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I'm A Female Pretending To Be A Man Online


ivelostmyway ivelostmyway 18-21, F 129 Responses Nov 9, 2009

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HeyHey, I did the same thing. Pretended to be a guy (But not for fun) and I was that really popular guy that all the girls wanted. It's was brilliant. I found this one girl that I fell for and I was deeply in love with her (yes, I am a lesbian) but she was straight. I was terrified of telling her the truth, we were so close and we were dating for about 6 months. About 3 weeks before Valentines day I decided to tell her. She wasn't happy. She was hurt and heart broken. But she decided we could still be friends. So, if you really trust these "girlfriends" you have then if you do tell them who you are, they'll stay with you. It'll take time for them to trust you again but really, it's better than having to keep lying to them =)

Well i thought i could tell this girl the truth...and i thought we can try to be friends but since then we didnt spoke again

It's been quite a while since I told my ex girlfriend the truth. We haven't talked in months and I'm wondering if it's time for me to move on and delete my fake account. I'm just afraid that one day she'll need me and I won't be around to talk to her. Do you think I should delete it?. If so, should I send her a message to inform her that I won't be around any longer or should I just disappear and leave everything that happened between us in the past?.

I do the same...since one year and i really like her cause even if im in bad mood she cheers me up. Im straight but she is like my soulmate.....i really need someone to talk to

I pretended to be a man for nearly three years (I only told her the truth about five months ago). If you're still in need of someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message.

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I am a woman who is in love with a woman who pretends to be a man.
We have been in touch for over 7 years and we have even met, without me knowing that she was the one I was talking to all that while. She introduced herself as a friend of the man she said she was. I found out bit by bit, putting pieces together that wouldn't fit.
I have known for about 10 weeks now and I don't know how to tell her that I know. I am scared how she would react, scared that she'll disappear and never talk to me again. We're on two different continents, so it's not like I can drive by. I can't lose her. She's the love of my life. I've been in various relationships, I know what I want and need.

Has anybody of you girls who pretends/used to pretend to be a guy dealt with this situation that your counterpart told you they knew about your true identity? I want to be calm, warm, gentle about this. I want to tell her that I understand that life sometimes gets entangled. That I'm not mad. That I just wish we can be together without "him" in the middle. I don't know her motives for wanting to be a guy online and I don't know how much she would miss the male persona she's created. But I love her and I need to try and get the chance to hold her, hug her, kiss her one day. Can anyone of you give me some advice, please? I'm so sad - not because "he" is a she, but because we'll never be able to meet if this isn't clarified. I care for her so much - and I just want to be with her.
Thank you for listening.

This may not be a great answer to your question as I was the person in my situation who was pretending to be a male but I'll try my best to give you the best advice that I can. ^^

At the beginning of your confrontation message, you should tell her that you love her very much, you'll love her no matter what happens and nothing will ever change that. Then you should proceed to tell her about how you found out about her true identity. You should probably end the message by saying that you're not angry and you still want to be in a relationship because you love her very much.

I don't think that she'll cut contact with you over this. She was probably feeling very guilty about this whole situation for years and she will most likely feel relieved that she doesn't have to tell you the truth herself and that you're willing to accept her. I also don't believe that she'll miss her male persona. I was so glad to have finally gotten rid of mine but of course, I can't speak for her. Anyway, good luck!.

I agree entirely.

I have pretended to be a male online for 5 years. And my motives were always to find someone who was like me. To fill my void and to feel less lonely. I was scared of telling everyone who I was so I hid behind a male persona. But, I fell in love. My most recent love..She was the only one I told. Only because I was scared of leaving her like I did with all the rest. She was the love of my life. So, I told her..She was furious but did not lash out. She stayed with me..Although we broke up only a month ago after our meeting in person. She couldn't adjust..You love them. I'm sure they love you, otherwise they would have left. Tell them how you feel and ease into it..radiate warmth in your words, tell them that regardless of their gender, you want to be with them. Let them know that they will be accepted, because if they don't know that and aren't completely sure..They'll feel uneasy around you. Because I sure wish that my partner didn't leave me because they couldn't adjust but still needed me in their life..

