him and I wanted to marry this man! I am not a young woman I am a mother and I am one not to usually trust people but this man made me have blind faith when no one could! He gave me a story about him having issues and why he only had one picture up and could not call me or get on cam and I loved him and understood! The relationship took a sick turn when he would accuse me of so many things that I was not doing and I would do anything to prove it! To the point I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital! But I still loved him! I could not shake the love I had for him!! I left the internet for months and when I came back he told me he was now a father for the second time with a woman he had slept with a few days after we broke up! From that point things have just got more strange! I found out he lied about the pictures of his father and brother! That he was using the pictures of his assistant! Or so he said! The pictures of his son seem to be of a child much older then he claims and older pictures with baby gear that is from the past not now!! He also seems to have a life that is exactly like his assistant! Their lives were parallel! When I confront him he just tells me he has to hide for personal reasons! Things he has explained to me before and someday he will tell the truth! He has dated two woman the mother of his child and a legal aid of his lawyers! I again found these pictures online and said something he came up with another story each time! I also found the picture of his sister and again another explanation! His daughter has a dif last name as him the home he pointed out on google is in his assistants name! He did get to where he would talk to me on msn but only mic! But yet he would not let his sister talk only let her type! One time the cam came on and it looked like a young girl! It got shut down fast and he claimed it was his daughter and she had been upset that he was using the cam because they had a deal! There is so much more and its confusing! Because you can't find anything really about him online but some on his assistant! Some of what he says comes up as real... when it pertains to the assistant especially! But others don't! I am more worried he or she is sick! And maybe needs help to stop this! Of course I am hurt I love this man or who I thought he was! And it feels like a betrayal! I also am concerned he is using others identities or a combo of others and I don't want anyone hurt him included!! I am reading all your stories and I feel for both! The victims and the ones that have these issues! I pray you get help so others don't get hurt including yourself!! If anyone has more to elaborate please do I just need answers! I am now obsessed with finding out who he really is or she! I need to know who I fell in love with!!!

It's quite a feeling knowing theres others out there going through the same thing I've been going through for some time...I'm a male pretending to be a female..it began 2 years ago on the game WOW and got out of control. I'm 22 years old and would like to exchange voice recordings with any willing female so i can for once give my false identity a voice, just for once. Anybody willing to do this can contact me here via private message.

Same boat as everyone here. Except with the first girl i fell in love with, i admitted the truth after 2 yrs of talking online and voice calls. I had just lost my mum and i admitted the truth and she accepted it, she lived in america. So we began a distant relationship, it lasted 3 yrs. I created a character that was a big flirt, and a cheat. I created a cheater because i tried so many times to break it up, but when we met in reality she assumed i was attracted to all girls and she hated when guys were attracted to me. She became very persesive at the same time she was so understanding and loved me for who i was..the real character i was to her. Its been 6 yrs since we broke up but stay in touch from time to time, she is now with a 'real' guy and happy.

...although ive had a great experience and my wish came true, i find myself in the same position, with her friend..who i was introduced to by my ex when she thought i was a guy. So actually with this girl, ive known her for about 9 years, and i was flirting around with her while with my ex...but as they live in different countries i managed to keep things on the down low. Its a long story with ups and downs. But i so in love with this girl, and we have tried to stop the friendship/relationship because of my ex and obviously i wanted to end because she doesnt know the truth.

Its been 3 yrs i tried to stop everything, and every 6 months we get in touch, briefly and now we find ourselves back to the same situation. She now lives in America and wants me to visit her this summer and stop dithering about the relationship. She wants me to commit and see how things go. All i have been saying is yeah..i want the same and i will come. Because thats how i feel, but the reality is she will never accept the truth.

..i have let her down soo many times, i have hurt her, lied to her..but she still loves me deep inside and wants to meet. and i realise i am in some fairytale land, i cannot have the same luck twice and im so jealous i can never really have her.

Yes actually we people who do this are weak human beings who care nothing about our selves than the person we love. We dont want to loose them because we dont want to be alone, not giving these girls a chance to for something real. :(

i love this girl, after 9 yrs of chatting on and off...we both confess the same feelings...yet only i have the power to end it or not. its a dangerous game i cant give up easily.

******.

blusch me to .
Thanks for sharing

I'm currently in a situation like this and it has gotten to the worst it can get... I'm seriously dying to have someone to talk to about this... :/ if you're available to talk, please message me here with your email or anything else, I realized that I can pull away, but I can do it better when I have some or another person that at least knows about this problem I have in the world.. If you are a guy, you could probably help me end this in a week or a couple days, if you are a girl, you could help me from this sick feeling I feel everyday... It's so unfair ~

i have the same :/ its sick and wrong but it feels right at the time.. ive even been able to put on a boys voice over the fone and ive had 4 relatonships with girls threw IM and phone convos and been doin it since i was 16 im now 21.. i dont want this life why the f*** did i start it..