Everyday Princess Hiding In Her Sweats

Every day I get up get dressed eat breakfast and, just as I walk out the door, put on my fake smile to last through the day. Every person ive ever talked to all say the same things. "she's so nice" " she's the happiest girl" "she'll go places in life". But the truth is, every day I come home from school trying to hold back my frustration that another day passed without anyone noticing just how fake my smile is, how practiced my answers were to even the simple "how are you today?" no one knows that every day makes me wanna go home and swallow the bottle of painkillers I have hidden in my room. Or to cut a little deeper than normal and watch my life drain out of me. I can't remember how long it's been since my smile wasn't faked, since my laughs didn't hide tears. No one notices the "scratches" on my wrists and thighs. To them I'll be the pretty pudgy smart girl until one day when I can't take it anymore and finally just end my worthless life. Not like anyone would really care anyway. I'm just a peg in gods stupid little boardgame. And I'm gonna throw off his game a little by changing my fate.
Crazychicka228 Crazychicka228
22-25, F
1 Response May 20, 2012

I can empathize as I am going thru the same thing... so I emplore you to please get help! Don't wait for someone else, you have the strength to ask for help! Trust me, life can be better, even joyful and fulfilling and even though it doesnot seem so today and it may not tomorrow but if you get the right help and if you really want to get better and is willing to take the necessary steps, tomorrow's joyfulness may not be as far away as it feels...