Thank you for your replies. I couldn't do anything about the situation so far. She is still "he", and I play along. It's difficult. She makes love to me as "he" and I like it. I love it. I thought I knew sex (cybersex, for that matter) before, but compared to what I have with her, everything else was just **** and un-authentic. Ironic, I know. But everything with her feels real, so much real than when I was with guys and felt I needed to be pretty and perfect for them.
Things are ok, but last week I had a breakdown. I just want to see her. I want to meet her, hold her, love her. It's killing me that I can't. I could cry right now, but I'm telling myself that life is sending a message through all this. You can't force things. And I know how sensitive she reacts to being doubted. Just take this weekend: she went out of her hometown to a different place. She had told me where she's going, I looked it up on google maps and must have inserted something wrong. I was like "it's only half an hour from where you live, no?" - she said "I have already told you that it's 3 hours away. When I tell you the same thing 3 times and you still don't believe me, I feel like my credibility is at stake." She gets so upset when I question anything she says. How can I confront her about her not being "him" when she reacts like this even with small things? Whenever the focus of the conversation is about the general subject of truth/lie, she "freaks out". A while ago -knowing who she really was, already- I said "And if you have ever lied to me, it doesn't matter. I love you nonetheless, I will always love you, no matter what". And she started crying and said "Let me go now." It's not exactly encouraging. Same thing the other week. She had told me "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it's not that I want to keep you away from me, but I got caught up in a mess of my own creation." I knew what she was talking about. But she continued to explain the "mess" in other ways (job, health, etc.). I said things like "Well, I wish I could help you get rid of this weight. You know you can tell me anything. I can be your friend, girlfriend, whatever you like. And I can take up the male role at some point, if you like, but (I don't think I could fill it out as well as you do-" ---but I didn't get so say the last part as she went like "Ok, I'm sad now, let me go." I try to communicate on the level of both of us THAT KNOWS. I'm convinced that on a so-called subconscious level, she knows that I know. Or at least part of her does. I am trying to tell her all the things she needs to know for her to be honest with me. The worst part is that she says things like "I can't lie to you" ---but she does it every day. And she lies to herself as well. I feel discouraged, because it feels like she needs "him" more than me. To me it feels like she doesn't want to be with me as her, only as "him". It's painful. I feel like I will lose her if I tell her that I know. This is so twisted! I shouldn't have to fear losing her as I am not the one who is lying about their identity. I don't want to live in fear. It's exhausting me. But I can't leave. I wouldn't. I can't. I have tried in the past, to leave "him", before I knew who she really was --- it was horrible and painful and lasted for about 6 months, then we were in touch again and ever since then I feel like the draw to her/"him" is so strong that I can't do anything about it. And I don't want to. I love her. I love her even MORE and easier and more relaxed and more whole-heartedly now that I And she's a great person. She really made it in life. I learn from her. I love and I learn. She reads poetry to me, she falls asleep with me, she lets me share my thoughts and feelings --- I wish she would let "him" go. I can't confront her, because whenever she feels I get close to the topic of her identity, she withdraws (see above). She literally runs away "I'm sad, let me go." And then I have to beg her to stay. I don't know what to do. The sex with her is awesome, you can't even call it sex, it's love-making. She gives me everything I ever wanted. And she is exactly what I asked for in life. But she won't let me see her. How can she, right? What is the motivation to start all this? If I knew what made her start to pretend being a guy, I would know better what to do --- and I could estimate the consequences of confrontation better. I wish she would find it within herself to clarify everything - I keep telling her "I love you, no matter what. You can tell me anything. I am your counterpart, your best friend. I am your girlfriend, but I am also your friend. You know you can trust me, right?" A while ago she started saying "I am worried about you, so worried that you're making my breasts grow." She then was explaining that she said it that way because sometimes she feels like she's mothering people. When I still thought she was "him", I found this so strange and unfitting, now I find it sweet and amusing. And I say things like "I love you no matter what, breasts or no breasts." I even dared to say "Oh, since you have breasts too, may I kiss them? That would be such an exciting new experience." She said something along the lines of "Oh god". I said "Ok, I don't have to touch your breasts. I don't have to touch you at all. Holding you and kissing you would be more than enough." You see, we DO talk about this without openly talking about this. What can I do? She's 35, I'm 32. We're not teenagers. We're two intelligent women. How is all this possible?
If you have any comment, any advice, or -especially- if you would like to tell me about your motivation to pretend to be a guy online, please do. I'd appreciate it. Thank you for reading this long post. I know it's kind of cluttered, I apologize.

P.S.: Again: I love her. More than anything. She is the one. How can I undo/help her undo this mess in a gentle way, without scaring her away, without losing her? I can't lose her. I am her and she is me. And I am hers.

Speaking out of my experience. It is very hard to disconnect yourself from your persona. I found it extremely difficult. He became apart of me, this false character became apart of who I was because it was me but hiding behind something I admired. Even when my best friend ( ex ) said the things in which you say to her, there is always doubt. Loads of doubt and anxiety. She always use to say " I love you, no matter what. We're soul mates and we'll always be together. Believe me " And look at where were at, although she stills says " I love you " sometimes.. It's not the same anymore. I cry over her every night because she left me, your partner probably fears something like that will happen. My motivation was to find someone who could love me and rely on me. I was uncomfortable with myself so I created him. I fell in love. Over and over again, but I never learned until now. When I found someone who was utterly perfect for me..left. And now I know. To never step into his shoes again. Yea, I'm only 18. But I've never been so miserable. Which says a lot. Again, I will stress the importance and radiating plenty of warmth. Tread lightly on the topics that may send her into an uneasy state of mind. You have to confront her, after telling her how much you love her. How much she means. Then spill it, gently. And if she leaves, you have to reassure her because having no security in something like that is the worst. Remind her of why you love her, tell her that regardless..You'll be by her side. She's extremely lucky to have someone who will love her and remain by her even after her lies.

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I have finally told my ex internet girlfriend (we're still talking and are friends) that the picture I have sent her nearly a year ago was not me, that I'm so sorry and I don't expect her to ever forgive me. I have left her that message about a a half an hour ago and she hasn't replied to me despite being online. Not that I deserve a reply anyway. I still haven't managed to tell her that I'm a female though. I'm just glad that I have taken the first step to freeing myself of the guilt that I feel on a nearly daily basis. I have become a lot more paranoid since telling her that picture I sent her was really a picture of my friend. Whenever any of my family members approach me, I feel like they're going to scold me. Even typing this is making me kind of anxious.

You have to tell her once she replies. I know that feeling, I told my girlfriend almost two months ago..Although we're best friends now, it feels so much better being able to be yourself. If you lose them, I am sorry..But it has to be done.

Thank you for your response ^^. I shall tell her when she replies to me which may not be for a long time as she doesn't tend to read any of the long messages that I send her. I'm usually just rambling whenever I send her long messages anyway. I'm glad to see that you have been able to overcome this problem. I wish you the best of luck in the future

Update: I'm sorry if this is bothersome to some people but I have a few things to get off my chest. My ex girlfriend wasn't too upset over me sending her a fake picture. She responded by saying "You lied to me :(. Oh well, I always thought that you would be cuter than him anyway". Then when I sent her a really apologetic message about me being a girl she replied by saying "I can't tell if you're being serious or not...". I told her that I was being serious, she hasn't replied yet. I know that message was really simple but it made me want to curl up into a ball and be engulfed by a black hole. I feel absolutely awful right now. Hopefully, she will let me off easy this time as I have told her about my mental problems and my somewhat traumatic childhood. I wouldn't count on it though. Telling her the truth hasn't been all bad. For the first time in two years, I have a clean conscience. I had completely forgotten how good it feels to not have any secrets. Whenever I get offline, I feel happy as I no longer have anything to hide but whenever I'm online, I feel like I'm Hitler.... It's an odd feeling.

