Through Hollow Smiles

There's always something that makes getting out of bed that bit harder. There are many things that get us down, but some of us feel we can't show it, probably because we are surrounded by people who we do not feel comfortable about telling them depressing things.

I have many friends, acquaintances and relatives, but very few i can open up to. The ones i can open up to are few and far between, and shrinking. It's hard to know who to turn to when i am down.

So what i do is find people i can talk to about once certain problem, and others i can talk to about something else. E.g. chatting to a group of older people about university issues etc and other younger friends about more personal issues etc.

In essence i am my own worst enemy. I can't show my depression which makes it worse (viscous cycle) because i think im genuinely a happy person, but that happiness is peppered with depression, but i choose not to show it because that's not who i am.

To make sense of all this, i conclude by saying i don't want to be depressed, and when i am i'd rather be in denial about it to others and myself. It makes it worse, but its the easy way out, the cowards way out of dealing with depression, or on my case, not dealing with it.
Tonydsd Tonydsd
18-21, M
May 21, 2012