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My Mom

my mom is very complicated she can be the best mom in the world and the worst let me explain when in was a kid i was left out soo much she alwasy put her boyfriends before me (yeah i said boyfriends cause she had soo many ) she used to scream at me and pull my hair if i didnt spell properly on my homework she never helped me she just used to call me stupid and thick he boyfriend (my brothers dad giner nut as he was called ) was always smoking weed he was always high i remember him holding his hand over my mouth pinning me to the floor whispering in my ear and smiling i hated him soo much i tried telling my mom but she wouldnt listen so i tried calling childline they came down spoke to me,mom and him and they said that i was making it up to get attention i was soo angry i thought they would help i felt like everyone had failed me years went by and i still hate soo much hate then my mom found her bestfrieind shaging him so my mom had a fight with her in the street end of friendship i remember after that it got worse it was christmas week i think christmas eve we walked all the way down to wolvo to his flat in the hard area of wolvo at night just so we could eat (we had no money, no food ) we had to leave in the morning becasue he was coming back i remember him lamping the crap out of my mom while she was pregnant with my brother i saw him kicked her,punch her agaisnt the wall and on the floor everywhere over her body i was screaming and crying i was sooo angry i wanted to kill him but i was soo scared i was only a child but he didnt care after a while he left i went over to see if my mom was ok and she was crying she got up and got to a telephone and rang someone alot was said all i heard was that she didnt want my brother i was soo shocked i begged her soo much to keep him and after a while she gave in and kepted him ,when i was a kid every money i had even my birthday money and not that much less than £10 she had it off me she made me feel soo guilty saying that it will be my fault that we have no gas or electric or food and will make me feel so low with her words that i gave in she even threw a spoon at me to get my money and it was only £9 my birthday money growning up i hated evreyone of her boyfriends most of them were very wierd and used girl names on her phone a couple of time when my best friend had a sleepover we used to hear sex noices coming from her room and on her phone were pictures of peoples penis's i know discusting for a child to see i tried everything to get close to my mom i invented movie night, drink night , daughter mother talk night , board game night , i even siad she can come to the park and play football with me or basketball but nope some of them wrked for a couple of weeks then she got bored and was on her phone every 5 secs it was surposed to be time for me n mom to spend some time with each other but she didnt want to know on th eother hand she cooks my meal and buys me stuff like sweets or choc or booze if i need it nad buys me really good presents for xmas , birthday ect cutting a long story short we talk about things and spend time with each other down stairs with new boyfreind ( i love this one it the only one i clicked wth him straight away his great ) and we watch tv ot talk or banter but ill never trust her and never see her as my freind i dont understand how she can do all the nice things she does but whne it comes to money or boyfriends or her smoking or anything to do with her needs she crosses every line there is to save herself what ive told you is only a section of a large piece of the puzzle the bad its very bad this is only a gimpse into my life evrey person who has saw me go through what i have been through have said i dunno how you did it without going crazy well i deal with this easy i surpress it and change it into pity and depression sometimes if i was to show how i felt towards my mom(whcih ive done manny of times and regretted it cause she turned it against me ) or members of my family they couldnt understand and i would be concidered weak and pathetic now you now a little bit of my life where would you be and how would you feel ? also any questions dont be afaraid to ask AND PLEASE NO HATE MAIL
dreamgirl444 dreamgirl444 22-25, F 1 Response May 26, 2012

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thank you yeah it was really hard its taking me hourse to post it i kept deleting it it was really hard but i like to think everything happens for a reason probably to become stronger as you said you deal with everything that is thrown at me i dont like to tell people about my life like this its nnot something you tell people im glad i have got it off my chest now i feel better i was kinda afraid to tell people incase someone said i was liying but im glad i wrote it

thank you i know its just everyone ive met has turned on me and used my weakness against me when living in a world like that you learn not to fully trust anyone i know i should its just really hard i have dairies when i was a kid but everytime i read them i end up crying i just need to stop being so strong all the time and let my guard down abit i will one day its just gonna take time