You did the right thing. Ol and in RL. Feel guilty free in both. You can only learn from your mistakes, promise yourself to never do it again (and really mean it) then move on.

Good luck with her next response and feel free to on me of you need someone to talk to :)

Thank you so much!. I'm certain that I'll never do this again. Creating fake accounts has done nothing but set me back in life and made me feel like I was drowning in guilt. I haven't got a response from her yet. Perhaps she needs time to let this revelation sink in. She hasn't blocked me or anything like that.
I'd love to speak with you ^^. This has been a pretty difficult experience. I'm feeling a more at ease than I was yesterday

This will probably be my last update. I'm sorry if I'm kind of clogging up this section of Experience Project. I think that I'm coming to the end of this stage in my life. Please bare with me >.<
I still haven't heard from her. I'm starting to think that she won't reply to me at all. That's probably better for both of us as arguing with her would upset me immensely and it would probably make her feel just as terrible. Thankfully, she has gained a lot of friends recently so perhaps they could help her cope with me being a liar. I have nobody to help me cope or to talk except the people of EP who are lovely and pretty awesome.
My state of mind has changed a lot since I made that post four days ago. I feel like I've become a better person as a result of this experience (that may or may not be true). I believe that I can only improve upon myself and become more wise after seeing the results of a series of awful mistakes that I have made two years ago that have haunted me since. In conclusion, I'm feeling optimistic about the future. All of the negativity hasn't completely left my mind though. I had a dream a few days before my confession about me telling her the truth and she responded by calling me ugly and suing me. Can people do that?. Sometimes, I'm half expecting an angry ex girlfriend to be at my doorstep whenever my doorbell rings

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I honestly thought no one else in the world could possibly have messed up their own lives more than me; or even been in the same situation as me. I'm a girl and I'm 21 years old. My whole life I've had to move around the world because of my father's demanding job. This caused me to have trouble adjusting in the places I moved to and the people I meet. When I was 13, I started to turn to online gaming as a way to talk to others and reach out to the world. It began as a little white lie when someone asked me if I was a boy and from there it spiraled onward into a bigger mess. In these past 8 years I have had many online girlfriends and stress because of it. I have spent money on these games buying memberships and basically getting sucked into being friends and more with these girls who think I am such an awesome guy. I used to rely on these online friends even more than my real life friends just because it seemed easier. I even thought that my feelings for these girls were real and I partly still do because of how connected I feel towards them. One day I just couldn't take it anymore. I decided to tell the girl who I used to be with and still liked the truth. I told her in a text 'I'm not who I say I am' and when she asked what do you mean? I said 'I'm someone else' I told her who I am. My real name was all I had to tell her because everything else I ever told her was true. She surprised me by also telling me that she isn't who she said she was either. She then confessed that she was still a girl but just not from where she said she was from.. and actually from the same place as me. I couldn't believe it. We talked for hours and in the end she wanted to still be with me. During my time of lies I had used pictures of a guy I used to know, but I finally caved and sent her a real picture of me. She did too and we decided to meet in real life. We're together now and even though things are a bit shaky at times because of the awkwardness from all we have been through, I just wanted to tell you all that it can happen. That person who you are lying to... CAN STILL LOVE YOU. I don't know what will happen in the future. I don't think of myself as a lesbian but I guess I have her as an exception because I really do love her. My only problem now is I have to stop playing that game where I still have a boy character and still am in another relationship! I am addicted to it and I have no idea how to pull myself away from it. I know it's an awful waste of money. I have tried several times to end it with the other girl but it resulted in a mess and the girl who I am with could tell that I wasn't ok, but I couldn't tell her why because I didn't want her to feel hurt about it. I feel like things in my life could be perfect if I pull myself away from that game even though it will hurt to begin with and that other girl will hate me for it. I HAVE to ignore it. I'm going to try at the end of summer and make up some excuse about my family not allowing me to be online anymore. Or not having the money. I'm not sure yet but this has helped me to share... so if anyone read this, thank you.

I'm not being disrespectful in anyway, but has anyone felt sexual feelings for the person they were lying to? I really need to know because I'm getting scared that I'm not actually a lesbian like I thought I was. My first and only love was someone I "catfished". I fell completely in love with her and imagined making love to her all of the time as the guy to make it "not gay".

What is "the love" you feel for these people?

do female bodies turn you all on or male? only female bodies turn me on but I'm so scared it's only because I WANT to be attracted to women.

Yes!! I did l this and 10 yrs on i still do. She's moved on and don't speak to me now we used to speak 24/7 even on phone. I'm come out as trans and I am transitioning to male but i was female when I did this. I can't get her out my head it's like a part of my life that's stuck!

I've been doing the same thing. I absolutely adore this person I'm with but I've lied for around 9 months..But for 4 years in general before this. I've been trapped and I wanted to escape but I kept falling. I have lied but all of my feelings are sincere. I realized that I am bi due to all of this and so is this person. I want to tell them but I'm afraid of losing the love of my life. They want to meet but I always have to make up a bullcrap lie..I would kill to spend a day with them. Again, I am so scared of them hating me but honestly, I deserve it. I was afraid of people so I hid behind a persona..This persona became who I am basically. I have no one but my love..I don't even know if I could cope with losing them because of my young stupidity.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. At least you can blame it on being young. And you sound fine to me as you are. Moreover, your love is bi so will probably forgive you as he/she will still find the real you attractive. Feel free to pm me anytime. Im a good listener and cannot possibly judge :)

That would be great but I'm far too scared to do it. Whenever I feel like it; it feels as if I'm going to puke and I immediately shut up. They've been lied to before by friends and can't even forgive them. Imagine this? I just..I don't know. I lack the backbone to do it and my time is gonna run out soon with them because they WANT to meet. I don't know how to escape..

Im going through the exact the same problem.
I know exactlly what you mean by " I hid behind a persona..This persona became who I am basically" thats me.
I lied for 7 years now. it all started as a game but i fell in love, and now I cant move on, i don't like people in real life because noone compares to her. i need closure and i know the only way to do that is by telling the truth, but Im actually phisicaly ill right now just thinking about telling her and her reaction. I just don't want to lose her. I know i have to say the truth but I just can't.

From the way you describe it, it does sound that you are thansgender like me and it is the persona that is the authentic you, whereas the female version of you that everybody else sees, is the fake person that you were forced to create when you were a child.

And the reason why nobody compares to her, is that she's the only one who saw you as the real you.

I would say wait till your illness passes then tell her..I told her a month ago and we ended up meeting in person two weeks ago. Although they broke up with me two days after our meeting, I'm glad I'm not living with the guilt. But not having her as my own..It does bother me to no end. You have to tell her..Give yourself a chance with her..

And if you need someone to talk to, don't be afraid to pm. I'm here to help you if you need it

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I'm doing the same thing. I have an account as a boy and I'm falling for this girl, but I'm a girl. I'm straight, not lesbian, but I hate myself and who I am so I thought maybe I can make a personality of someone else and just be them. I still have my account as a girl because I made so many great friends on there so I switch between them. i know I'll never get the courage to tell this girl who I really am but I've given her hope and I've given her a chance at life and even if it's not really me who's done that, I'm glad somebody did

The problem is that when it ends age will lose that hope. That could be in one week or month or year etc but it will happen and the longer you leave it, the harder it is. You are not a bad person though. You just need to get out of this bad decision. Don't be stupid like me. Leave her a message with the truth then delete the account. If I had to do it over again then that's what I would. I hope everything works out ok and if you need someone to listen then I am here. Just pm me. I know it's so hard but you can do this. I promise :)

Hi, I honestly thought I was the only one. And I did it by accident. I started playing this online geeky war game when I was in hospital. Everyone just presumed I was a guy and then, once I became the leader of a team, I couldn't say as I was seen as this strong guy. That's was fine though as it was only a game or so I thought. Then I met this woman. We started one night on group chat and she messaged me and told me something personal. I felt I needed to tell her something personal back. So I did. However, this quickly escalated. We talked all the time. She made me laugh and we got on so well. Ofc, she then asks me about my wildest fantasy. I panic but - thinking as a guy - I make one up. She loves it and send me something even more erotic back. So I panic even more. And I try to pull back. It's only been 3 days but she says that she can't just be my friend. And I stupidly give in. But I don't share any more fantasy for a while (in total there were two). I could easily avoid talking about that stuff. So we were really just best friends then we had a fight. A big fight. And before I realised it, I had told her I loved her. I couldn't remove the message so just waited for her response. When she got back on, I asked if she could forget it but she said that she couldn't. That she felt similar. It was another two weeks before she said the words but I was over the moon. So happy. By now I started to fantasise I was him and my life with her. I was screwed. But I wasn't thinking of the consequences. She thought we were soul mates. And I would and have done everything for her. When she was broke, I lent her money. When her family fell apart, I was there for her. There were lots of ups and downs. But we were happy. And she wanted to meet me after just 3 months. She got angry when I was resistant so I said I had booked tickets. Ofc, now we had an end point. I thought about just writing her a confession and selling my phone. She needed to hear the truth. But after two lack lustre ex husbands and being a badly treated other woman, I didn't want her to drop her standards again. I had given her confidence to bloom into the beautiful woman I knew she was. Everyone noticed how happy she was. She has the most heart melting smile. She is funny and smart. And she has a big heart. But low self esteem. So I thought (very stupid) that killing him off was a better solution. That way she would stop seeing guys who took for granted and have the standards to get the guy she deserves. Well, that was the most stupid mistake ever. I came on as a family member to check she was ok and she was distraught. Didn't have anything to live for and was thinking of killing herself. So I tried to fix it (well, once you are in a hole keep digging). I have slowly managed to get her back on track. The plan worked in essence. She misses him terribly but now thinks she maybe can move on for the right guy a year and half later. There is only one rub, I'm now her best friend. She is dependant on me. This not only hurts me (although I really do deserve it) but it means I need to keep lying to her. Square one plus almost two years. And, if I leave her, I'm worried about how she will cope. Im all she has in this world.


Someone please email me:

I've been doing this for 10 years of my life pretending to be a boy when I'm actually a girl and straight. I've had several relationships, faked as 3 different boys but the last one really got me into such a whirlwind of devastation when I got caught into a serious relationship that has lasted 5 years and 8 months and ongoing. It tears me up, I've lied to her about so much but not once about how I feel for her. I feel sick that I've fallen for a girl as I indulge my entire mentality into that boy I created. She doesn't suspect me because I have pictures and the real boy is a tool for me. Whenever she wants a picture I ask him to send one to the real me. He's goodlooking but a cheater and a deceiver. Most boys are. I'm not ugly by any means and have many guys coming up to me, hitting one me and trying to sleep with me. This I find so morally wrong that it has thrown me into a pessimistic cynical state of never being able to trust men which is why I created this perfect individual who is so flawed in every way that I personally am. My personality is that of his.

I can fake a boy voice so well especially through years of practice and by naturally having an alto voice.
It has gotten so bad that I would get on webcam with the real guy just to record his video clip and then use it to get on webcam with the girl I love. She has suspected me on several occasions but every time I banked on the fact that she trusts me.

I'm not a bad person arguably of course I am bad in that I have done this to another human being yet I am not bad in any other fashion in my life. I have helped her through so much emotionally, mentally and even physically by sending her money for rent, supporting her through university, helping her get a job, helping her family when they needed financial help desperately.

I lied about my family about my mother who I said was dead who as my own self both parents are still alive. In reality I have a brother who did molest me when I was a teenager however I believe it was a lapse of judgment and never will happen again albeit I believe it isn't the right thing to do nor is it justifiable. She thinks that I (him) has a sister who died because she tore me and broke my heart and outcasted me for no reason as she was going through a rough patch in her life and I felt so hurt I made up the death of another to gain sympathy just as I have made up several different situations of me (him) ending up in hospital.

I have had phone sex with her, webcam sex with her (using that guys video clips of explicit motion) and I have pressured her for these things in the past as I led myself to believe that my alter ego really existed and that I could not (and neither could she) afford to lose him as part of her life.

As I created my own world of this alter ego I stopped socialising with people, drifted away from friends and this all came very easy as I moved out of the country away from my family for studies over a 5 year period so I always lived alone. Now I have no friends no confidence and no idea on how to start back again.

I've completely ****** this one up as I care about her so much she's confided in me things such as her being raped which made me not want to leave in the initial point of our relationship. I've tried to break it off on several occasions feeling like I'm killing myself and killing her in the time being by giving her false hope however her life seems so dramatic as her sister always ends up in hospital for being suicidal, her family always took advantage of her and she always needed someone to be there for her whether it was to bail her out financially or to support her emotionally.

I have met her as a friend of his (the real me) and was completely devastated as she felt that he (me) had left her to the hands of some stranger as she travelled across the Atlantic to meet him. I cried everyday she was there with me over two weeks always wanting to tell her but never being able to bring myself to doing it. I felt that she needed me and even now I feel that she needs me or at least she needs the person I have created. She used to threaten to kill herself if I left her so I never did. Now she doesn't but she's an emotional wreck. She will not ever be with me as who I am because she is strictly straight, and by knowing her I know she isn't into the kind of person I am - a petite Chinese girl who faked being a white British boy. And I wouldn't blame her but to think that I would risk everything that I am is devastating.

I want to visit her as me again (his friend) to confess to her and come clean and yes I am absolutely petrified. I lie to my parents about why they should let me go alone as I currently live on the opposite side of the world from her. They have no idea what's going on as I lie about being in love with some guy they just started hearing about. I want to come clean to her and express how I feel for her. She will not forgive me but inside I wish she does so badly. It kills me to think that this was all pretend and that it never will and never can be the truth.

She said she has fallen in love with the person that I am and the truth is the person that I am truly is me personality and character but more important my love for her. I am risking everything I have and everything that I am to confess to her as I could lose my future career, my family, my life but she has to know.. She just has to..

I really need help and I need advice please tell me if I should confess. She hasn't been the best to me at times voluntarily hurting me, ignoring me, getting drunk and arrested. But I feel that she is an amazing person and I don't know how I would cope. I'm straight she's straight. I fooled myself into separating my emotions as a girl and a guy that I fell in love with her as a guy but seeing as that guy is me I myself feel for her uncontrollably. I can't eat I can't sleep and I've been crying for over a year now for almost every day. I get so jealous and envious of those around her because I know I can never be them to her and I can never be the person she wants me to be. It goes to the point where I fear her ending up with another man and moving on with her life together with him. God I know it's selfish but I can't help how much I love her it makes me want to kill myself and I will if she doesn't accept me for who I am. That's how much I would sacrifice because yes I know it is wrong for me to have lied and deceive for so long I know people would classify me as inhumane and I don't blame you at all.

Please just help me make this decision of whether or not to confess to her knowing it will kill her entirely as she fell in love with this guy so crazily beyond comprehension for a dedicated period of 5 years and 8 months. She was there when my grandmother died, my grandaunts died, my dog died, when I was being stalked (in real life but I twisted the story so she believed it was the guy part of me being stalked), and everything else imagine able as have I been there for her when she was kicked out of her home by her mother, her grandmother, I helped her move out, be strong over her distant father who doesn't give a **** about her, her suicidal sister, her financial problems, her emotional and mental problems, her school work, her work life, everything...

Please help me make the right choice whether it is the right thing to do.. To come clean... And why you think so..

Hi dear, i know that you did not mean to harm anybody and just got carried away.... Well, you are in love... You should come clean to her, that way, AT LEAST you would have a chance to be with her.... If you don't you could NEVER have that chance... If she loves you so much, she might, just might accept you... This comes from a girl who once thought (or wanted) to be straight... But the love of my life is a girl.

Somebody please msg me. I need help. I need to hear from people in the same situation. I am a female pretending to be a male on a game. I thought I was the only one doing this up until now. I'm heartbroken over it and so ashamed. I broke it off with my "gf" today, but I am so sad because I broke her heart. I truly do love her. Developed real feelings for her. She is so precious, but I just don't want to give her false hope. It's sooooo wrong. I just don't understand why I am doing it. Why is it so addicting? Why can't I just be me? Everything was true but my gender. ughhhhh

I don't mean to hurt people, I didn't even mean to carry on this way, but after I tried it so I could play games without guys hating me, I sort of became addicted and created male profiles on practically everything

You guys are totally unfair in thinking this is okay and carrying these relationships on. I met a "guy" 3 years ago. He was the perfect man. Charming, good looking and attentive. We were firstly friends. I got pregnant by my then boyfriend who then dumped me and left me pregnant. This "guy" I'd met asked if he could step up and look after us and if I'd give him a try and be his girlfriend. I didn't have anything to lose so I went with it. After two years of me sticking by him with his troubles. Also enduring the endless excuses of him not turning up on meet days because of his tourettes or ocd, I had enough. My son adored him as did I. Something always felt not right. His first excuse after arguments of me saying he wasn't who I said he was, was that he was married. It hurt but I asked him to choose us and he apparently did but didn't turn up again. Eventually after being so depressed and down over it I had a huge argument which in turn had this person tell me they were a girl. I am in bits. I have a child who wants to speak to this person on the phone. I have no confidence and I'm seriously depressed. Please don't do this to people. It's someone's life and someone's emotions you are toying with. I thought I had a family and now I don't.

<p>&nbsp;<p>You guys are really odd. Here you have so many guys out there who are dying to give girls attention, especially in online games. Gamer girls are like idols to the male masses who play these games. And yet you fake being the male gender. Not only this but the secrecy and lies tear you apart. I am a guy, and I believe I'm qualified to know how guys generally react to girls online. Whenever I create a female character online - just because I enjoy looking at a female 24/7 instead of a hairy, old man - I don't even have to do anything to get the men hitting on me. And that's a real pain for someone who's a guy and one of the straightest arrows in the quiver. In a way my own straightness has gotten me into the situation I found myself in before I came to this site. Women online are a luxury. And men online are a dime a dozen. We don't need women acting like men, too. The balance is already tipped. It'd just be a pain to tip it any more. You're valuable more than you know. So you should drop this act and be who you were born to be. I think you would find you'd still get more attention than you want.</p><p></p>

But when I was playing on the computer with guys in my school who knew I was female, after I beat them, they locked me out of the computer room and said they hated me :(

everyone im now doin what you were doin. or may still be. im ftm transgender and i didnt make an acount to be a real boy or anything like that, i made a fan page and i saw the most beautiful girl ive seriously ever seen, so i deiced to ask for her kik and she gave me it and we talked for the longest time and we both started havin really deep feelings for eachother, so we dated. she broke up with me after a while and that was that. we do skype and stuff like that because i try to pass as a boy so she doesnt really notice anything ever. now/today im madly inlove with her we have this connection i dont think i can ever have with any one else. but its not right i cant lie to her about me bein biologically a girl im so scared shes gonna do something to her self, i deserve anything she does or says to me i put it to far i just thought i should say that and it feels good that i am gonna tell her im just scared for her

and i ment i cant lie to her a about a male when im not biologically

You wouldn't be lying, my dear. But you will need to inform her at some point. If you'd like, I can direct you to some transgender pamphlets and sites that might be helpful.

I've been doing the same thing for almost 4 years up until now!

I won't tell how it started but I fake profiles and identities all the time. I've had a lot of friends all over the internet and got really close to them. It's just that, I can easily open up to them unlike the people I met in real life, I can express myself online not being awkward and can even have great conversations. It's not like I'm shy in real but I just find it more comfortable attempting to be someone, someone I attain to be.

I've been doing the same thing since I was 9. But it's always been the same person I've pretended to be. And I am a female pretending to be a gay male online. I met this one "guy" online and I really fell for him hard. Turns out he was a she, at first I was furious at her for breaking my fake world.. but I continued to talk to her as 'him'. I've never wanted to come clean and now she's figured me out... the only way I can think to get rid of this obsession is for her to know the truth.. but it is too painful. I just want to know why I want to be this guy so bad... sometimes I feel crazy. I just want to love who I really am.

I've been doing this for years.I'm not a lesbian either,but I had feelings for every single girl I've ever talked to.This time though things got worse.I've been talking to this girl for like a couple months and I really really like her.Well the thing is,she's in love with me.I can't keep pretending like this,it really makes me feel just so bad but I can't leave her either.She's always like begging me not to leave her.The poor girl is actually depressed and she always says I'm the only one who can make her feel better and that she doesn't know what she'd do without me.She even told me she'd kill herself if I ever stopped talking to her.We both live in the same country so she said she's going to come to visit someday so I really just can't pretend anymore.I don't know how to put an end to this without hurting her.

Okay okay. To answer your first problem: Sexuality, Gender, and a whole heap of other things aren't a set strict rule in a person. Instead of thinking about it as being 'gay' or 'straight', think of it on a slider bar. You're not a lesbian, but you can be attracted to girls, because your sexuality is on a sliderbar, not a ledger. Heck, even day to day, the slider bar shifts. You're not attracted to every guy you meet in the world, that doesn't make you a lesbian. So it's the same the other way around.

Secondly. That girl is most definitely manipulating you. Whether she knows she's doing it or not. Threatening to kill herself if you leave her is a manipulation tactic. So is a lot of the rest of it: like telling you that you're the only one that cares about her. This can lead to an emotionally abusive relationship. These are really big signs that she will becoming, and is already being emotionally abusive. Just because she believes you're a guy doesn't mean that you deserve emotional abuse.

In conclusion: I've been in an emotionally abusive relationship before. Looking back, I can see the signs, and I wish I had have listened to them and gotten out of it straight away. But I felt like I deserved it because I let her down a long time ago. I didn't deserve it, though. There's no point in arbitrary punishment. Don't set yourself up to have that happen to you.

There is no way not to hurt the emotionally abusive one in the relationship. The only thing you can do is promise yourself you won't go down with her. Promise yourself. because she will drag you down with her. Let's do some cold maths. If someone's being self destructive would you rather they only took themself out, or another person as well? You're that other person. If it's too hard to tell her you're leaving because she'll manipulate you by chucking a fit and going off to kill herself, leave quietly. If you think you can do it without letting her manipulate you, tell her exactly why you're leaving, that you won't be manipulated, and if she does say she's going to die, call the ambulance. I repeat, call the ambulance, wash your hands of it, and cut ties. Right. Now. Don't look back. Don't be this woman's pillar of salt. It may be really hard, and it may be sad. She may be very sick and pitiable. But those people are like natural disasters. You can't stop a tornado by loving at it and having a relationship. You need to get out of the way. One day maybe, she might be able to exist without using fear tactics to trap you, maybe she won't. If she's suicidal and so invested in you, she's not ready for a relationship anyway.

You have a chance to be the bigger person. Heck, you've even got an easy out on your bad decision to pretend to be a guy.

Take it. The rest of these guys here don't have that chance. They're gonna have to do it the hard way.

Please read this. Please.

Thank you.You just made my day.

Also,she's not really threating to kill herself if I stop talking to her,she said I'm the only reason for her to stay alive and that without me she'd have nothing else to live for.However,that still makes me feel bad and I'm pretty sure it would make me feel guilty if she killed herself,no matter the reason.

I'm also kind of depressed so we're helping each other,or something like that.She's really nice and she always worries about me,which kind of made me get a bit too attached to her.I think.I don't really know how to explain this thing that me and her have,it's quite complicated.

*hugs* Aw, I'm glad I helped somewhat. All relationships are complicated. But it still sounds like you've both got problems that you can figure out. I think you still need to do something about the fact that she thinks you've got different anatomy, though. It might be good to lay all your thoughts out in a letter to yourself, and start out speaking to yourself how you would her. Make sure you do it in increments, so it's not a lot of devastating pressure at the get go. Look up Transgender, not because you are one, I don't know if you are, but it has a lot of information on how to tell someone you're still the same person, but your privates are shaped a little differently than they think. Hopefully this will help. You can do this. Make sure you're up on the uptake, though, so you can answer any questions she has easily.

I'm pretty sure telling her will help the relationship forward, whereas right now, it'll stagnate. Because she won't ever be able to see you. And I know deep down in your subconscious, that possibly sounds really safe to you, and in case that is what you're feeling, I have to tell you, that is a most dangerous feeling. It can make people do very hurtful things.

I see a lot of people talking about "not being a lesbian". Why are you all putting labels on yourselves? Just because you like this girl doesn't mean your gay. You should tell her the truth, and yes it is going to be hard. If she honestly cares about you (like she says she does) and you care about her, things could possibly work out. Just a little advice, I believe its possible to fall in love with anyone, gender has nothing to do with love.

1 More Response

I've been doing this for a long long time now.
I have so many online identities that are boys, and it's getting harder and harder to keep up with them.

I've made the greatest friend ever as a guy, and I really liked him... Like, like-liked him... So I had to make a girl identity just to ask him out, I was so happy when he said yes.

Now I feel sick to my stomach thinking about telling him the truth... We've just been friends for so long and I don't know what I'd do if he hated me...

I wish I was one of those people who can tell the truth and get over it, but I'm not.
I've lost friends because of this, I've even accidentally posted something on another chat window that I as a boy would say, my friend had nothing to say and I had to think up an excuse quick.

I don't regret pretending to be a guy, cause I met my best friend. I only regret not telling him sooner who I really was.... And now there's no way I can tell him. He'll think of me as some freak.

Hey, sweety. I'm sorry to tell you this, but the pain you're feeling won't stop until you stop this. You need to figure out how to stop it, and stop it. Would you like horrible pain for the rest of your life, or just a moment of agony and then it's over? If you can't get over it afterwards, it won't be as much pain as what's happening now. It's like a shot, or a bandaid. It hurts, but it needs to be done.

I have been doing the same thing since i was 9. I quit and deleted all my profiles when I was 15, because my online friends were fed up with me being always vague about calling and skyping.

So when I was 17, I got extremely busy with school and piano practice. I was so busy, that I had lost a big amount of friends and I started to prank people from an online chatsite. My profile was a guy, because i thought it would be easier to be a random pranking guy than a weirdo girl pranking on people.

But then I met this amazing girl, and we felt so connected from the start. We've been in a "relationship" for 9 months now. And I really feel like i need to come clean or stop this, even though it will kill both of us. I am not lesbian, but I did fall in love with this girl.

I am so extremely embarrassed to come clean to her, and I don't know if i am able to. I am so afraid that I will hurt her so much. She's extremely sensitive and someone else did this to her before.

I know it is really stupid and dumb of me, but it was just a joke and it lead to something really big :( It felt really awkward saying immediately "yeah so hey im not actually a guy, bye" I just thought we would talk less eventually like I do with most people.

I know exactly how you feel :( The connection is soooo powerful.

I was doing the exact same thing, and it all started in 2010 and lasted until today. I'm 12 right now and I still use guys sometimes on this virtual world called Habbo Hotel. <br />
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My first account was a girl and I got used to using her for a good 3 months or so. But one day I decided it would be funny to pretend to be a guy and trick girls into thinking I was actually a guy. Unfortunately, it got out of hand until I realized how fun it was to be the perfect, funny guy that all the girls loved. Ever since I was 5, I thought that I was a lesbian because I wanted to be a boy and have girlfriends. My mom used to be like that, so I know it's genetic, but she's now married to my dad and has 3 kids. The online thing though, started to get out of control each day when I actually got into romantic relationships with girls. I cannot tell you how many fake accounts I made. I just loved being the perfect guy. At one point, one of my 'girlfriends' asked if we could webcam and I kept making up excuses and she seemed suspicious. I've broken up a lot of time with my 'girlfriends' because I feel guilty and think that this is all wrong. <br />
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A few months ago, I thought of the perfect idea. I found a British social website called and made a fake account there. Some of the girls found out I was stealing pictures, but most of them believed me. I also made a Kik Messaging account and made more and more each day. <br />
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Then my brother caught me doing this and told my mom and she yelled at me like you cannot believe. I felt terrible for being so creepy and being a liar, so I stopped with the thing. I still continued using Kik Messenger and Habbo Hotel though. To this day, I still pretend to be somebody else I'm not. I read some of the stories on here and just fell down to my knees crying. I just feel so ashamed about all this.

Okay, sweetie, take a deep breath. You need to go and tell somebody you're doing this. You should not have been allowed to make accounts when you were 5 in any case. If you don't feel like you can tell your mum, go and tell a school councilor, or somebody. Because you're 12, and you don't know who you are yet. You're just making some bad descisions, darling. But it needs to stop now. It should have stopped when your mum found out. Because it's not about you lying and being creepy, it's about you hurting others.

If you are only pretending to be a boy online, but are not in anything romantic, that means it hasn't gone far. That's not so bad. It may be you're experimenting, or transgender.

If it has gone further, at all, it needs to stop right now. Because that's not being a creepy liar, that's hurting someone else. Take the shame you're feeling, and imagine that is how someone else will feel when you do this thing.

That's what makes pretending to be someone you're not online bad. The hurting other people.

So go get some help, sweety, please? I know you're really brave, and I know you can do this. Heck, you were good enough to be a boy online, you're clever enough to do this. All the best.

I too did the same thing.. I feel really bad about it, again it started when I was young and I couldn't stop. The girl I was 'with' left the site and we had to text and email.. And she ended it a while back well just disappeared and I miss speaking to her.. I don't know what to do

I'm having the same problem now, but not with romantic relationships. I just have really close friends who write stories on a website like I do, and I love talking to them but I can't reveal anything to them. I feel like I've given them a few hints about the truth, but they haven't confronted me about it or anything. I tried my best to avoid lying about any part of my identity besides my gender, but that's been difficult as people start to want to know more about you, what you look like, etc. I tried to be as anonymous as possible in order to accomplish this. However, two of my older online friends found out the truth...only, it was rather early on and they weren't angry about it or anything. I explained things to them, and they promised to keep my identity a secret. They didn't even urge me to tell the truth!

Thing is I want to get out of this and while I regret lying to them and feeling this guilt, I had so much fun being a guy and being as unrestrained as I wanted. As a girl, I wouldn't be as comfortable using my real identity to joke around with strangers the way I want to. I became almost more like myself when i created this cool, funny male alter ego.

Also, when I began this, part of the reason was so I could detach my writer's identity from my real identity, and changing my gender was a good way to do that.

I want to tell my friends the truth before things get any bigger and people get hurt, but I don't want to ruin what I have now. I don't want to be rejected and hated, and surprisingly, I don't want to lose this part of myself that's almost as important to me as my real self. This has been going on since May, and I'm fourteen.

Thanks for sharing your stories, everyone. It helps to know there're people out there with the same problem.

That must feel awful, I know Heaven2.I had a crush on someone for years that ended up being a female, but she eventually told me later and honestly I'm fine with it. I met her on a game and she is still the same person to me. But then again i'm attracted to both genders so I see no difference.I even pretended to be a male online, (through a game) but i've never ever tried to be romantic with anyone. People would flirt with me and stuff, but i'm a bit of a douche and a smartass so I come off as a guy easily online. I usually play male characters too. Sometimes I wish I could be that person because I kind of envy males for their strength and power because I am an ectomorph body type female.. what more can I say ugh. But online in a game I can be this really strong guy and beat up people :D

I am on the other end of the spectrum. I was the one being catfished. I dated a guy online for two years and we fell deeply in love. And one day I stumbled upon some things that suggested he wasn't who he said he was. He was stilling photos from someone else. So when I further investigated, I decided to confront him about it. I asked him via AIM and he signed off without responding and deleted me from his profile and all his friends, so that means he must have been controlling these 'friends' profiles... It's been 4 years since he walked out of my life. I still have zero explanation of what happened and who I was really talking too. There's not a day that goes by where I don't wonder. All I want is some closure. So if you have ever lied about your identity to someone online whom you cared about. Go confess, it's more heart breaking for me that I will never know this person I was so in love with.

I have done this for years. Am I nuts?

I've done it for several years too, and I don't know if I'm nuts either...

...I have been doing the exact same thing for a very long time, it started when I was 14 or 15. I still do it, after so many years, it's as if I just couldn't stop. As some have said it's an "obsession" an obsession, which I just don't seem to be able to stop. It's starting to kill me... It just hurts so badly to have to pretend to be someone that I'm not... I just wish that I could talk to someone that either, is going through the same thing as I am or that did it some time ago & was able to get past it. It just hurts so much... :(

I know how you feel, 5 months ago, I was pretending to be this absolute perfect funny guy online which all the girls loved. I even made guy friends and basically became one of them. So I know how hard it is to just STOP. I was in a relationship with a girl too, and we were like..perfect. But I finally came to my senses when I stumbled in this little thread or whatever, people sharing their stories and how their online friends found out the truth, then ended miserably. I didn't want the same fate for me. So, I had to face reality. I was giving the girl I was with false hope, and stopping her from finding true love. And also lying to my online friends. Lying, its so stressful, its constantly in the back of your mind . It EATS you. Making fake accounts, getting fake pictures. Too much.

What you should do, is leave, just leave. What I did was sent them all a quick goodbye message, and left. I sent my "girlfriend" that too. Trust me, its hard. The
First week, you're gonna be tempted anc your heart will feel like its dying. You will probably cry the first couple of nights. Get through it. Don't ever visit that website that brings back those memories, and go to another one, AS A GIRL. I can't do anything for you, only tell you this. The rest is up to you. Stop before you hurt your friends and yourself. Be strong buddy.

I also pretended to be this amazingly awesome, funny, nice guy that all the girls loved, having also guy friends and yeah... It's as if I was just one of the guys. I don't exactly know how I'll ever be able to stop... The worst part is that I have been doing it for so freaking long, that it's as if it was a part of my daily life. I have been in several "online relationships" ones I actually thought they were perfect as well, others... I didn't. I'm sure that I have hurt tons of people, but I don't think I'm a bad person, I mean... I've been hurt too, I'm human after all. Nobody has ever found out the truth about me, just a couple might have suspected things, but they ended up believing me... I gave quite a few people false hope and to be honest with some people that I dated while being that oh-so perfect guy, I somehow wished I could be a real guy and even meet them, but that won't ever happen, that's what hurts me at times. Yes, it's extremely stressful and depressing... It's way too much, I don't even know how to get out of this mess!
I have left people that I dated and I still think of some of them... Most of them, I don't have feelings for them anymore, but like... The last girl that I dated, I left that site about... Since August? and I still think about her, even though it was terrible.. but still. It's been 4 months? and I am still tempted to go back, I even said good-bye and everything, I didn't tell my friends there the truth, I just said bye &amp; that I was quitting... I still feel as if my heart was dying... I don't seem to be able to go at sites as a girl because I'm so used to pretending to be a guy, I just don't see myself doing it... This is the ONLY site that I actually haven't lied about myself. I have hurt people already and mostly myself. I don't know how to stop...

You can talk to me.. I'm hurting everyday